{scraps of jacki's life}

Why i do this blogging thing...

I have always been a writer. No, not an author, as in someone who has written a book, but a writer, as in someone who writes.

As a teenager I was a prolific letter writer, and people said that I should write books. When I was 19 and unmarried, and discovered that I was pregnant – with that wonderful boy, Francois - I put pen to paper, and dealt with my feelings of confusion and fear by writing. When my husband Ronnie died one awful April morning in a plane crash and left me behind, shattered, heartbroken, and in the depths of despair, I was pouring out my feelings on paper within days, and continued to do so for a whole year.

So, I have always been a writer. But I have only recently discovered blogging. Initially it felt uncomfortable. It was a chore, a commitment I wasn’t sure I could keep. I was, and still am, painfully aware that there are people who read this. Writing about life, and feelings, and fears, is like putting your heart outside your body, where people could step on it. You open little windows to your soul, and let people peep into them. You make yourself vulnerable. And yet, almost perversely, you want people to read this.

You need people to see. You hope people will understand you a little better. You need to share shards of your soul, some beautiful, colourful, and some cracked and scratched and ugly.

I have always been a writer. I need to think ‘out loud’, in writing, where I can re-phrase, re-read, edit, and really think about what I’m feeling, and why. Putting it in words helps to crystallize, to clarify, to process. Part of my growth process is to write it down.

It is commonly advised by experts, that a good way of dealing with deep seated issues, fears, anger, or sadness, is to write it all out on paper. Then that paper is burned, and the feelings are released into the atmosphere, as symbolised by the smoke. Being a modern and environmentally aware girl, I use this blog to process my thoughts. Once it is all written, I release those feelings into the blogosphere by pressing the 'publish' button. It really does have the same effect for me.

But, if it means anything to you, if you agree or disagree, if I make you think, if I make you smile, if I touch a chord, then please, please leave a comment. You can comment by clicking on the word ‘comment’ below each blog entry, and a block will appear for you to write in. It only takes a minute, but it means so much to me.

If you don’t, it feels as if I’m shouting in the wind, and nobody hears me…

silence...

 

Although I am very social, and appear to be extrovert, I am in actual fact an introvert. I need downtime. Quiet time. Introspection time. Think time. And if there is something going on in my life, I need more time even more desperately.

Growing up as the oldest of 4 children, quiet time was hard to get. But even then, in the afternoons after school, I would climb high into the huge black wattle tree we had in the garden, and I would spend hours there, brooding. Nobody else could get up there; in fact mostly nobody even knew I was there. I used to cycle to school a few days a week, even though I hated the exertion. But I did it because it gave me an hour or so of riding home in the afternoons with the wind in my hair (no helmets in those days), and the delicious freedom of having nobody to talk to.

Ronnie, whom I married when I was 19, was an extreme extrovert. He needed people around him all the time, and could not bear to be alone. But as I was a full time mother and housewife shortly after I was married, I could get my silence-fix during weekdays. And when François grew up and our lives became more social and busy, Ronnie was away from home often for work, so I had many evenings and some weekends to be silent. François is very similar; in fact, he needs it more than I do. So even when we were alone together, we could happily spend an entire day or even weekend pottering around, ignoring each other.

Just to clarify: I don't need to be alone/silent all the time. Just a few minutes a day, and a few hours every few weeks is fine.

After Ronnie died I needed even more time, as I was obviously having things to deal with. And concerned family and friends, bless them, wanted to keep me busy, did not want me to be alone. Never understanding that being alone was exactly what both François and I needed. Craved. In that time I learned to take the phone off the hook, switch off my cell, and ignore the doorbell.

Mike is different. He understands. He is the same. He will happily spend hours in his workshop, grinding, welding, working, smoking. And I know to leave him alone. But by the nature of his work he gets lots of 'quiet time', while mine is more social. And Saturdays, when I am at work, he potters happily about. Quietly. Alone.

Then come Sundays. By this time I am craving some downtime. Desperately. And he has had enough alone, quiet, and he wants to go out. Go to a shop, a nursery. He want to go for lunch, or to visit family. And I go along, although I would rather be home, reading.

So when he told me weeks ago that he was going away for a long weekend with a group of guys, to the mighty men conference, I secretly rejoiced. Although I miss him hugely when he is gone, at last some me-time! A whole weekend!

But of course, there was school and work. Life intervenes. So I kept promising myself that I would do everything to keep Sunday open. On Saturday I had to work, but I left the shop as early as possible, so I could go grocery shopping. And Sean wanted to go to a movie, so we went out Saturday evening. Sunday, I kept promising myself. Sunday is mine. Sunday is alone. Sunday! Even bought a new book, so I could read.

Saturday evening my mom told me that my sister wanted me to join the family at her house for tea, because it is mid-way between the birthdays of 2 of her children.

I love my sister. I love her children. I don't see then nearly enough. I seldom see them on their birthdays. I love my brother-in-law. I miss them. So what do I do? To explain to my mom, my wanting to stay home, pottering quietly, rather than visit with family, is futile. She would never understand.

I did not go. I wanted to. But I wanted to be home, quiet, reading, sleeping, more. I’m sorry sis. But I think you do understand. I suspect you need that too...

What would you choose? Do you understand when you read this? Nod your head? Feel the need too? Or would you always choose people over silence? Are you a frustrated introvert as I am? Or are you an extrovert like Ronnie, who almost feared being alone? Do you do a sport, or a hobby, or even a long commute, because it gives you alone time?

Please tell me? I would love to know.

 

gautrain...

 

on saturday francois and i were invited to the official launch of the gautrain, at gallagher estate in johannesburg. it was a fancy, black-tie event, attended by politicians, ministers and journalists from all over the world. and us.

we were invited as so-called 'new media'. i was invited because i tweet, and i was invited to tweet about the launch. this is, as far as i know, the first time members of 'social media' were invited as media members, and we had full media privileges. this was quite exciting! this was the second time i got to ride on the gautrain, once before, in march, i went to a twitter-gautrain event.

 

for those of you who do not know, the gautrain is the first rapid-rail system in africa, and when completed will connect all hubs in gauteng with each other. at the moment only the leg between sandton and the airport are open, with the rest of the routes opening within a few months. 

 
i am looking forward to using it. my closest station is rhodesfield, and from there to sandton is 12 minutes and it will cost R21. people who live in cities where there always has been public transport may not understand our excitement, but for us it is great indeed.

 
 

you can read a somewhat negative article by ivo vegter here. he specifically refers to us who were tweeting from the event. please also read my comments.

read another article in mail and guardian, referring to, and quoting francois here.

and an article from bbc here.

 

ps. the photos were in my media pack

meet the parents...

francois has made many friends over the years on the internet. people who spend some time online, will know how such friendships become quite important. 

as he has 5 weeks of holidays in june/july, because of the football world cup, and because his 2 year masters degree course affords him some time to do some travel planning, he decided to use this opportunity to do spend some of his long-term savings, and do some overseas travelling. in fact, everything seemed to be working out for him, to make this trip possible.

so he decided to go to USA. but where does one start? visiting a good friend seems like a great way to go about it. so, slowly the trip is taking shape. first he had to apply for a passport, then a visa. as the USA is quite strict in their visa requirements, especially for a single young person, he had to collect a number of documents and letters and references, and he also had to provide proof that he has enough money to fund a holiday. quite a mission.

a few weeks ago i asked francois if he was going to stay at the family of the friend. he said he didn't want to inconvenience them. i told him that i would love to meet and host any friends of his. especially since overseas travel is very expensive. so, he asked. and the family responded with great enthusiasm! they have gotten involved with some of the planning, and with many suggestions and ideas. and an invitation to stay at their house.

all the requirements were met, and the tickets were bought. the ultimate destination is the town where his friend lives in Illinois. this will be the start and end point of his trip.

i have had some (very little) interaction with his friend through comments on my blog, and facebook. but francois told me that her family had started to read my blog, to get to know a little about this stranger coming to visit. i felt a little disadvantaged because they knew at least something about us, and i knew nothing about them. i mean, my baby is going to visit strangers in a strange country. he may be all grown up, but i still worry, you know!

so, i decided to reach out. i got the father's email address from francois, and sent him the following email:

Hi

I got your email address from Francois.

I just wanted to touch base, and tell you how much i appreciate it that you are a contact for Francois for his trip. Going overseas is always a daunting challenge, and doing so alone as a young person for the first time is quite an adventure! It helps to know that you are keeping an eye on him, so to speak.

He is rather a good boy. He is responsible and intelligent and charming. He also has the attention span of a gnat, and his table manners are a little lacking, in spite of 23 years of constant coaching. But i am sure he will be on his best behaviour during his visit. If not, you have my permission to ground/spank him. :-) He can wash dishes, but not cars.

Please let me know if you need anything. You have my email address now.

Thank you,

Jacki

His reply had laughter-tears running down my cheeks!

Jacki,

Thanks for your message.  My trust in the success of Francois' visit is based on three factors:  (1)  He must be a rather high quality person or my daughter would not have developed such a broadly based friendship with him online over the past few years; (2) The unusually detailed font of information about him and the family as described on your extensive blog, the entirety of which I have perused, and throughout which your fondness for him is well documented, and (3) the e-mail communication I have had with Francois, which reflects his most interesting personality, wry wit, politeness, and excruciating respect for the English language.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the "heads up" on the new information about him that you provided.  I will have to do some research on gnats in order to interpret you comment on attention span.  Francois' academic achievements alone would suggest to me that there are some extraordinarily contemplative insects in that part of the world.  Table manners are not among the strong points of anyone in this household, and our dining style could not be less formal.  I have raised three fine children and so far have not felt the need to ground, much less spank any of them, and I am not about to start with an international guest who is an adult graduate student. And finally, were he to wash the dishes it would amaze, shock, and shame my daughters to tears as they have never seen anyone other than their parents do this and it is apparently not considered a 21st century skill.

We are very excited about his visit, and are making lists of things he might wish to do, eat, or visit.  So far we have arranged a flight to see our son in San Francisco, and hope to drive up to Wisconsin sometime.  I suppose that Francois and X might come up with additional destinations here in the Illinois area.

I feel like I know you already, certainly more closely than any of our neighbors, from the wonderful array of postings on your blog.  I am sure Francois will tire of answering questions about this and that which I have read there.  We will do our best to make his visit safe, productive, and interesting.  As I have tried to make clear already, we are not very typical as Americans go, and the diversity of lifestyles in the USA will not be revealed to him in the time available.  But he did express a desire to go off the beaten path, so to speak, and "middle America" is pretty well represented in this state, with a mixture of urban, small town, and very rural environments.

Best regards,    

F

i like these people already, and i feel quite confident that francois will have a great time in visiting them..

 

Ronnie Janse van Rensburg - died 19 April 2002

today marks 8 years since ronnie died.

  
for those who do not know me well: ronnie was my husband, and father of my son francois. he died in an aeroplane crash on friday, 19 April 2002, at wonderboom airport, near pretoria. we had been married 16 years. he was 39 years and 5 days old. he was also a son, a brother, and a business man.

since i started this blog, i have been meaning to write a post describing some of the events that caused his death. there are 3 reasons for this:

i am often asked how he died. it makes it easier if i can just send that person a link with a description. while there are many brief mentions of the accident on the internet, none sum up the situation completely, and from a broad perspective. also, when i blog about something relating to his death, i can link to this post.

when someone searches the internet for ronnie, someone who knew him in the past, they will find this post, and know what happened.

when someone searches the internet for information on this particular accident, for whatever reason, they will find this post. it contains more information than any one other post i have found so far.

on that friday morning, ronnie left home at about 6am, and went to pretoria's wonderboom airport, from where he was going to fly with his 2 friends and co-workers, hendrik smit and jacques swanepoel, to tzaneen, for a business meeting. hendrik was the pilot.

the aeroplane they were flying in, was a cessna 177RG (registration ZS-JMW). shortly after takeoff, at about 07h27, they crashed into a wall and boma on a residential property in klippan street, about 1km south east of the airport. all 3 people on board were killed on impact. the plane burst into flames, and the wall, boma and plane were destroyed.

the cessna was full of fuel, and the fuel tanks are in the wings. crash damage to the wings meant that the entire area was drenched in aviation fuel, and the fire was intense and consumed everything.

subsequent investigations by the civil aviation authority found that both the pilot and the air traffic controller were at fault. as it is the air traffic controller's job to oversee the flow of air traffic, he should have seen that the pilot was on the wrong runway. he gave conflicting and confusing instructions.

i know there are people would be interested in reading accident reports. my father and brother, who are both pilots, find these informative. i link to the full, 18 page accident report from the civil aviation authority here. you are welcome to read it if you wish.

_________________________________________________________________

every year i am surprised at how intense my emotions during the week from his birthday (14 april) to the anniversary of his death (19 april). although i have grieved, and overcome my grief, it still affects me every april. even after 8 years.

i often blog about dealing with ronnie's death, and the journey and growth that came from it. but, i assure you that i am fine. i have found new happiness with mike. he is a wonderful man, and we have been together about 6.5 years. i do not grieve, and cry, and mope every day. i do have issues, and fond memories, and 'what if's. i am always sad on francois' birthdays, and at his graduation ceremonies, and when i see what a wonderful young man he has become. his dad would have been proud. and i am sad for ronnie's mom and dad, who's son is lost forever, and his brother and sister, who's 'ouboet' will never be with them again.

the growth i have experienced during those 8 years has been incredible. this event has formed me as i am today, more than any other, bar the birth of my son. if ronnie were to come back today, he would not recognise me. i am not the woman he once knew. i am better. you don't have to feel sorry for me. really!

you can read what i wrote about his last birthday here.

you can read more blog posts on dealing with ronnie's death here.

you can read some other posts on the accident, such as newsreports, here, here, here, here,

 

more old photos...

this is a follow up to the

old photo post.

this is me in the eighties. i was still sooo young!

and i already had this cute little baby, francois!

 

my parents were so proud of their first grandchild....

...even if he did look like a little monkey... ;-)

here we were celebrating his first birthday. the blonde on the right is my sister, paula.

such an adorable face.

see how young ronnie and i were here? i was younger in this photo than francois is now.

ready for a day at the beach..

and just to show you how grown-up he is now, here is a photo taken at his graduation ceremony in march. he got his BA Honors degree in Politics, cum laude!

but he is still mommy's little cute baby...

 

south africans being positive..

today i have a couple of things to say about south africans being positive, and doing a little bit to make a difference, so i'm doing it in points:

go to the shout website. check out the video and hear the song. it is a collaboration of many top south african artists, who sing the song 'shout', which you can download for R20. all the proceeds go to the fight against crime. it is a darn catchy song. it has been stuck in my head since the first time i have heard it. you can sms 'shout' to 33335, and download it to your phone for R20.

 

on saturday francois and i attended #tweetuponrails. it was a function where people who follow the gautrain on twitter got to see, AND RIDE, the gautrain. we are the first members of the public to do so. it was an awesome event! and i can tell you first hand that the gautrain will be a fantastic service.

  

in terms of a public relations exercise, #tweetuponrails was a south african first. a social media marketing event that was successful far beyond anyone's expectations. it was wonderful to be part of history in the making, for the gautrain and for twitter/social media in south africa.

 

i have discovered the blog of tracy todd. she is a south african woman, who became a quadriplegic after a car accident. she writes openly and truthfully and from the heart. and within moments, your insight into the life of 'differently abled' people changes. forever.

if you are an international reader, and you know someone who is coming to south africa for the world cup, and they are on twitter, tell them to look for the hashtag #worldcuphost. there they will find active south african tweeters who are prepared to act as twourgides virtual guides, with anything they need, at any time.

south africa the good news is a website that collects all sorts of positive info on south africa. a great place to visit when the negatives of living here are getting you down. africa is not for sissies, but it is not all bad, either!

 

and last, but not least:

  

 

a comforting dream...

i was reading this post by allie a little while ago, about the guy who was eaten by the shark. she said 'Apparently his wife saw him being shaken around by the shark. Unthinkable trauma. It is unreal to think that life for the rest of us just goes on, but in a second, her life has changed forever.' and that suddenly made me remember something that happened to me. a bittersweet experience.

on the night after ronnie died, i had a dream. well, actually i think it was more like a vision, but whatever. i don't know about you, but i dream in pictures. almost like a movie. i was dreaming that i was lying on hundreds of hands. lying. not sitting or standing. lying. and these hundreds of hands were lifting me up. lifting me up to the light and warmth of GOD.

the implication of this dream was very powerful. i was lying on all those hands. those hands symbolized everybody who loved me, knew me, or even had just heard of me or of ronnie  or francois. or just heard of the plane crash. the hands that lifted me up to GOD were all the many, many prayers, of the many, many people, who were lifting me up to HIS light. HIS warmth. His strength.

at that moment i knew that no matter how difficult things were, below me was the prayerful support of many people, and above me was HIS comfort. and i knew that i would be ok.

  

ps. all these years i have been looking for someone who could paint/draw a picture of that for me. not big, A4 or smaller. just to place somewhere as a visual reminder of that feeling of comfort. if you can, please tell me?

here it is: the sorry-i-have-not-been-blogging catch-up post

otherwise known as: i don't have a life, and everything i have done in 4 months can fit in one post...

let me see.... birthday? no. nothing. christmas? nah. new year? no. boring...

oh yes! *brightens...* car!

  

after 4 months of waiting, nissan still didn't have stock of the car i wanted. but a friend knew of someone who was emigrating, who had one to sell! yaaay!

 

i really love my car, even though it is white...

and it is a 2l, where i was waiting for a 1.6l. it was about 18 months old, and had very low km's.

unfortunately it also already has been damaged in a bumper-bashing in december. the damage is about R20 000. but i am insured, so it will be fixed soon...

and i love it, love it, love it! and it was a lot less stressful and emotional than when i bought francois' car.

and francois passed his BA Politics (Hons) with honours! he wanted to move to cape town to do his masters degree at UCT, but nothing seemed to fall into place as far as the arrangements are concerned. so he is going back to UJ this year. and he is getting a few bursaries and incentives. he is disappointed because he was looking forward to living in cape town, but i'm sure that he is making the right choice.

as my reasons for not blogging? that will have to wait for another post.

and thank you for your lovely comments on my previous post. i did nt realise that you missed me so much. :-)

love, jacki

profile pics..

i love that in the new typepad i can make (and change) the URL for my blogposts. in fact, there is a lot i love about the new typepad!

i wanted a new profile pic. and as i hate myself in photos, and i cannot act natural in front of a camera, and i had an unexpected 15 minutes available, i took some photos of myself in the mirror.

....as you do...

my theory is that if i take 100 photos, 1 of them should be OK.

there is so much wrong with this photo. but somehow the grittiness and moodiness reflects me at this time, so it will do for now...

i have thought of an interesting theme for a blogpost. i have even come up with a catchy title. my best post ever! now, all i have to do is write it...

i found this video on vanessa's blog. having an adult son myself, i found this hilarious! except in our case it works the other way around..

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

thank you..

it seems that my previous blog-post has touched a few chords.

most of the comments that i got here and on facebook and in my email, said that you are also feeling a little overwhelmed/blue, or that you have been there and are feeling a little better. thanks for that. it makes me feel less alone..

there are also a few people who think i am a little 'brave' (read crazy) to spill my guts on this public forum. including me. sometimes, after posting something, i have to fight the urge to pull it down. but when i read other incredibly brave posts out there, i feel enriched. touched. inspired. validated. and i realise how poor we would be if we did not share our feelings. our fears. our sadness. our concerns. part of what i like the most about the internet, and blogs especially, is the fact that we share each other's lives. the little details. the intimate feelings and our everyday thoughts.

most of my life, i have been one of those people who 'suffers' in silence. you know, i only talk about something when it is largely over. there is a guardedness in me. a reluctance to making myself vulnerable. i think it is partly from being the oldest of 4 kids, where my mom was busy coping with life, and kind of depended on me to be the competent one. also, it is a typical scorpio trait, or so they say. this need to always be in control of my emotions, at least on the face of it, has been very strong.

even after ronnie died, i was very careful not to be the falling-apart-type. people told me i handled it all with so much grace. and i did. but it took so much energy to be ok. it was exhausting! and of course, there was lots and lots of falling apart in private. make no mistake!

but during that time i realised 2 things: not talking, sharing, expressing, vocalising my emotions also means not growing, healing. and i learned that writing it down is expressing under controlled conditions. you see, by the time you read all this on my blog, i have thought about it, sorted it, re-read it, and edited it a number of times. so, although i am 'spilling my guts', i am doing so in a very typically measured way.

amanda popped into the shop yesterday, after reading my post, and offered to make a banner for my shop, for free! because i inspire her! how awesome is that? thank you so much, amanda, and thank you for reaching out to me.

i think so often we feel the urge to reach out to someone, to tell them we care, to thank them for what they mean to us, to compliment them on something they do. and then we restrain ourselves, feel shy, don't want to intrude. but maybe that someone needs your touch at that moment.

of course, my instant reaction to amanda's offer was no. no, i am not worthy. no, i cannot accept. no, i do not deserve it. i am better at giving that at receiving. but my second reaction was to accept with grace. and with thanks! you see, i am learning.

nothing has changed since i wrote the post. except my attitude. i have decided to calm myself. and it is working a little bit. i am trying to make some me-time. i am hoping to join the girls for a ladies night tonight. these girls are good for my spirit. and on tuesday i am hoping to join liza and some other girls for a mosaicing class. it is something i have wanted to do for ages, and i am sure it will do me good.

also, it is almost spring! when the days get longer and warmer and the birds start singing and the sun starts shining, i always feel my energy levels increasing and the depression waning. the sap is rising, in a manner of speaking.

my son francois, is in cape town for a week. he is visiting the campus of the university of cape town (UCT), and speaking to student advisers and lecturers. he wants to do his master's degree there next year. this is just a 'sussing out' visit, because there are still a number of factors that could influence his decision. not least is the fact that he has applied for a bursary from the university of johannesburg (UJ), where he has studied until now. it is a great bursary, and if he gets it, he would stay and study here.

for someone who started out not knowing what to blog about today, i sure have pounded out a loooong post!

i have been feeling the faint stirrings of creative urges, so i might be scrapping again soon. on the other hand, it could be just my stomach...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

winter...

Ek hou van winter. "Jy's mal", se my ma, "dis dan koud". Juis, ek hou van koud. En noudat die eerste ysige windjie om die hoekies begin waai, besef ek opnuut weer hoekom.

Dis sesuur en die wekker lui. Manlief, wat nie normaalweg sukkel om op te staan nie, kreun en krul styf teen my op. Hy hou my vas soos hy dit net in die winter doen, so asof hy my warmte vir homself wil vat. Later, as die ryklub-mamma om die hoek weg is met my styf ingepakte mensie, sit ek op die rusbank onder 'n kombers met my koppie oggendkoffie en 'n blink-nuwe tydskrif. Net gou 'n paar bladsye lees, dan gaan ek die wasmasjien aansit. Maar opkom uit my warm kokon is moeilik, en ek lees aan.

In die badkamer - met sy vensters toe teen die winterkoue, bly die warm stoom in die lug hang, en die water in die stort masseer my skouers en my nek, en loop in warm straaltjies oor my bors. Uitklim is swaar, want ek weet dat die koue lug wag om my warm lyf te vang. Aantrek is 'n hele ritueel, met langmoufrokkies en kouse, jasse en serpe.

Ek hou van winter. Ek hou van dik tuisgekookte sop en warm brood, geurige bredie en gebakte poeding, pannekoek met kaneel en bekers stomende warm sjokolade. Ek hou van saans saam onder 'n kombers le voor 'n goeie tv-film, ek hou van warm druk en vry met my kind wat met yskoue ore en neus van die kleuterskool af terugkom. Ek hou van nat wasgoed buite ophang terwyl die koue wind waai. Ek hou van terugkom in die huis waar die kaggel warm brand en dan te se "sjoe, maar dis ysig, ne!"

Mense doen minder - hulle hiberneer en rus van die ywerigheid van die somer. Mense het tyd en lus vir kuier. 'n Mens wil lees en gesels en eet, jy wil jou koue tone by jou geliefde indruk en hulle warmgevryf he. Jy wil in die kol van die oggendson sit en bak, en lui word van sy flouerige strale.

Saans, as die koue sy lang, dun vingers oral probeer indruk, as dit tyd is vir slaap, krul my man weer lekker styf teen my aan onder die duvet en my voete word geleidelik warmer. Dan se ek dankie aan God wat ook die winter gemaak het, sodat ons weer die klein dingetjies sal raaksien en waardeer. Sodat ons tempo sal afneem en ons kan rus, sodat ons siele weer kan warm word.

Ek hou van winter.

i wrote this essay for a book of essays published by the SAVF (Suid Afrikaanse Vroue Federasie) in 1993. the book was called 'Uit die dagboek van 'n ma".

all the illustrations in the book, including the 2 shown here, were done by verona higgs, who is also my aunt.

and it is not 100% true. i don't really love winter. especially not when it is a cold winter, like the one we are having now. and since electricity has become very expensive, and money a little tight, and we do not have heaters on all the time... i wrote that to convince myself. it is called positive thinking.

 jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

without words...

here are some photos of what we are doing this weekend away in mpumalanga:

eduard:

marni:

 

tian:

eduard, sean and francois - 3 birthdays in one week:

 

love, jacki

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

happy birthday!

today is francois' birthday.

23 years ago tonight, my son was born. he was such a cute baby, with LOTS of hair...

he was born at 22h30, weighed 4.01kg and was 53cm long. he was unplanned, but not unwelcome!

and this is what he looks like now:

he has become a beautiful young man.

i scrapped this quick and simple layout this week, with the photos taken of him at the photoshoot in may, by amelia.

i used treasures and colormates cardstock, pattern paper from paper explosion's wedding collection (south african), a little scrap of 7 gypsies paper, rub on alphas and ribbons from my stash, silver photocorners. and my 2 most trusty scrapbooking tools: my black pen and my stapler.

all along the border of the cardstock, i repeated morse code for i love you.

he is away with his grandparents, so i don't see him today.

happy birthday francois! i love you, and your father would have been proud of the man you have become.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

photoshoot - my family

here is harrison ford my dad, jan:

and another of him:

my mom and dad:

my mom, lottie:

francois and my mom have always been very close:

francois up close:

mother and son:

mother and daughter:

i wanted the man and sean to be in the photographs too, but it was just after the man's surgery, and he could not drive, so he could not get to the shop. we will have other photos taken soon.

i posted these and other photos to amelia's blog too. and i posted more photos taken on that day on her blog here.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

on buying a car, and letting go...

last saturday afternoon, exactly a week ago, when i closed the shop, i had a thought that i had not looked at buying a nissan for either myself or francois, or for both of us. we both need a car. i had looked at almost everything else, but not nissan. so i drove to the dealer, hoping to still catch them open. they were not.

so on monday francois and i went there, and we test drove some cars. we decided against the tiida for francois, because it was too expensive and a little too big.

on tuesday evening a different dealer stopped at my shop, and brought red tiida to show me. it is almost new, and in a good condition, with low mileage, for a good price. it was either a good deal, or too good to be true. so on wednesday i arranged for the car to go to the AA for a full test, which it passed with flying colours.

on thursday the man and francois, and my dad, saw the car. and they approved.

on friday the car was serviced, cleaned, fitted with a new windscreen, and insured. francois got the car late on friday.

phew! what a week! last saturday we were no closer to buying a car, and now it is all over, bar some administrative things.

the process this week went by in a whirlwind. i found it quite stressful, and the whole week i had a lump in the pit of my stomach. this morning, during a quiet minute, i reflected a little, gathered my thoughts...

...and there, deep inside, under the tension, and the relief of having it all done, fluttered a teeny butterfly. wondering what it was, i discovered, to my surprise, a little pride.

a pride in doing it myself.

look, i had a lot of help, input, and many, many opinions, from the man, francois, family and friends. but mainly, it was a project driven by me. arranged by me. organised by me. and looking back, i am quite proud that i pulled it off.

i also spent a few minutes wondering why buying a car seemed so difficult and stressful to me, when it seems to be so easy to others. and i realised that it is because most people finance their cars, and get used to a Rx per month car payment. when they buy a new car, they re-finance, and just continue with the monthly car payment. so same cost, new car.

for me, it is a new cost, and it is a lot of money for something that rapidly loses it's value. i have also had bad experiences with my jeep, that is a huge expense to maintain. i am a little scarred, and traumatised.

and also, there is an emotional reason. our current cars are our last big, visible, tangible link to ronnie. he chose and bought the 'old' cars. selling them, and driving different cars, will remove yet another daily reminder of him.

letting go turned out to be a little more emotional than i expected.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

boy, meet car...

here is francois' old car:

he was due for an upgrade.

and here is the first glimpse of francois' new car:

it is not completely new, just new for him:

 

it is a nissan tiida.

he is ready to drive it for the first time...

so shiny and clean...

oh, is this where the engine goes?

may you have many years of problem free motoring!

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop. benoni, gauteng, south africa

us...

sometimes i have so much to blog about, and sometimes i can think of nothing to say. this seems to be one of those quiet weeks.

the man went for a shoulder operation tuesday before last. over the weekend he started to complain of more pain. on wednesday he managed to squeeze himself in for a early appointment to the doctor, and something inside the shoulder has come loose. so on tuesday he is getting operated on again. and the healing process is pushed back by 2 weeks...

the biggest problem with the shoulder is that the man cannot drive. so i have to take sean to school, and take the man everywhere.

this has added some strain to my days..

here is another photo from the photoshoot, of francois and myself.

*edited to add: are you a coldplay fan? you can download their album leftrightleftrightleft FOR FREE here. i did, and i'm listening right now...*

 jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

photoshoot saturday...

they came to the shop on saturday. each in their appointed time. all groomed and painted and gorgeous. some alone, and some with reluctant family members.

they all spent their few minutes in front of amelia and rika's cameras. they smiled and posed, and their images were captured on many camera cards, to be saved on disks. this day, this look, this time frozen for ever...

ineke

cathy and aaron

you can see what cathy said about the photoshoot here.

prieur

dirk

christina

cheryl

rene

laetitia and wilhelm

of course, these people were there too:

these are just a fraction of the many gigs' worth of photos taken on the day. dontcha think i have beautiful clients?

thanks amelia, we had lots of fun!

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

your father would have been proud, part 2...

i attended francois' graduation ceremony yesterday. he got

baccalaureus commercii cum honoribus (trade and development).

got it? me neither...

actually, it is B.Com (hons) Economics. which is kinda ironic, since he has a BA degree, that he got last year. this year he is studying his honors in international politics. and everybody asks the same question - the answer is no. politicians don't study politics. analysts, journalists and consultants do. politics is his true passion, the economics was just a little detour for background.

as always at occasions as this, ronnie is missed. he would have been so proud of his son.

your father would have been proud, part 1 here.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

ready to go...

soduku, pencil, eraser - check.

phone on silent with facebook enabled - check.

camera with fresh batteries - check.

ok, i'm ready...

i'm going to francois' graduation ceremony at the university of johannesburg. he is getting his honors degree in economics. you can see my post of his graduation last year. and the layout i made with his and his father's graduation photos here.

those ceremonies are not particularly interesting, so i plan to do a lot of facebook surfing from my phone...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

16 things about me...

i saw these '16 things' lists on ali edwards' blog, and also at helen's. it looked like a fun way to string some random blabbering together. so, here goes:

1. i went over to amelia (my next door neighbor who you met in this post) last night. she wants to take her photography further, and i needed a victim sucker guinea pig to practice my photoshop class on, so i got in my car, and drove to her house - what? it was night and i live in the country, our properties are big and there is electric fencing in between. so i drive. the entire 150 meters - and after a cup of coffee we left her husband to watch WWE Raw in peace, and got to work.
   
2. i left there at about 01h45, got to bed at after 2, and then i couldn't fall asleep. my head was buzzing, full of ideas. 'what if i tried this, i should change that, i'm sure that will be a great idea'... when i eventually fell asleep, i was happily dreaming of teaching photoshop to large classes in fancy venues with powerpoint presentations running on audio visual thingy-ma-jiggies. and i was using a laser pointer. that has always been my dream, to use a laser-pointer. for something other than playing 'catch the dot' on the walls with my kids...
3. so, this morning, now that i can actually start working on those brilliant ideas, i'm exhausted. my eyes feel like they have sand in them, my head fells heavy, and instead of thinking of all those wonderful ideas, my battered brain cells can think of nothing but coffee... lots of coffee... thank goodness for spell-checkers, because you should have seen what the first draft of this post looked like!
   
4. anyway, the point of this blabbering is to tell you that i'm excited. and i'm thinking/planning/dreaming. and that my posts have points.
5. i have found a few sites about photography that i need to study further. you might not be interested, but i want to look at them lots more over the next few days, and i need a place to put the links so i can easily find them later. so here they are. you can follow the links if you like. or not. if you do, you might just bump into me wandering around in there... coffeeteaphotography, cliff mautner
6. and my favorite photography place to visit is pioneerwoman photography. read this post for an interesting idea.
7. you see? my posts have points. lots of them. they just don't always make sense. and they don't always gel well together. that is why this list thing is a great idea.
8. this post and this one and this one had me laughing out loud today. you might as well just read the whole blogs while you are there. and while you are surfing, go see what donna downey has done here. with fabric. after you are finished on my blog, of course. ...you cannot leave now... i'm still talking... hey, come back... how rude!...
9. oh yes. this list is supposed to be about me, and where i am now. i forgot.
10. i have a serious affliction. i lose hours a day. almost every day. time gone. forever. unproductive. it is called internet-itis. the symptoms are: facebook. blogs. photoshop sites. scrapbooking heavens. wilna. google reader. my own blog. email. photography gaze-in-awe-fests. time, and brain cells get sucked in and swallowed up by that big black cyber-hole. bad for productivity. but oh-so-much-fun!
11. i have five more points to fill. darn! and i have nothing intelectually stimulating to say. like that has stopped me before.
12. :-)
13. after wearing contact lenses for 12/15 years, i have just got glasses. today. and since the medical aid will not pay for glasses and contacts in the same 2 year cycle, i will have to wear them permanently. if i can got used to them.
14. my son francois has just gone to register for his second honors degree. he studied BA (Economics and Politics), and then did his honors in economics last year. for the cv. but international politics have always been his passion. and now he is going to study what he really enjoys. he plans to study for many more years. anything to avoid working for a living...
15. i have not done any paper scrapbooking since mid-november. that is the longest that i have not scrapped since i started. but i have been creating a little scrapping corner in the shop to work in. i will post about it soon.
16. liza is teaching this awesome project on saturday 31 january. booking is essential. in fact, book now to avoid the stampede. it is different. it is unique. it is great!

it's a tea tray! with glass in it! (hence the reflective glare and the difficulty getting the lighting right) and it fits a 12x12 single page layout. so you can change the layout if you wish, or you can keep it just the way it is. isn't that so cool?

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

feedback on my word for 2008...

this year my word was 'grow'. i thought i would review it today, to see how i did. the italic words are direct quotes from the post i did about it on 2 january 2008.

remember, as 'grow' is a verb, i am grading the process, and not the end result.

i want to grow my creativity. i want to scrap more, and create more in other ways too.

i didn't scrap nearly as much as i should/could/wanted to. there always seems to be so much else to do, and so the scrapbooking  seems to take a back seat. so i give myself a D.

however, i did grow creatively in other ways. in blog writing and design, in photography, in photoshop and in digital scrapbooking. in those respects i grew a lot! the end results can still be improved, but in terms of the process, the learning curve, the growth, i give myself an A.

i need to grow in simplicity. i need to de-clutter my life even more. this will go a long way in decreasing some of the stress in my life. 

i did do some work here, but not nearly enough. i did put some actions in place, and i also learned to make some peace with projects that turned out to be very long-term. but here i give myself a C.

i wish to grow my inspiration. i will try to inspire others by sharing my passions, ideas and talents. i will also continue to seek out people who are positive, passionate and inspiring to me. 

not too bad. it is difficult to be inspiring if you are not feeling very inspired yourself, but i have started teaching workshops again, and i have done quite a few tutorials on my blog. i have found lots of inspiring people though, most of those in the blogosphere, where inspiration from the world's most talented is but a mouse-click away! so i give myself a B.

i have to to grow my shop. i need to get more customers, grow in turnover and in numbers of customers.

well, here i have failed. badly. but, it was not my fault... the declining world economy, and south africa's huge increase in food and fuel prices and very high interest rates has left very little extra money in my client's pockets. we are all feeling the pinch! so, an F here. *sigh!*

i will continue to grow spiritually. i know that GOD has a plan for my life, and for 2008, and i want to feel HIM at work in and through me.

this of course is a constant challenge. no matter how much i grow spiritually, it is never enough. maybe a C+?

i hope to grow the blog, both in the quality of the content, and in readership. i want to work on writing with the poetry and vulnerability of kelly rae roberts. i want to be as passionate as donna. i want to be as inspiring as wilna. i want to share ideas as freely as leah. i want to be as chatty as heidi. i want to be as disciplined as annette. and i want to be inspiring, and funny, and generous, as all the other blogs i visit regularly. and i hope more of my visitors will comment. hint, hint!

well, here i did well. this was my best subject, in a manner of speaking. i could probably look back and say that 2008 was the year of the blog, for me. once again, in the end result is always room for growth, but as far as the process goes, i give myself an A+

on 31 december 2007 i had had 579 total hits, and today (31 december 2008) i have had 19 182 total hits. so 18 603 hits in 2008. but if you consider that it took me to mid-march to get my first 1000 hits, i didn't do too badly from there on. from september 2007 to end february 2008 i had a total of 675 hits, and in march 2008 i had 667 hits. you can see the statistics and highlights of this blog here. and i am so thankful to all of you for this.

i strive to grow as a mother. i love francois and sean, and they need me to be the best mother i can be. they are the blessings in my life, and i need to show them this.

i love to grow as a supporting, happy, loving partner for mike, who is the most amazing man, and the best friend and supportive partner a girl could ever want, and who makes me happier than i ever thought possible.

these 2 are also the kind of things were one needs to work constantly on growth. unfortunately, as the economy worsened, i needed to put in longer hours in the shop. and my stress levels increased. the man also had a very demanding job that kept him going for long hours. these factors are not very conducive to family bliss. a C here. not too great!

i dream to grow as a friend.  there are so many wonderful people in my life, who are the sunbeams that brighten my days, the supports that help me carry the load, the fertilizer that help me grow. i need to love them more, to hug them tighter, to phone/sms them often, compliment them every time, and thank them constantly for their unwavering love.

once again, long working hours do not help in this respect. and between work and family/home life, there was way too little time for friendship. i am so appreciative of the friends who know and understand and forgive this, and who come to the shop to visit me. thanks! a C here too. maybe a C-.

i try to grow in positivity. in south africa today there is sooo much negativity! i will try to have and spread more hope, more love, more passion, more friendliness.

i did try. this was probably the most difficult year to be positive in, in south africa. we had a lot going against us. on the financial and political front there was a lot of drama and turmoil, and with electricity and telephone problems (my shop had been without a working telephone line for 11 months so far, and no end in sight), crime, uncertainty, a declining currency, and growing pessimism and huge emigration, it has been hard work. i started the year off low. now i'm better. or just numb. it is not great, but taking the tough times in consideration, i give myself a B-. 

did i do well? no. not at all. but it was a very difficult year. and i did have some growth. so, all in all i passed. i go on to 2009. i'm sure things can only get better...

did you have a word? what was it? how did you do? do you have a word for 2009 yet? tell me, i'd really love to know.

 

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

ss Agamemnon and Captain Douwe Sparrius

i am bound to them,
though i cannot look into their eyes
or hear their voices.
i honor their history,
i cherish their lives,
i will tell their story.
unknown

Ss Agamemnon

On the morning of 8 November 1940, the steamship ss Agamemnon (1930 ton) carrying freight, was in a convoy, in Barrow Deep on the English East Coast, on the way from South End to Cardiff (another source says from Newcastle to South End). The Captain was Douwe Sparrius, my maternal grandmother’s father.

At about 13h55 a German bomber dropped 2 bombs on the front deck of the ship, and one bomb fell next to the ship. The front of the ship began sinking immediately, and thick smoke rose from the engineroom. The engine was stopped and the crew tried, under leadership of C Mentink, to lower the lifeboats who were always ready to be launched. But as the front of the ship was listing too much, this was no longer possible. Within approximately 3 to 5 minutes the whole ship had sunk.

The crew had jumped in the water, and held on as far as possible to planks from the wreckage and one lifeboat that had come loose. After about 45 minutes the crew was picked up by the British destroyer HMS Cattistock, but my great-grandfather, Captain Douwe Sparrius, who had not been wearing a lifevest, probably drowned due to exhaustion. He and the English radiographer C Hubbuck were never seen again. The body of the British Cannoner Sgt Kenneth Thorpe was found. That same evening the crew was dropped back at South End. Three crew members were hospitalized.

this telegram was to inform the family of Sgt Kenneth Thorpe of his death.

Sources: various internet sites. www.google.com

francois has always been fascinated with history, and so all those family stories have always meant a lot to him. after he had heard the story about the ship and his great-great grandfather, he googled it, and found some info, including a photo of the ship. isn't the internet awesome!

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

my worst fear...

today i'm facing my worst fear.

some time ago i wrote a post called it happened to me, where i wrote about how, after losing my first husband ronnie in an aeroplane crash, i have this issue. ok, i have lots of issues, but today we will just focus on this one, ok?

you see, when something bad happens to you, you also lose your built-in 'it cannot happen to me' shield. since that dreadful day, almost 7 years ago, i have had to deal with my constant fear of it happening again. generally i am an optimist, and i don't tend to worry about what-ifs. except this one: i worry that someone close to me may die. i especially worry that the man, francois and sean may die. i know people die. heck, i know people die! but i also know how terribly bad that is. and i also know that it can happen to me.

this morning, very early, the man, francois and my mother, left with a bunch of other people in 2 mini-buses, to go to port shepstone from benoni. a trip of about 7/8 hours. on the highway. in holiday season. on a public holiday. in the early morning hours, when drivers are tired. i stayed behind, because i had to work today. 3 of my closest loved ones, together in one vehicle.

as i write this, the man has already let me know they have arrived safely. so one half done. before i heard this, i could not even write about it, my stress levels were too high. after they got to port shepstone, they each get behind the wheel of a little chana truck, and started the long drive back. lots of those little trucks need to be driven to gauteng, so they are paying people to drive them back. the man was one of the drivers down in the bus, so he will be driving a total of 15/16 hours today. the rest will drive only one direction. alone in a truck. including francois, my 22 year old son, who has never driven more than 2 hours in one go. they will only be home late tonight.

from the moment that it was all arranged and confirmed last night, i have had this internal battle. i have been constantly praying. i have had the thin, cold snake of fear slithering inside my stomach, so bad that i woke up with a stomach ache. and i feel like i cannot really breathe. extreme stress. in fact, i'm finding it very difficult to write this...

but, i have been working on it. i have been trying to breathe, and to relax. i have been placing my fear in HIS hands. ok, i have been taking it back all the time too, but i know that HE is in control. 

today i'm facing my worst fear. and i'm not doing too well. what is yours?

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

graduation....

i took the photos from francois' graduation, and used them on the paper i 'quilted' as i showed here.

 

the left side of the layout shows francois' dad, ronnie, at his graduation in 1985. he got a B COM (Accounting) degree. and the next year a B COM (Hons). he was a chartered accountant.

the right side of the layout shows francois where he got his BA (Politics and Economics) degree. he is almost finished with his BA (Hons) in Economics, so we will get more pics to scrap soon.

so, father and son graduated at the same university. and they are the same age in these pics. me? well, i still look the same, just different hair...

 

you see how scrapbooking lets you tell a story?

do you also see that once again i used no 'graduation' themed paper or embellishments? and no flowers or butterflies. i used great restraint.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

bye bye butterflies...

see these butterflies? they are getting ready to fly far, far away, across the atlantic ocean, all the way to the USA.

beth saw these butterflies in this post, and asked me to send her some. it took a while, because they had to first come out of their little eggs. but, they are ready, and will be leaving shortly. because they are young butterflies, and their wings are made of paper, they will be flying by airmail...

*edited to add: i mailed them this morning (sat), beth. they should board the plane on tuesday or wednesday, provided their passports are in order.i don't know when they will get to your house, they might take the scenic route. i hope they don't gat airsick on the way...*

i could not log on to the internet this morning, so i closed microsoft explorer, and gave firefox a try. my son francois has been nagging me for ages. so far, so good. which one do you use?

unfortunately, i will not be going to the scrappink event after all, as there was no space for me! ha! they are gonna miss me! *sigh*! i was so looking forward to sitting down and scrapping. oh well, next time maybe..

i have been designing a business card for myself, using my still new digital scrapbooking skills. i love how it came out!

now i have to find someone who will print them for me.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

convention layouts: margie romney-aslett

margie represented making memories, and she presented 3 single page layouts that i converted into 2 double layouts.

the paper on the outside looks a lot pinker than it is.

i am not one of those people who feels that a layout of a boy/man may not have any flowers on it whatsoever. the flowers i used are blue and green. how do you feel about using flowers, ribbon and a little pink on 'guy' layouts?

 

the journaling says:

hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,

hundreds of bees in the purple clover, hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,

but only one MOTHER the wide world over.

george connor, found on quotegarden.

i see that quite a few of my bloggy friends are posting their finished layouts. stefanie, sophia, and others.

 

you can download a free school digital scrapkit here. thanks annette for the heads-up.

are you as confused as i am about all the drama in south africa's politics? you can find out a little more about kgalema motlanthe, who is apparently our new president, here.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

thank you so very much!

i got this award from both tracy and michelle:

tracy said:
thanks for your inspiration and honest blogging ... and also: Then to Jacki JVR - I always find something to giggle about on your blog and I love that you are so open and honest, thanks ...

my problem is that they nominated some of my favorite blogs! now, who do i chose? i would have loved to award it to all those blogs i regularly read, but most of them have already got one...

the scrapbooking girls who's blogs i read, especially the south african ones, are so generous and friendly. they are not afraid to share and to comment and to praise. they challenge, and take part in challenges. it is an honor to be a part of such a wonderful group. and, i'm finding new south african blogger-scrappers every week. i will update my blogroll with my new friends soon.

so, what do i do now? i thought i would look a little wider. and i thought i would nominate some blogs that are new to me. some of them are new, and some are established, but i have just found them.

so i nominate:

eilandkind, for a beautiful, yummy, afrikaans blog

brenda, for a delightful scrapbooking blog from australia

melani, who is so amazingly creative, and for whom scrapbooking is easy and blogging is a challenge

sam ellis, who is rather new at blogging but not new at scrapbooking, and she takes interesting photos

nicky, who is really is a new blogger and a great friend

hayley, who lives in cape town, but is from benoni, although she never mentions it on her blog

simply-mel, who keeps it real, and who writes about her everyday life

francois, who will scoff at this award, and probably die before he mentions it on his blog, but who writes so incredibly well (he takes after his brilliant mother...)

and last, but not least, kwebbel, who's posts i don't always understand as she writes mainly in german, but the photos of her projects are understandable and inspiring, and who nominated me for a blog award a few months ago

The rules are simple:

1 Make a blog post where you pass the award on to seven blogs you like and

2 Post a comment at their blog to tell them about the award!

 

phew, it's done! i still feel guilty daily because i never passed on the brillante weblog award, and i hope this makes up for it.

 

i was very nervous when i posted the photos of the sheep in my last post. it is so special for me to experience the birth of all the animals on our property. i realize that there are people who go their entire lives without ever experiencing anything like it, and so i wanted to share it. thanks for the overwhelmingly positive response.

 

 

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa
 

verjaarsdag...

the afrikaans word 'verjaarsdag' means 'birthday'.

here is a layout i scrapped on friday. the photos are of francois's 11^th birthday, in 1997:

i haven't made cards in quite a while, so i thought i would use the scraps and make some. i used card positioning systems sketch #78:

see the sewing? it's my current addiction.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

these cards were featured on card positioning systems

google reader follow up

i have been called many things before, but it is the first time iv'e been called an awesome chick.. thanks, sophia. i think.

you can read my post about google reader here.

anyway there seem to be quite a few girls who are trying the google reader, and everybody seems to like it. i have found a drawback, though...

the first few days i opened it every day, and kept up to date easily. so i added more blogs. then i didn't have time to read for a few days. and since then, i have been unable to catch up. and having all those posts in the reader, makes me feel like i have to read them. all 85+ unread blogposts...

now you know why i'm online till the early morning hours on a sat night! i may never be able to go on holiday again. can you imagine how many blog posts my reader will have then....

*edited to add: i just found out that you can read blogs on your cellphone through google reader. and i don't have a very fancy phone. from your phone, in the web browser function, you type in www.reader.google.com, and surf away! *

i did enjoy catching up, though. the man had fallen asleep on the couch, as usual, on saturday night, while he was watching a movie with sean. i got into bed with the laptop at 20h30, and started reading blogs. for hours! uninterrupted! it was wonderful. at 12h30 am, i was almost up-to-date, when my google reader informed me that sophia had posted. so, as a last stop, i read her post, and went to sleep.

ok, so it wasn't entirely uninterrupted. i went ouside at around 23h00 for this:

spectacular isn't it? nah, i didn't think so either...

at least i got some quality time with francois, lying on our backs in the dog poop, shivering and freezing, and being attacked by the puppy who was convinced that the whole production was staged just for her playing pleasure...

and now i'm off to the dentist. oh joy!

love, jacki

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

domestic bliss...

this is a typical winter's evening in our house. see the roaring fire in the background? ok, not so typical. usually we are out of wood. the men lying around, and the dirty dishes and the general messiness, now that is typical. the only thing missing, is a few cats and dogs. usually, the man has a cat lying on his chest. we have 4 cats, 3 dogs, 9 sheep, and a large assortment of ducks, guinea fowl, turkeys, and other birds. ah yes, domestic bliss...

on wilna's blog she has a link to this awesome layout. i think is is fabulous too. so i thought i would share it with you. also, i am linking it here, so that i can find it myself if i want to look at it again...

did you see how sexy donna downey is? she lost weight, and looks great. no more skinny poses for her...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

tannie muis - time and about magazine issue 8

i have just spent the entire morning reading blogs. i have tons of work to do, which makes reading blogs soooo much more fun. i wish i could make blogging my full-time job. then i could call this morning 'research'. mind you, if blogging was my job, i would probably spend the entire morning filing and doing admin, since anything is always better than working... having said that, i made scrapbooking my full-time job, and look how much scrapbooking i am doing lately.

i want to introduce a feature here, a kind of a blog of the week. except, i don't want to commit myself to a weekly thing. so i will call it a blog of the moment. it can be any blog. anything you like. tell me who you read. and i will tell you who i find. ok?

i have a new baby in the house. sean got a little jack russell puppy for his birthday. it is sooo cute! and demands attention all the time. it has spent the morning lying on my lap, sleeping in my blanket.

a while ago, time and about magazine asked me to participate in their 'inspiration' challenge. it appears in the current magazine, issue #8. it follows on the previous time i had a layout published. does being published twice entitle me to say i have been published a couple of times?... :) here is what it is about:

when francois was little, he used to refer to the 'tannie muis', instead of the 'tande muis'. this is afrikaans for the tooth fairy.

i made a shakerbox containing his baby teeth! i have wanted to do that for ages. it seemed to me to be a logical place to store them. so much better than in a used plastic pill container in my panty drawer...

you can find a tutorial on how to make a shakerbox here.

 

on the journaling tag i wrote this (translated from afrikaans):

"you always talked about 'tannie muis' (aunty mouse) instead of 'tande muis' (tooth fairy). when you were about 7 or 8, you declared one day that you no longer believed in the tooth fairy. yet, you spent the entire afternoon putting the tooth in a jungle oats box, on cotton wool, with a note. and then you created a trail from the front door to your room, with letters and arrows, in case the tooth fairy could not find the way. you were too afraid to not believe.

it is a pity that i did not scrap then. because then i would still have all the notes and lots of photos. fortunately, i did keep all your teeth, so now i can at least scrap the only 2 'toothless' photos, and the teeth, and the story." 

along with the layout, we also had to create something else. i made these three cards. i used my revolutionary, world-famous, ground-breaking (not!) method of cutting 3 cards from one sheet of cardstock.

here is the magazine, in case you want to rush out and buy it, mom...

and here is what we got as the source of inspiration. see if you could do anything better with it...

every time i get to this point in my post, the whole typepad screen crashes, and i have to open typepad again, get to this post and try to go on. and then it happens again. when will i learn to save continuously? fortunately, i have an amazing command of HTML. i can insert <br>. that's it. that's all i know. but it has helped a million times. maybe soon i could do a tutorial on this...

in the meantime, however, i am sooo late to fetch sean from school. so i have to rush!

love, jackie

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, south africa

it happened to me..

human beings were designed with this 'it cannot happen to me' shield. you know, when you hear of other's misfortune, you sympathize deeply, but somewhere deep inside your subconscious you believe that 'it cannot happen to me'.

we need this feeling. it is our built-in shield. without it, we would go mad. can you imagine what our lives would be like if we did not have this mechanism. it is what keeps us sane. (well, kinda).

when something does happen to us, me, however, then i lose that feeling. that is why a relatively small break-in or a robbery or an accident can be so traumatic. it is not the physical stuff that i lose. it is that shield, that comfort that i lose. now, i will never be able to tell myself that 'it cannot happen to me', because it did! this leaves me vulnerable, raw and exposed to the worry that constantly nags, that little voice that keeps whispering 'it can happen to me. it did happen to me. now, what if it happens again...'

i am not a worrier by nature. i do not live in fear as many south africans do. i am careful and responsible, but i do not constantly fret about an attack, or robbery or hijack. i am surprised every time people ask me if i am not afraid alone in my shop. and believe me, i get asked this almost every day. people ask me if i am not afraid driving home at night after dark, especially on a thursday evening when we leave the shop after a workshop at after 11pm. i suppose that if i asked those people, it would come out that they have experienced a robbery or hijack themselves.

ronnie's mother is terrified of snakes. i know a lot of people are, but she is worse. she would never walk in nature or relax in a game park or on a farm, as she is constantly worries about snakes. she talks about it all the time. but, she was bitten by a snake as a child, and almost died as a result.

i was reading a novel by jonathan kellerman a week or so ago, and in it he described it so well. i cannot find the passage to quote it verbatim, but it talked about the thin, cold snake of fear that had been slithering inside his stomach for a while. and then, in the story, the thin snake suddenly rears it's head and bares it's fangs and hisses in his face. what a chillingly accurate description! do you know what he means? have you felt that thin, cold snake in your belly too? tell me, i'd like to know.

it happened to me that my husband died. in a plane crash. one normal, sunny friday morning in april 2002. just like that, it happened to me. and on that day i didn't just lose a husband, but i also lost my shield.

if the man is just a little later in coming home than expected, then the reasonable, unruffled, non-worrier in me becomes frantic. suddenly, i am filled with fear. the voices inside me start whispering. they say 'it can happen to me. it did happen to me. what if it happens to me again...'.

last week the man was in hospital for a few hours for some tests. and we had to wait a few days for the results. in this time, no matter how hard i tried to ignore it, that thin, cold snake slithered around in my belly. those voices whispered 'it can happen to me. it has happened to me. what if it happens to me again...'normally i refuse to worry about the worst, as i reason that if the worst happens there is plenty of time to worry then, and if the worst doesn't happen, i have wasted a lot of time and energy worrying unnecessarily. but this last week, i constantly felt that snake. and every time i did, i prayed to GOD to let this cup pass the man, and me, and to take those awful thoughts away.

thankfully i can say that HE has been true, and that the diagnosis of ulcerative colitis, although uncomfortable, is treatable and not too serious. this time i beat that snake. and i thank GOD for this. and next time i feel him slithering in my belly, i will tell him again how powerful my GOD is. and if the worst were to come to pass, than i know that GOD will be there for me, as HE always is. and while i know my psycologial shield will probably always fail me, GOD will shield me, better than i ever can.

 

francois sometimes takes my camera, and snaps away, and when he is finished he puts my camera back. then, when i download my photos i find lots of surprise photos. he took these photos on his birthday of my siblings' kids.

the two guys in this photo are eduard - my brother andre's son, and tian - my sister paula's son. how's this for cooperation...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, south africa

happy birthday francois!

 

this is francois. he is 22 years old today. he is my pride and joy. happy birthday, son! i hope you have a great day, and a blessed year.

your father would have been so proud...

It'll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers.  ~Author unknown, quoted in You Said a Mouthful, Ronald D. Fuchs, ed.

 

last night francois got his Baccalaureus Artium (BA) degree in Politics and Economics.

he is doing his honors degree in economics this year. i am proud of you!

I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver.  Then they would really be educated.  ~Al McGuire