{scraps of jacki's life}

Going to the chapel...

Dear family and friends

I wanted a country wedding. I wanted to get married in a rough and simple ‘klipkerkie’ on a farm, and have a late Tuscan lunch outside at long tables under trees, with family and friends. I wanted buckets of flowers and rice instead of confetti. I wanted matching rings and a flowy dress and flowers in my hair. I wanted to be thinner. I wanted a donkey cart and lots of flower girls.

Every time I started to plan it, I realized that I didn’t have enough time, money and energy to arrange it all, so I kept postponing it. And before I knew it, it was 9 years later…

In the last few months, both Mike and I have been feeling God’s calling to do more of His work. And we have been feeling prompted by Him, to live a life of obedience. We were starting to feel an urgency to get ‘hitched’.

Recently, sick loved ones made me stop focusing on what I cannot have, and see what I DO have - a wonderful, kind, good, loving man, right beside me. After 9 years I know this: he makes me happy. He completes me. I want to be his wife.

And so we decided that we would no longer wait. I would stop worrying about a dress; we would get married in something I already had. I would not waste more time looking for the perfect rings and music and flowers. There would be no stress over whom to invite. No donkey-cart and no honeymoon. I would stand in the local chapel, in front of God and our immediate family, and say YES to marry my best friend.

So here I am. No frills. No fuss. Just love. And commitment. Just US!

Thank you for your support.

Love, Jacki Hayter (finally!)

PS. Dad Ron: I am sorry we didn’t make it in time for you to be here. We miss you. But we know you are here in spirit. And in our hearts.

Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God

 

The English language has 2 small words, which have to convey so much meaning. The little words ‘Thank You’ are almost inadequate to convey the gratitude we feel towards the following people:

Our family: You have watched each of us get married before, and you were there to pick up the pieces when life became difficult. Thank you for all you have meant to us, and all the support you give us. Thank you for being here on a winter’s morning, at such short notice, for our happy day. To my parents, Jan and Lotty, thanks for letting us share your wedding anniversary. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Trevor Hudson: I know I am the first bride ever, and will probably always be the only one, who arranged the entire wedding service with you via Twitter. Thank you for being available at such short notice, and thank you for your ongoing guidance.

Hayley Malherbe: My dear friend, who took time off from her work to take the photos. Thank you for everything, and thank you especially for making me believe that a stripped-down, low-budget, short-notice wedding can also be special.

Thank you so much!

Mike and Jacki

3 July 2012

An (almost) untold story

I was about 12-ish. I standard 5, I think. An early teen. Young. Innocent.

We were on holiday in Rome - our whole family. We were staying in a hotel. We had breakfast downstairs that morning. I think there was some kind of display in the lobby. Easter eggs, or something. My family was spending some time walking through it.

I went back upstairs to the room. I don't remember why. I went alone. As I walked down the passage, a young, attractive Italian guy called me over in broken English. He was standing at the door of some kind of service room. He called me inside. I followed him.

Once inside, he pressed me up against the wall, and started to kiss me. This was my first intimate kiss. He kissed me passionately. I was about 12-ish. An early teen. Young. Innocent. At that moment, I thought it was romance. Fairytale stuff. A dream come true. He was attractive, and he kept telling me I was beautiful. I was enjoying it.

I was flattered. Excited. Confused. Scared. Beautiful. Overwhelmed. Powerful. Powerless.

It felt as if I was in a vortex. The world, at it's edges, had stood still. But on the inside - in my head, in my heart, in my body, there was a rush of colours, sounds, thoughts, feelings. I don't know how much time passed. It felt like hours, weeks. In reality it was probably only a few seconds. It was a rush of emotions. And arousal.

When he stopped kissing me, the spell broke.

He was still murmuring about how beautiful I was. He bent down to feel my breasts, thighs and between my legs. It was then that my mind started working again. I pushed him away. I saw an open elevator, a service lift. I jumped in it, and I banged the buttons. As the doors closed, I looked at him standing there. He didn't try to stop me. He looked rejected. He asked me when I was coming back.

On the ground floor, the lift opened in the kitchen. I ran towards the closest door. All the kitchen staff turned and stared at me. The doors led outside. I ran around the side of the hotel, and back in the main doors, into the lobby. I went into the lobby toilets, slammed the door, closed the toilet cover and sat on it with my legs pulled up. I knew that he hadn't come after me, but I only felt safe when I thought he wouldn't find me. Where nobody could find me.

Only then did I breathe again. I shivered and shook. I don't know if I cried, but it is possible. I sat there for a while, until I had regained outward composure.

I didn't tell anybody for more than 15 years. Nobody.

Today, as an adult, as a parent, I know so many things. I know that I was the victim, and that he was doing something terrible to me. I know that I had no reason to feel guilty, but that the guilt stemmed from the fact that I was enamoured, flattered. And aroused. I know that the young me was caught by surprise, unprepared for my reactions and feelings. I was about 12-ish. An early teen. Young. Innocent. I know that my parents would have been supportive. I fact, my mother is probably hurt and sad that I never told her. I know that I didn't tell anyone, because I was so confused and overwhelmed myself.

And I know it could have been worse. So much worse.

Well, there you have it. An untold story. Well almost. I have told a handful of people in my life. It has affected me on many levels, it still does today. The fact that I can recall so much small detail, while I cannot remember much else from that trip, shows that it made a deep impression on me. It awakened feelings in me at a very young age, when I was not emotionally ready to handle them. But I am fine. I have dealt with it. I have grown.

I am deeply aware that there are many people who have gone through serious abuse, rape, incest. Some over very long periods of time, and by people who they knew, and should be able to trust. I cannot imagine their pain, shame, fear and trauma. My incident pales in comparison. If my relatively benign experience affected me the way it did, how much deeper would their wounds be?

If that is your untold story, please consider telling someone?

zie ginds komt de stoomboot uit Spanje weer aan...

In Holland, the Christmas tradition is a little different. There they celebrate Sinterklaas, traditionally on the 5^th of December.  And true to the nature of the Dutch, they celebrate it in style!

The name ‘Sinterklaas’ comes from ‘Sint Nicholas’. He has the same basis as Santa Claus. He was the patron saint of children and sailors. Sinterklaas arrives by steamboat from Spain, and rides with his horse over the rooftops, to deliver gifts through the chimney. He wears red bishop's robes. He has a black helper called ‘Zwarte Piet’ (Black Peter). This helper has Moorish origins.

Traditionally, in the days leading up to the Sinterklaas evening, you place your shoe in front of the fireplace. Of course, it used to be clogs, but today any shoe will do. You also leave carrots or hay, and water for the horse. The next morning, when you wake up, Sinterklaas has left small gifts. He has a book with the names of all the children, so he knows who was naughty, and who was good. The good children get sweets, the naughty ones get ‘de roe’ – a spanking with the broom used to sweep the chimney.

On the day of the Sinterklaas celebration, children welcome Sinterklaas by singing songs, and then ‘Zwarte Piet’ throws hands full of ‘peper noten’, a small spicy biscuit, into the room. He brings with him a big bag of gifts. Often, these gifts come with humorous poems and riddles, often teasing the receiver. It is uncanny how well Sinterklaas knows all the family members.. ;-)

There are many traditional eats around this celebration. As mentioned before, there are ‘peper noten’, a little hard biscuit. You get a chocolate letter, the first letter of your name. ‘Spekulaas’, another traditional Dutch biscuit, is also eaten.

I have never experienced a Sinterklaas celebration in Holland, but I am told that it is incredible. Apparently, a steam boat does really arrive, and Sinterklaas is seen to disembark. To many Dutch people, Sinterklaas is a bigger event than Christmas. Everybody decorates their houses and streets and shops.

Growing up in South Africa, with Dutch parents, we continued the tradition. Firstly because it is part of our Dutch heritage, but also because my religious parents preferred to keep the ‘gifting’ and commercial and silly aspects away from the spiritual nature of the Christ celebration.

Now that we are adults, we still celebrate Sinterklaas as a family together. Although we all have South African partners, and South African kids, we still get together in late November/early December, and celebrate. Although it has become our family tradition, it is also practical – in December some of our families go on holiday, or spend Christmas with their in-laws. This way we get to have our family celebration, and the freedom to go away.

Although traditional Sinterklaas foods and music and decorations are difficult to get here, there is a large Dutch bakery in Edenvale that we get lots of goodies from. For the rest we improvise, or do without.

This year Sinterklaas is being held tomorrow (Friday 3 December), and it is at my house. I wonder what he will bring me? I have been really good this year... 

you can read more about the Sinterklaas celebrations here and here.

all images used here, were found here.

 

silence...

 

Although I am very social, and appear to be extrovert, I am in actual fact an introvert. I need downtime. Quiet time. Introspection time. Think time. And if there is something going on in my life, I need more time even more desperately.

Growing up as the oldest of 4 children, quiet time was hard to get. But even then, in the afternoons after school, I would climb high into the huge black wattle tree we had in the garden, and I would spend hours there, brooding. Nobody else could get up there; in fact mostly nobody even knew I was there. I used to cycle to school a few days a week, even though I hated the exertion. But I did it because it gave me an hour or so of riding home in the afternoons with the wind in my hair (no helmets in those days), and the delicious freedom of having nobody to talk to.

Ronnie, whom I married when I was 19, was an extreme extrovert. He needed people around him all the time, and could not bear to be alone. But as I was a full time mother and housewife shortly after I was married, I could get my silence-fix during weekdays. And when François grew up and our lives became more social and busy, Ronnie was away from home often for work, so I had many evenings and some weekends to be silent. François is very similar; in fact, he needs it more than I do. So even when we were alone together, we could happily spend an entire day or even weekend pottering around, ignoring each other.

Just to clarify: I don't need to be alone/silent all the time. Just a few minutes a day, and a few hours every few weeks is fine.

After Ronnie died I needed even more time, as I was obviously having things to deal with. And concerned family and friends, bless them, wanted to keep me busy, did not want me to be alone. Never understanding that being alone was exactly what both François and I needed. Craved. In that time I learned to take the phone off the hook, switch off my cell, and ignore the doorbell.

Mike is different. He understands. He is the same. He will happily spend hours in his workshop, grinding, welding, working, smoking. And I know to leave him alone. But by the nature of his work he gets lots of 'quiet time', while mine is more social. And Saturdays, when I am at work, he potters happily about. Quietly. Alone.

Then come Sundays. By this time I am craving some downtime. Desperately. And he has had enough alone, quiet, and he wants to go out. Go to a shop, a nursery. He want to go for lunch, or to visit family. And I go along, although I would rather be home, reading.

So when he told me weeks ago that he was going away for a long weekend with a group of guys, to the mighty men conference, I secretly rejoiced. Although I miss him hugely when he is gone, at last some me-time! A whole weekend!

But of course, there was school and work. Life intervenes. So I kept promising myself that I would do everything to keep Sunday open. On Saturday I had to work, but I left the shop as early as possible, so I could go grocery shopping. And Sean wanted to go to a movie, so we went out Saturday evening. Sunday, I kept promising myself. Sunday is mine. Sunday is alone. Sunday! Even bought a new book, so I could read.

Saturday evening my mom told me that my sister wanted me to join the family at her house for tea, because it is mid-way between the birthdays of 2 of her children.

I love my sister. I love her children. I don't see then nearly enough. I seldom see them on their birthdays. I love my brother-in-law. I miss them. So what do I do? To explain to my mom, my wanting to stay home, pottering quietly, rather than visit with family, is futile. She would never understand.

I did not go. I wanted to. But I wanted to be home, quiet, reading, sleeping, more. I’m sorry sis. But I think you do understand. I suspect you need that too...

What would you choose? Do you understand when you read this? Nod your head? Feel the need too? Or would you always choose people over silence? Are you a frustrated introvert as I am? Or are you an extrovert like Ronnie, who almost feared being alone? Do you do a sport, or a hobby, or even a long commute, because it gives you alone time?

Please tell me? I would love to know.

 

you are my hero, brother!

 

the captain of this aeroplane, Andre Bakker, is my brother.

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7 December 2009

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33 unhurt after plane overshoots runway

Roy McKenzie

Cape Town - SA Airlink has confirmed that its flight SA8625 operating from Cape Town to George was involved in "an incident" on landing at George Airport on Monday morning, but that 30 passengers and three crew are unhurt.

"The aircraft, an Embraer 135 (37 seat) regional jet ZS SJX, is reported as having aquaplaned off the end of the wet runway," SA Airlink said.

The incident occurred at 11:06.

"Airlink has arranged trauma counselling for all passengers and crew. Airport staff and trauma councillors are with the passengers at present," spokesperson Karin Murray said.

Ended up on road

"The aircraft appears to be damaged the extent of which is unknown at this stage."

The company apologised for any inconvenience caused to passengers, and said it would release further information as soon as it becomes available.

"The airplane landed at about 11:00 this morning, it went through the lights at the end of the runway, through the fence, and ended up on the road itself," Western Cape police spokesperson Inspector Bernadine Steyn told News24 from the scene.

Traffic was not affected.

Western Cape Safety and Security department spokesperson Julian Jansen told Sapa that the plane came to a halt at an intersection between the airport and the N2 freeway.

"The plane overshot the runway because the brakes apparently failed," Sapa quoted him as saying.

- News24

more articles about the incident here and here and here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Press release:

By George, it was the runway after all!

Johannesburg, 6 May 2010

 
Airlink welcomes today’s pronouncement by the Civil Aviation Authority that the aquaplaning accident at George on 7 December 2009 was caused by a combination of runway deficiencies resulting from; the use of bituminous fogspray, depressions in the runway surface allowing water to pool, and inadequate macro texture and micro texture.
 
The accident catalysed a sequence of events including; an intensive and rigorous audit by the CAA which culminated in some findings that jeopardised the airline, and the unrelated grounding of the Jetstream 4100 aircraft type on 23 December after a benign discontinued takeoff at Mpumalanga, which in isolation would not have justified any intervention by the CAA.  Airlink was as a consequence of the George accident thrown into mayhem and the events that ensued with many flights being disrupted were particularly unsettling for our passengers. Public perceptions created by the media in response to the accident were that Airlink presented an imminent threat to safety and practised alleged “dodgy” maintenance.  Travellers were concerned about flying with Airlink and many chose alternative means of getting to their destinations or cancelled their bookings.  This has been the most difficult period in Airlink’s history and its biggest threat.
 
The thorough audits (and independent reviews by internationally accredited aviation experts including Captain Scully Levin) that Airlink was subjected to and voluntarily undertook, confirmed that Airlink’s aircraft are airworthy, are maintained to the highest international standards, and that Airlink’s operational and safety procedures and standards are world class.
 
Airlink CEO Rodger Foster said “the finding by the CAA that Airlink was not in any way to blame for the George accident is a further affirmation of Airlink’s integrity as a serious and committed airline to upholding the highest international operational and safety standards. Airlink has emerged from the post accident trauma as a stronger leaner more efficient business with enhanced procedures and standards”.
Cognizant that many customers have experienced service disruptions resulting from the restrictions imposed by the CAA on the use of the runway in wet conditions, Airlink is relieved that runway resurfacing is in progress and looks forward to this work being completed on or before 18 May and to the lifting of the restrictions such that air services at George can be normalised for all operators.
 
“Now that the cause of the accident has been made public, Airlink would like to acknowledge the efforts and skills of our crew, Captain Andre Bakker, First Officer Richard Halton and our Flight Attendant Anneena Hurling, in ensuring the safety of our passengers during the accident and subsequently evacuating our passengers was nothing short of heroic. The fact that there were no serious injuries, other than a sprained ankle sustained by the First Officer, bears testament to the professionalism of our pilots in the circumstances. This applies equally to all George airport emergency response staff and especially our passenger handling team led by John Spence, said Rodger.
 

“Airlink wishes to thank our many loyal customers for their continued support of our services and for their numerous messages of encouragement throughout these very challenging times. We apologise for any inconvenience and disruption they may have experienced”, Foster emphasized.

see some news articles on the report here and here and here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

in spite of initial attempts of journalists and news sites and commenters on the websites to blame airlink, the pilots and the maintenance of the planes, it seems that the problem was with the runway.

i am proud of the way my brother and his crew handled this very difficult situation. their actions prevented serious consequences and possible loss of lives.

you are my hero, brother!

 

meet the parents...

francois has made many friends over the years on the internet. people who spend some time online, will know how such friendships become quite important. 

as he has 5 weeks of holidays in june/july, because of the football world cup, and because his 2 year masters degree course affords him some time to do some travel planning, he decided to use this opportunity to do spend some of his long-term savings, and do some overseas travelling. in fact, everything seemed to be working out for him, to make this trip possible.

so he decided to go to USA. but where does one start? visiting a good friend seems like a great way to go about it. so, slowly the trip is taking shape. first he had to apply for a passport, then a visa. as the USA is quite strict in their visa requirements, especially for a single young person, he had to collect a number of documents and letters and references, and he also had to provide proof that he has enough money to fund a holiday. quite a mission.

a few weeks ago i asked francois if he was going to stay at the family of the friend. he said he didn't want to inconvenience them. i told him that i would love to meet and host any friends of his. especially since overseas travel is very expensive. so, he asked. and the family responded with great enthusiasm! they have gotten involved with some of the planning, and with many suggestions and ideas. and an invitation to stay at their house.

all the requirements were met, and the tickets were bought. the ultimate destination is the town where his friend lives in Illinois. this will be the start and end point of his trip.

i have had some (very little) interaction with his friend through comments on my blog, and facebook. but francois told me that her family had started to read my blog, to get to know a little about this stranger coming to visit. i felt a little disadvantaged because they knew at least something about us, and i knew nothing about them. i mean, my baby is going to visit strangers in a strange country. he may be all grown up, but i still worry, you know!

so, i decided to reach out. i got the father's email address from francois, and sent him the following email:

Hi

I got your email address from Francois.

I just wanted to touch base, and tell you how much i appreciate it that you are a contact for Francois for his trip. Going overseas is always a daunting challenge, and doing so alone as a young person for the first time is quite an adventure! It helps to know that you are keeping an eye on him, so to speak.

He is rather a good boy. He is responsible and intelligent and charming. He also has the attention span of a gnat, and his table manners are a little lacking, in spite of 23 years of constant coaching. But i am sure he will be on his best behaviour during his visit. If not, you have my permission to ground/spank him. :-) He can wash dishes, but not cars.

Please let me know if you need anything. You have my email address now.

Thank you,

Jacki

His reply had laughter-tears running down my cheeks!

Jacki,

Thanks for your message.  My trust in the success of Francois' visit is based on three factors:  (1)  He must be a rather high quality person or my daughter would not have developed such a broadly based friendship with him online over the past few years; (2) The unusually detailed font of information about him and the family as described on your extensive blog, the entirety of which I have perused, and throughout which your fondness for him is well documented, and (3) the e-mail communication I have had with Francois, which reflects his most interesting personality, wry wit, politeness, and excruciating respect for the English language.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the "heads up" on the new information about him that you provided.  I will have to do some research on gnats in order to interpret you comment on attention span.  Francois' academic achievements alone would suggest to me that there are some extraordinarily contemplative insects in that part of the world.  Table manners are not among the strong points of anyone in this household, and our dining style could not be less formal.  I have raised three fine children and so far have not felt the need to ground, much less spank any of them, and I am not about to start with an international guest who is an adult graduate student. And finally, were he to wash the dishes it would amaze, shock, and shame my daughters to tears as they have never seen anyone other than their parents do this and it is apparently not considered a 21st century skill.

We are very excited about his visit, and are making lists of things he might wish to do, eat, or visit.  So far we have arranged a flight to see our son in San Francisco, and hope to drive up to Wisconsin sometime.  I suppose that Francois and X might come up with additional destinations here in the Illinois area.

I feel like I know you already, certainly more closely than any of our neighbors, from the wonderful array of postings on your blog.  I am sure Francois will tire of answering questions about this and that which I have read there.  We will do our best to make his visit safe, productive, and interesting.  As I have tried to make clear already, we are not very typical as Americans go, and the diversity of lifestyles in the USA will not be revealed to him in the time available.  But he did express a desire to go off the beaten path, so to speak, and "middle America" is pretty well represented in this state, with a mixture of urban, small town, and very rural environments.

Best regards,    

F

i like these people already, and i feel quite confident that francois will have a great time in visiting them..

 

Ronnie Janse van Rensburg - died 19 April 2002

today marks 8 years since ronnie died.

  
for those who do not know me well: ronnie was my husband, and father of my son francois. he died in an aeroplane crash on friday, 19 April 2002, at wonderboom airport, near pretoria. we had been married 16 years. he was 39 years and 5 days old. he was also a son, a brother, and a business man.

since i started this blog, i have been meaning to write a post describing some of the events that caused his death. there are 3 reasons for this:

i am often asked how he died. it makes it easier if i can just send that person a link with a description. while there are many brief mentions of the accident on the internet, none sum up the situation completely, and from a broad perspective. also, when i blog about something relating to his death, i can link to this post.

when someone searches the internet for ronnie, someone who knew him in the past, they will find this post, and know what happened.

when someone searches the internet for information on this particular accident, for whatever reason, they will find this post. it contains more information than any one other post i have found so far.

on that friday morning, ronnie left home at about 6am, and went to pretoria's wonderboom airport, from where he was going to fly with his 2 friends and co-workers, hendrik smit and jacques swanepoel, to tzaneen, for a business meeting. hendrik was the pilot.

the aeroplane they were flying in, was a cessna 177RG (registration ZS-JMW). shortly after takeoff, at about 07h27, they crashed into a wall and boma on a residential property in klippan street, about 1km south east of the airport. all 3 people on board were killed on impact. the plane burst into flames, and the wall, boma and plane were destroyed.

the cessna was full of fuel, and the fuel tanks are in the wings. crash damage to the wings meant that the entire area was drenched in aviation fuel, and the fire was intense and consumed everything.

subsequent investigations by the civil aviation authority found that both the pilot and the air traffic controller were at fault. as it is the air traffic controller's job to oversee the flow of air traffic, he should have seen that the pilot was on the wrong runway. he gave conflicting and confusing instructions.

i know there are people would be interested in reading accident reports. my father and brother, who are both pilots, find these informative. i link to the full, 18 page accident report from the civil aviation authority here. you are welcome to read it if you wish.

_________________________________________________________________

every year i am surprised at how intense my emotions during the week from his birthday (14 april) to the anniversary of his death (19 april). although i have grieved, and overcome my grief, it still affects me every april. even after 8 years.

i often blog about dealing with ronnie's death, and the journey and growth that came from it. but, i assure you that i am fine. i have found new happiness with mike. he is a wonderful man, and we have been together about 6.5 years. i do not grieve, and cry, and mope every day. i do have issues, and fond memories, and 'what if's. i am always sad on francois' birthdays, and at his graduation ceremonies, and when i see what a wonderful young man he has become. his dad would have been proud. and i am sad for ronnie's mom and dad, who's son is lost forever, and his brother and sister, who's 'ouboet' will never be with them again.

the growth i have experienced during those 8 years has been incredible. this event has formed me as i am today, more than any other, bar the birth of my son. if ronnie were to come back today, he would not recognise me. i am not the woman he once knew. i am better. you don't have to feel sorry for me. really!

you can read what i wrote about his last birthday here.

you can read more blog posts on dealing with ronnie's death here.

you can read some other posts on the accident, such as newsreports, here, here, here, here,

 

more old photos...

this is a follow up to the

old photo post.

this is me in the eighties. i was still sooo young!

and i already had this cute little baby, francois!

 

my parents were so proud of their first grandchild....

...even if he did look like a little monkey... ;-)

here we were celebrating his first birthday. the blonde on the right is my sister, paula.

such an adorable face.

see how young ronnie and i were here? i was younger in this photo than francois is now.

ready for a day at the beach..

and just to show you how grown-up he is now, here is a photo taken at his graduation ceremony in march. he got his BA Honors degree in Politics, cum laude!

but he is still mommy's little cute baby...

 

old photos...

so yesterday i was looking for a baby photo of me to use for #babyavatarweek on twitter. i found a few old photos, and had lots of fun scanning and editing them all!

  

this is me as a baby. cute, hey? nothing much has changed...

 

i know, the photos look ancient!

  

they are....

 

grainy. moody.

  

myself and paula. my mom had a tradition where she would take us all for a family photo when the youngest at the time was one year old. so in the above photo, if paula was 1, i was 3.

here andre was 1, paula was 3 and i was 5.

there should be a similar photo from where i was 8, paula was 6, andre was 4 and carla was 1, but i cannot find it now.

 

ps. i have photos of francois as a baby too. will post soon!

one quiet hour of me-time...

they stumble and run out of the house at just before 7am, to go to school and work, and leave me alone for my favourite time of the day.

from just before 7am every morning i have one quiet hour, some me-time. this is the time i make my toast and coffee, and get back into bed, and read, or use my phone to go online to catch up with last night's twitter, and follow links to the news and stories of the day. i just breathe and chill and relax. at just before 8am i have to get into the shower, and get ready to leave, to open my shop on time at 9am.

that one quiet hour of me-time i cherish...

so, after they leave the house in a rush, and the house gets restfully quiet, i stumble to the kitchen in my pj's. i reach for the kettle, to switch it on, and find it is empty. so i take it to the tap to fill. while it is filling, i grab the wet cloth, to wipe down the counter, that is full of breadcrumbs and sugar and water from the breakfast rush. i also wipe down the kettle. while waiting for the water to boil, i gather all the water bottles and coffee cups standing around and put them in the basin. while fumbling for the coffee bottle, i see the sugar container is empty, and i fill it up from the big tub on top of the cupboard.

i stumble over the cat. she complains, and i see their food bowl is empty. i reach up for the food, and fill their bowl. then i rinse the water bowl and fill it with fresh water, and fill the dog's bowl with her food. i accidentally kick the water bowl, so i mop up the spill, and wipe the stains off the floor while i am busy, and refill the bowl with water.

i take out the toaster, and as i pick it up it rains crumbs. so i grab the cloth, and wipe up the crumbs and wipe down the toaster. i take out the bread and see it is almost finished, so go to the freezer to get a new loaf so it can defrost. while i am there, i take out the meat for tonight, and make a mental note that i must use the frozen carrots soon. i put in 2 slices of bread to toast, and while i wait, i wipe down the inside and outside of the bread tin, and lift it to wipe below it and behind it. in the meantime, the toast has burned, so i take the slices to the rubbish bin, to scrape off the black bits. the bin is full, so i take out the bag and knot it, and put it outside. i get a new bag, and put it in the bin. then i decide that the toast is still too burnt, so i put 2 new slices in the toaster, while i go outside to give the burnt toast to the big dog.

on my way back in, i find sean has decided against taking his jersey to school, and has dumped it on the couch in the lounge. i take it to his room, and switch off his lights, the bathroom lights and his radio. i shake my head at the state of his room. in the lounge the remote controls are on the couch, so i put them in their place, and i straighten the carpet, and the throw, and the coffee table, and put the magazine away.

back in the kitchen, i reach for the butter, and see that the tub is practically empty. so i go to the fridge to get a new one, and see that there are no more. so i write it on the grocery list, along with a few other items. back to the toast, i put cheese on one slice, and go to the grocery cupboard to get the syrup for the other slice. the bottle is very sticky, so i get the cloth and wipe down the bottle. before i can put the bottle back in the cupboard, i have to wipe the whole shelf because it is full of syrup too. i water my plants on the windowsill, and break out a few dead leaves.

reaching into another cupboard for a plate, i find the top one was not washed properly, so i put it in the basin, and get a new one, and put the toast on it. i put the cutting board, knives, cheese cutter and teaspoon in the basin, and wipe the counter again. grabbing the kettle, i feel the water has cooled, so i put it on to boil again. while i wait, i see that there is no milk left, so i get a sachet from the freezer, and put it out to thaw.

finally, i take my cup of coffee, and plate of now-cold toast, and with a contented sigh, i get into bed. just as i read the first sentence, i hear something. i get up to find my cleaning lady has arrived, and is in the freshly cleaned kitchen. i realise with a shock that that means it is now just after 8am, and i am already running late, and i have not even had my coffee yet...

...and i wonder for a moment why that one quiet hour of me-time that i cherish, always seems to be so short...

  

ps. i was admonished by linda on facebook, so i edit to add this: when i got to the shop, i spent a few minutes chatting to linda. suddenly, she checked my earrings, and started laughing. i was wearing 2 different earrings! they are not even remotely the same. shows you how crazy things were this morning...

braces...

today sean went from this:

  

to this:

  

via this:

 

and is it my imagination, or is there fluff on that upper lip?

of course, the whole evening it was rather painful. but it will get better, and soon his cute little face will look completely different.

  

ps. ugh. my blog is acting funny. so i cannot do a final check of this post. i will look tomorrow, and if something is wrong, i will fix it.

a comforting dream...

i was reading this post by allie a little while ago, about the guy who was eaten by the shark. she said 'Apparently his wife saw him being shaken around by the shark. Unthinkable trauma. It is unreal to think that life for the rest of us just goes on, but in a second, her life has changed forever.' and that suddenly made me remember something that happened to me. a bittersweet experience.

on the night after ronnie died, i had a dream. well, actually i think it was more like a vision, but whatever. i don't know about you, but i dream in pictures. almost like a movie. i was dreaming that i was lying on hundreds of hands. lying. not sitting or standing. lying. and these hundreds of hands were lifting me up. lifting me up to the light and warmth of GOD.

the implication of this dream was very powerful. i was lying on all those hands. those hands symbolized everybody who loved me, knew me, or even had just heard of me or of ronnie  or francois. or just heard of the plane crash. the hands that lifted me up to GOD were all the many, many prayers, of the many, many people, who were lifting me up to HIS light. HIS warmth. His strength.

at that moment i knew that no matter how difficult things were, below me was the prayerful support of many people, and above me was HIS comfort. and i knew that i would be ok.

  

ps. all these years i have been looking for someone who could paint/draw a picture of that for me. not big, A4 or smaller. just to place somewhere as a visual reminder of that feeling of comfort. if you can, please tell me?

randoms..

i'm feeling a little blah at the moment, so creating a blog-post from scratch seems a little daunting today. so before i let ages pass without posting again, i thought it was meme time...

i got this one from wenchy's blog.

Opening…

Do you get regular massages? no. i would love to. but i just cannot justify the expense.

Do you have an answering machine? yes. but i hate it.

What cuss word do you use the most? i don't cuss. i'm a f.*u.c*k.ing lady..

Are you underweight or overweight? over. way over. way, way over. *sigh*

Can you see your veins? yes. my skin is so light, it is see-through in places. my veins are blue, so i must be royalty.

Favourite…

Soap? any. not fussy. as long as it smells fresh, it is fine.

Fruit? watermelon. berries.

Kind of red meat? beef and pork. i'm not fond of mutton. unless it's curry.

Fish? any. i love fish. but i seldom cook it myself.

Candy bar? lindt dark chocolate... *drool*

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of chips? what? me? never! *crosses fingers behind back*

Eaten lobster? yes. yum.

Climbed a mountain? yes. and once i fell and tore the ligaments in my ankle just when i got to the top during a hike. and had to WALK for kilometers and hours like that, crying and swearing, to get back down. ugh!

Been skydiving? no. not sure i would want to.

Been water skiing? no. been on the boat a couple of times, though.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life? yes. of course. a lot!

Like salt and vinegar chips? no.

Eat salsa? yes.

Own a boat? no.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences? admin. especially bookkeeping and taxes.

Your most macho trait? i can use tools.

The longest relationship you’ve ever had? parents.

Your most embarrassing thoughts? what? i only have pure thoughts.

Your most shameful moment? that would be telling...

This/That…

Bath/Shower? shower. don't like a bath at all.

Markers/ Crayons? crayons.i have to choose?

Pens/ Pencils? pens. i think. what kind of questions are these?

Jelly/ Cream Cheese? jelly. cream cheese reminds me of diets. blegh!

Bagel/ Toast? toast. with butter. and syrup.

Finish…

My greatest weakness is… 

I wish I was… thinner. richer. funnier.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are… i would do anything for a million dollars. well, almost anything...

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is… a mopani worm.

Firsts…

Credit card you had? standard bank.

Loan you got was for? to buy our first house.

Paycheck was for how much? cannot remember. i do remember when ronnie earned R800pm. and when his boss asked him how much he would like to earn, he said, seriously reaching, R2000pm! *gasp!* those were the days....

Time you had stitches? probably when my tonsils were removed. first external stitches were for c-section.

Time you went to the hospital for something? tonsils.

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? are you kidding? i have to list EVERYTHING?

Last thing you used a credit card for? don't have a credit card. debit card. probably pick 'n pay.

What was your job previous to the one you have now? stay-at-home mom.

Last thing you celebrated? new year. christmas.

Last time you were at a sports bar? cannot remember. i am not really a 'bar' kinda person. or a sports kinda person.

 

first day of high school...

 

sean started high school yesterday. of course, when your mother is a blogger and a scrapbooker, you have to pose for photos. to capture the moment...

the poor thing. he was soooo nervous! he could not even smile.

not even his dad's silly jokes could cheer him up!

but, 2 days into this new adventure, and he is fine!

love, jacki

ps: i will do a 'i'm-sorry-for-not-blogging' catch-up post soon. i have lots to tell...

sometimes i wish...

... i could work from home.

i would love to do some blog-designing and writing work. and i would love to do it from home.

why?

well, i could work on my laptop. in bed. in my pajamas.

discipline would not be a problem, because i have a supervisor:

her name is snowy. and she is a strict taskmaster..

she sleeps with her head on my keyboard. and since i don't have the heart to disturb her, i don't move.

of course, sometimes i have to share her with sean.

maybe then i could jump up for a quick shower, and to get some coffee.

i posted about her here before. she is the princess in our house.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

profile pics..

i love that in the new typepad i can make (and change) the URL for my blogposts. in fact, there is a lot i love about the new typepad!

i wanted a new profile pic. and as i hate myself in photos, and i cannot act natural in front of a camera, and i had an unexpected 15 minutes available, i took some photos of myself in the mirror.

....as you do...

my theory is that if i take 100 photos, 1 of them should be OK.

there is so much wrong with this photo. but somehow the grittiness and moodiness reflects me at this time, so it will do for now...

i have thought of an interesting theme for a blogpost. i have even come up with a catchy title. my best post ever! now, all i have to do is write it...

i found this video on vanessa's blog. having an adult son myself, i found this hilarious! except in our case it works the other way around..

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

waste not want not...

so i am in the shower. i have just washed my hair, and i put conditioner on it. enough conditioner.

and there is one drop of conditioner left in the tube. one drop. and i want to throw the tube away. but i cannot do that, as there is one drop of conditioner left. not enough for next time. just one drop.

so i put it on my hair. now the tube is empty, and i can throw it away.

i cannot waste the one drop of conditioner by throwing it away. but i can waste the conditioner by putting it on my hair, although i already have enough there.

and if i was only quirky this way with conditioner, it would be ok. but i'm quirky like this everywhere. my parents grew up in the war, where there was a shortage of all goods. and they taught me to feel guilty if i 'waste' something. some things are easy to decant from the old container to the new. a few instant coffee granules left in the bottle are easy to pour into the new bottle. and a little more tomato paste in the pasta sauce does not make much difference. i even stick the last sliver of the old soap on the new bar, and it bothers nobody.

but if i am full and there are still a few bites of food left, i have to eat it all. i have always admired those people who can leave a few forkfuls of food on their plate, and push it away. or leave a few bites of cake or pudding. lets face it, throwing that food away is less wasteful that eating it even if i don't want it.

of course, sometimes it is a cultural thing. where my parents taught me that if you dish up for yourself, you eat it all. you clean your plate. leaving some food is rude and wasteful. ronnie's afrikaans mother thought that if you clean your plate, it means that you did not have enough food. she would press constantly for you to take more. if you were full, then you would have left some food on your plate.

the one thing about living in africa is that no matter how holed the underwear or worn the shoes, there is always someone who has literally nothing, and who is glad to have it. so i'm spared the anguish of having to throw those away.

this morning i put the little smiley-face gadget on the toothpaste tube that lets you squeeze the last molecule out of it. mike has been using the new tube for a few days already, because he says that just because i am obsessed, it doesn't mean he has to suffer.

this is the same man who has made me get potato peels and apple cores out of the rubbish bin after i accidentally threw them in there, because they have to go to the sheep/birds/composter..

do you do stuff quirky like that too? please tell me how much precious time you waste so you don't waste a few measly cents? please remind me that i am not the only one...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

shitty day..

liza is a colleague and a friend, and i have blogged about her many times before. her mother-in-law, dirk's mother, died on monday evening. you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

i got this email from someone close to me* today. names have been changed to protect the innocent. and the guilty..

Thursday 28 July……

 My day has been pretty SHIT thanks.

T* woke up grumpy and nothing would go well for him. Eventually I got angry and shouted at him.

C* woke up miserable and cried/tantrumed and nothing would go well for her. Eventually I got angry and shouted at her.

A* was as good as gold as always, helped with the other 2 etc.

Then they went to the car so long, while I finished getting myself and the house ready to leave…….

Then A* CRASHED THE CAR INTO THE GARAGE!!!!!!

She is 7………

All she tried to do was turn the key so that the heater would go on to warm up the car while they wait…. My stupid instruction, but I thought she could handle it: she is The Responsible One.

Of course she turned the key too far – and started the car, which was in reverse gear, so it “jumped”, …into the garage wall and door.

It is/WAS a brand new – 3 month old Tucson, 6000km only. First time I’ve EVER had a new car. (why didn’t she crash all the previous old cars I had?)

And now it has a huge ding on the back!

And I keep imagining what could have happened if T* or C* had been standing behind the boot at the time – they would have been pinned (CSI-style) between the car and the wall!

As any good mother would do, I:

1. Thanked the Lord that no-one was hurt. (3 seconds)
2. Said to myself it was only an accident and she meant no harm, wasn’t being naughty. (2 seconds)
3. Let rip – into T* and C* for being so impossible the whole morning. Surely it was their fault? (7 minutes)
4. Cried (30 minutes)
5. Felt guilty for shouting – it is my fault after all (rest of the day/rest of my life)
6. Cried some more as shock kicked in/wore off/whatever
7. Phoned Husband*, went to assessor etc

 all of this was before 8am.

So, how was your morning???

well, here is some more misery:

our very good worker, isaac, has been trying to get an ID book for a very long time, without success. on monday he spent a small fortune to go to pretoria in a taxi, to see if he could sort anything out.

while he was there, he was mugged in the toilet. they stole all his money. he tried to phone my man for help, but he has a useless cellphone, and the battery went flat. so he had to WALK home. from pretoria to benoni. a distance that takes me almost an hour by car. on the highway. it took him 2 DAYS! 2 days with no food, water, money, shelter or any means of contacting anybody. the man tried to phone him a few times, and even his family did not know where he was.

*edited to add: someone asked me why he did not go to the police for help. in the past he was held for 2 days in cells for being an illegal immigrant. he is not, he is south african. when he was eventually released, he asked where his bicycle and cellphone were, that he had when he was detained. they claimed that they knew nothing. the police had stolen his phone and his bicycle. this is not his only bad experience with the police. so, he does not trust them, and will never go to them for help.*

this is a man who is gentle and shy and quiet and dependable. he cannot afford this, and certainly does not deserve it! my heart breaks!

on tuesday at around 6pm, the local supermarket where i pop in for groceries 2 or so times a week, and where almost everyone i know pops in regularly too, was robbed at gunpoint by 22 odd armed robbers. it seems that many shots were fired, and some were injured, and lots of cash was stolen.

i have been reading and hearing of a lot of people for who this was a very difficult week. people dying, people crying. people who's kids are causing them great heartache and worry. people who's finances and marriages are dangerously close to collapse.

and i realise how blessed i am, and how much i have to be grateful for...

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

without words...

here are some photos of what we are doing this weekend away in mpumalanga:

eduard:

marni:

 

tian:

eduard, sean and francois - 3 birthdays in one week:

 

love, jacki

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

becoming a teenager...

happy 13th birthday sean!

i don't know that much about when he was born, as i was not there. but i do know that he is a kind and gentle boy, and that my life is better for having known him for the last 6+ years.

on sunday he brought us breakfast in bed, and when i asked why, he told me that it was 'evil stepmother's day'.

thank you sean, for enriching my life. without you i would not be a stepmother, evil or otherwise. and my life would have been poorer for it.

you can read what i have blogged about him before here.

tonight we are going out to supper and a surprise. typical scrapbooker/blogger, i saw a photo-op earlier in the week. and tomorrow we are going away for the weekend. with my entire, extended family. who are all already there.

and i am taking tonight, friday, saturday and monday off. wow! i hope the economy survives.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

happy birthday!

today is francois' birthday.

23 years ago tonight, my son was born. he was such a cute baby, with LOTS of hair...

he was born at 22h30, weighed 4.01kg and was 53cm long. he was unplanned, but not unwelcome!

and this is what he looks like now:

he has become a beautiful young man.

i scrapped this quick and simple layout this week, with the photos taken of him at the photoshoot in may, by amelia.

i used treasures and colormates cardstock, pattern paper from paper explosion's wedding collection (south african), a little scrap of 7 gypsies paper, rub on alphas and ribbons from my stash, silver photocorners. and my 2 most trusty scrapbooking tools: my black pen and my stapler.

all along the border of the cardstock, i repeated morse code for i love you.

he is away with his grandparents, so i don't see him today.

happy birthday francois! i love you, and your father would have been proud of the man you have become.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

ma en pa...

i scrapped this layout this week:

the photos are of my mom and dad. i took them in november 2008, and i posted them on my blog here. the photos of this layout do not do it justice.

i found it rather difficult to fill the space on this layout, as i had challenged myself to not use any flowers. since i found this very difficult i have now proven that i can do this, i am not challenging myself like that again...

the inspiration came from celine navarro, you can see her layout here. the page on the right is a 90 degree flip of the page on the left.

i used treasures and colormates, jenni bowlin's ledger paper, 7 gypsies 'elgin' paper, and 7 gypsies rubons, heidi swapp ghost hearts and her awesome distressing tool, and words and alphas from wilpro. also 2 stickers from karen forster's anniversary range.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

photoshoot - my family

here is harrison ford my dad, jan:

and another of him:

my mom and dad:

my mom, lottie:

francois and my mom have always been very close:

francois up close:

mother and son:

mother and daughter:

i wanted the man and sean to be in the photographs too, but it was just after the man's surgery, and he could not drive, so he could not get to the shop. we will have other photos taken soon.

i posted these and other photos to amelia's blog too. and i posted more photos taken on that day on her blog here.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

marni

i scrapped!

after an extended absence, i have found my scrapbooking mojo.

it is too soon to tell if it was temporary, or if it is back to stay..

as you see, i used a transparent butterfly, and some gauzy flowers. and stitching. as always there is stitching. the pattern paper is basic grey, and the cardstock is treasures and colormates.

the photos are of marni, you can see one of them here.

i thought i had forgotten how to scrap.

now, if only my blogging mojo could come back...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapboook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

on buying a car, and letting go...

last saturday afternoon, exactly a week ago, when i closed the shop, i had a thought that i had not looked at buying a nissan for either myself or francois, or for both of us. we both need a car. i had looked at almost everything else, but not nissan. so i drove to the dealer, hoping to still catch them open. they were not.

so on monday francois and i went there, and we test drove some cars. we decided against the tiida for francois, because it was too expensive and a little too big.

on tuesday evening a different dealer stopped at my shop, and brought red tiida to show me. it is almost new, and in a good condition, with low mileage, for a good price. it was either a good deal, or too good to be true. so on wednesday i arranged for the car to go to the AA for a full test, which it passed with flying colours.

on thursday the man and francois, and my dad, saw the car. and they approved.

on friday the car was serviced, cleaned, fitted with a new windscreen, and insured. francois got the car late on friday.

phew! what a week! last saturday we were no closer to buying a car, and now it is all over, bar some administrative things.

the process this week went by in a whirlwind. i found it quite stressful, and the whole week i had a lump in the pit of my stomach. this morning, during a quiet minute, i reflected a little, gathered my thoughts...

...and there, deep inside, under the tension, and the relief of having it all done, fluttered a teeny butterfly. wondering what it was, i discovered, to my surprise, a little pride.

a pride in doing it myself.

look, i had a lot of help, input, and many, many opinions, from the man, francois, family and friends. but mainly, it was a project driven by me. arranged by me. organised by me. and looking back, i am quite proud that i pulled it off.

i also spent a few minutes wondering why buying a car seemed so difficult and stressful to me, when it seems to be so easy to others. and i realised that it is because most people finance their cars, and get used to a Rx per month car payment. when they buy a new car, they re-finance, and just continue with the monthly car payment. so same cost, new car.

for me, it is a new cost, and it is a lot of money for something that rapidly loses it's value. i have also had bad experiences with my jeep, that is a huge expense to maintain. i am a little scarred, and traumatised.

and also, there is an emotional reason. our current cars are our last big, visible, tangible link to ronnie. he chose and bought the 'old' cars. selling them, and driving different cars, will remove yet another daily reminder of him.

letting go turned out to be a little more emotional than i expected.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

boy, meet car...

here is francois' old car:

he was due for an upgrade.

and here is the first glimpse of francois' new car:

it is not completely new, just new for him:

 

it is a nissan tiida.

he is ready to drive it for the first time...

so shiny and clean...

oh, is this where the engine goes?

may you have many years of problem free motoring!

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop. benoni, gauteng, south africa

news on the pain...

just a quick update on the man's shoulder:

he is in a lot of pain. much more than last time. i'm not sure why. maybe it was a bigger procedure than last time? maybe because it was the second surgery in 2 weeks? the pain blocker that they inject also only lasted a few hours this time, instead of the 2.5 days of last time. and it is quite a bit colder than 2 weeks ago.

last night he really felt overwhelmed. for the first time. he was difficult and grumpy and whiny. he just could not get comfortable, and the pain killers did not help.

thanks for all your good wishes and support, both here and on facebook. i know things will be a little better every day.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

on mojo and a shoulder, and other things we are missing...

• my blogging mojo seems to have gone the way of my scrapbooking mojo. both gone.


• if you see either of them, capture them and return them, please? there will be a reward...


• and they will be punished. for going AWOL.


• the man went in for another operation on his shoulder today. to fix whatever came loose after the previous reconstruction. a re-reconstruction. he, quite literally, had a screw loose! let's hope there will be more success this time.


• and he has to stay overnight in the hospital. and i miss him while he is there!


• he has become rather handy with one arm, and is doing almost everything himself, with one hand, and his teeth.


• he has not driven in more than 2 weeks, and he is either home-bound, or i have to drive him where he wants to be. thankfully his mom is helping out with picking sean up from school and taking him home. that would have been our biggest crisis, otherwise.


• on mondays i have the day 'off'. that means running around like a crazy person, trying to get the entire week's errands/shopping/chores done. these last 2 mondays i had the man along, and we ran his errands too. yesterday we went to pick 'n pay (a supermarket/grocery store) for a few things. sean was with us by that time. and we spent ages there. browsing. can you believe it. browsing in a supermarket.


• normally grocery shopping is a chore, something i don't particularly enjoy. but as we were walking out, i thought about how fun that was, and how nice a day it had been. running errands. grocery shopping. together.


• when we came home, we made supper together. the man made chips (with one arm), i made steak, and sean made eggs. there were no vegetables in sight...


• and i realised again that the simple things can be so joyful, if you do them together. with the ones you love.


• on another note. i still have no new car. but today a salesman came to show me, and let me test-drive, the new kia soul. very new. it has not even been launched in south africa yet. 


• it is different. unusual. certainly not pretty. but the price is right. oh, the confusion...


• and my new laptop is out of order. i cannot believe it, i have had it for less than 2 months! it has also been in hospital for more than a week now. so tonight there is no man, and no computer. i'll just have to spend the evening with michael schofield and his friends..

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

us...

sometimes i have so much to blog about, and sometimes i can think of nothing to say. this seems to be one of those quiet weeks.

the man went for a shoulder operation tuesday before last. over the weekend he started to complain of more pain. on wednesday he managed to squeeze himself in for a early appointment to the doctor, and something inside the shoulder has come loose. so on tuesday he is getting operated on again. and the healing process is pushed back by 2 weeks...

the biggest problem with the shoulder is that the man cannot drive. so i have to take sean to school, and take the man everywhere.

this has added some strain to my days..

here is another photo from the photoshoot, of francois and myself.

*edited to add: are you a coldplay fan? you can download their album leftrightleftrightleft FOR FREE here. i did, and i'm listening right now...*

 jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

mom and dad

i just wanted to post this photo of my mom and dad, taken by amelia at saturday's photoshoot.

why?

'cause it makes me smile...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

photoshoot saturday...

they came to the shop on saturday. each in their appointed time. all groomed and painted and gorgeous. some alone, and some with reluctant family members.

they all spent their few minutes in front of amelia and rika's cameras. they smiled and posed, and their images were captured on many camera cards, to be saved on disks. this day, this look, this time frozen for ever...

ineke

cathy and aaron

you can see what cathy said about the photoshoot here.

prieur

dirk

christina

cheryl

rene

laetitia and wilhelm

of course, these people were there too:

these are just a fraction of the many gigs' worth of photos taken on the day. dontcha think i have beautiful clients?

thanks amelia, we had lots of fun!

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

making cards, and a facelift for typepad...

i have been making these mother's day cards, to sell in the shop.

i am on typepad's beta team, which means that we get to test all new typepad products before they get rolled out to the other users. and i can tell you that there is a major facelift on the way.

as with all changes, it takes some getting used to. since it is quite a dramatic change, it takes a while to find your way around. and, as with all changes, there will be complaints.

but, after the initial confusion, i must say that is looks good. i think the improvements make all the changes worth the initial inconvenience. i'm working in the 'new' version now, and it works well.

i need to blog about tim holtz and the convention, but i have had so many things going on at the same time.

my man had a shoulder operation on tuesday. he is doing well, but in some pain. and the worst is that he cannot drive! that makes life very difficult. but before we know it, it will be over...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

i heart technology!

i have been a bad blogger this week, there has just been so much going on.

my man had an operation on his shoulder yesterday, after it dislocated 6 times in about 8 months. 5 trips to the emergency room, and 3 times it had to be put back in it's socket in theatre under anesthetic. eventually the doctor agreed that it could not go on this way, so he did the surgery yesterday. and unexpectedly, the man had to stay in the hospital overnight.

i don't have time for a proper blog post, as he has let me know i can pick him up now.

i am sitting in my local mugg and bean, a coffee shop, having breakfast and coffee, and surfing the www on my laptop using my free wi-fi minutes. the internet is super fast, so i will keep it in mind for the end of the month, when i get capped. i am a mweb client, so i get 300 free wi-fi minutes per month.

i just love technology. and i'm sure these other people in the coffee shop think i'm this very powerful and important business woman. it's great!

by the way, while i typed this i noticed that certain words in my post are being underlined in red, and if i right-click on them, the spell checker suggests alternative spelling. thanks typepad, for making the spell-checker so much easier to use! just one thing, though. maybe you should include the word 'typepad' in your dictionary...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

today...

i thought i would do a link-post. because i know you hate surfing the web. or love it, and don't need any motivation to follow all these links.

i love following links. i love it when i really surf the web, wandering aimlessly, following links like little signposts, losing hours of my life and emerging a little disorientated and blinking against the light, to find the house in chaos and the family hungry. like alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole, and finding wonderland, with lots of crazy and interesting people.

maybe it's just me.

sometimes through a link or 2, you find these beautiful, inspiring and sometimes sad stories on the web. this one is worth a visit, and makes me appreciate my life.

i have linked to this before, but because mother's day is coming up, i will bring it up again. if you are in need of inspiration for the making of a card for your mum, watch this. and if you are a man, watch it too. and if you own a man, then it is for you. even if you just know a man, you should watch it. it's funny!

if you are a digital scrapper, or just collect digital scrapbooking goodies, like me, here is a gorgeous freebie. thanks summer!

i found this website, that gives you all sorts of design freebies. there are some gems.

i started wilna and kayla's 'bling out your blog' course yesterday. you can still join me, if you wish. it is for bloggers on typepad and on blogger. you will learn all about templates and gadgets and widgets and photo albums. i'm practicing on amelia's blog, and my just jacki blog, and of course on the one you are on now.

if you are interested in starting a typepad blog, email me, or leave a comment, and i will give you a 10% discount code. yeah!

my grandmother, Pauline Sophia Straatman, would have been 100 years old on 20 april 2009. to commemorate, my aunt wrote a piece about her. i saved it here.

 

sean had civvies day at school today. they could dress in anything, as long as it reflected the theme "wacky wednesday". he is wearing different shoes and socks, over his sweater he is wearing a scarf and his school tie, and half his hair is flat and the other half spiky.

of course, if he wanted to be really wacky, he could have combed his hair and worn matching clothes, but he chose not to be that different... :-)

i look at that child every day, but only when i opened those photos on my computer this morning, did i realise how tall he is getting.

it took me 3 days just to get this post out. so many distractions. whew!

now i can start working on the next one..

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

boys will be boys..

i have become quite a walking car encyclopedia.

i have learned a lot about cars in the past few weeks. i can hold a conversation, comparing cars and their specs, and their price versus value for money. i was chatting to a car dealer today, holding my own completely, and i even heard the words 'power versus weight ratio' coming out of my mouth! i was channeling that guy from top gear!...

...i think. i have never watched top gear.

seriously, i'm most guys fantasy. i can compare a tuscon with a sportage, and compare the prices of automatic versus manual. i know which are korean, and which are japanese, and which are american, and which are german. i know that which car is under warranty for how long, and i know which has the longest maintenance plan. i can debate about whether buying new is better than buying secondhand. i even know about fuel efficiency and carbon emissions and ENCAP safety ratings!

ugh! i hate that!

i know many guys who, the moment they drive their new car off the lot, start looking at what they would like to buy next. but i am one of those people who would drive a car for ever. i have no real desire to buy a new car. i find the whole thing quite stressful.

but i must. i have been spending more on my and francois' cars per year to fix them, than some people pay in installments.

so, i'm looking for a car. and talking to everyone about it.

the thing is that everyone has an opinion. a strong opinion. and everyone knows someone who is the best guy to buy a car from. and heaven forbid i do not follow his advice! i can see that there are many 'i told you so' s in my future...

 

as sean and i were leaving the shop today, we found this in the parking lot. of course, no 12.5 year old's life is complete if he has no photos of this amazing experience, to show his friends.

as he was posing (with my car keys in his hand, not the ferrari's) for photos next to the car, the owner came out. and he made sean's day week year.

 

he insisted that sean get in, in the driver's seat. sean, who is normally quite shy, was squealing in delight...

 

then the guy made him scoot over, and gave him a lift to the exit of the parking lot.

 

sean got out with shaky legs. and when we got in my dirty, old, uncool car, he said, in a tiny voice...

...'i think i'm going to pass out'...

by the way: it is a ferrari 612 Scaglietti.

it shares its naturally aspirated 5.7 L (5748 cc) V12 engine with the 575M Maranello. The Tipo F133E engine produces 397 kW (533 hp) at 7250 rpm and 588 N·m (433 ft·lbf) at 5250 rpm with a compression ratio of 11.2:1. The car is capable of 315 km/h (195 mph) and has a 100 km/h time of 4.3 seconds. It comes with two six speed transmission options: a conventional manual or the F1A semi-automatic paddle shift system, a much refined version of the F1 system in the 360.

just kidding. that info came from here and here. i have no idea what that means.

i think sean may just be excited to go to school tomorrow, for a change!

love, jacki

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

bulletpoints...

• this a feel good story, if ever there was one. rambler, i dare you to watch this without shedding a tear...


• i couldn't watch it without shedding a tear.


• i'm doing fine. very well in fact. the concerns i blogged about are gone! thanks for letting me plaster all my issues all over your computer screen. it helped.


• both francois' and my cars are giving lots of problems. so we are shopping for cars. i test-drove the getz for him and the tuscon for me today.


• i am ** years old, and i have never has a say in what i drive. this time i making the choice myself. and i find myself wishing someone else would make the choice for me. the pressure!


• if you are a font-a-holic, like me, you can find some free fonts here.


• you can get a free digital scrapbooking kit here. thanks kayla!


• my 9-year old nephew tian was bitten by a snake over the weekend. a brown one. he is fine, so apparently it is not a poisonous one. it seems the snake was not too happy with being caught...


• i have run out of night cream. i am aging visibly as the collagen biosphere levels in my dermis layer are dropping fast!


• i just heard that my uncle has 3 pregnant daughters! he has 4 grandkids now, but by the end of the year he will have 7!


• my 93 year old gran wants a cellphone. she wants to send smsses. wait until i tell her she can facebook from her phone. maybe she will want to twitter too.

look who i shared a shower with over the weekend!

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

it is that time of year...

i often say this blog is form of therapy. a place for processing my thoughts and emotions. well today's post is one of those. so please excuse me as i have a little emotional meltdown.

this week is ronnie week. it is that week that starts on the 14th april with what would have been ronnie's 46th birthday, had he not died. the week ends on the 19th april, the day of his death 7 years ago.

this is a difficult time for me every year. you would think it would get easier as time goes by, and it does too, but as always the days leading up to this week are intense.

now, to make matters worse this week, i also have to face my biggest fear. i have blogged about it before. we all go through life with that wonderful gift of denial, that conviction that 'it can't happen to me'. well it did. and when it did, i lost that conviction. it did happen to me. and now, i can never shake that fear that it can happen to me again. and i know how blindingly devastating and suffocatingly dark "it' can be.

in fact, i am not even going to go there...

this week the man is on the road again. on thursday he is flying down to cape town, and driving back up. he is bringing up a very ill family member to johannesburg. and you know that his being on the road for such a long period is very, very difficult for me, as you can read here.

so, i have to deal with both issues in one week. the re-living of the death of my husband ronnie, and my fear of something happening to my man. a double whammy. or maybe a big, final test? i hope so..

anyway, there is a reason why i'm telling you this. i have found in the past that putting it out here, on my blog, works for me. i need to yank it out of the dark, moist, fertile folds of my heart, where it can grow and fester and multiply, and expose it to the cold light of day, where it will wither and die. i need to expose it, i need to think and write and read and edit and process it out, so it has no more hold over me. somehow saying it out loud, putting it out here, and telling you about it, exposes the fear for the parasite it is, and helps me to conquer it.

and now that it is written here, i am going to pray over it. and ask you to pray for me too. and then i am going to lay it at the foot of HIS cross. and turn around, and walk away, and leave it there. and whenever those dark thoughts try to tell me how big the fear is, i can tell the fear how big my GOD is.

because i trust that GOD has a plan for my life, and even if that plan includes the worst, as it has in the past, HE will never let me walk that path alone, HE will carry me, as HE has always done.

as i write this, i feel the tears build up in me. but they are not the tears of sadness and defeat, they are the tears of relief, and the tears of cleansing.

it is not a coincidence that this week was preceded by easter. i was reminded this past weekend that for those of us who believe and call HIS name, HE has already overcome the darkness and everlasting death, so i may have everlasting life in HIM. the message of easter is that of overcoming. and i will carry that message forward in me this week.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

i started to write this post on sunday, and then left it in it's raw, emotional form. then i edited and worked on it today. and can tell you that i already feel better. the moment i wrote this down on sunday, it was out of me, and i felt victorious. the demons were exorcised.

in closing i want to say this: i did not write this because i need sympathy. also, remember that although this is on my mind, it is not the only thing going on in my life. i am fine. i am happy. i have dealt with this issue, and i am dealing with this issue. there is no reason to be worried or concerned about me. at all. i promise!

i often say this blog is form of therapy. a place for processing thoughts and emotions. well today's post is one of those. so thanks for excusing me as i had a little emotional meltdown...

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

my first layout...

a while ago, desire showed her first layouts on her blog. i thought i would blog about that too.

my sister-in-law, cornelia, started scrapping some years ago, and she kept nagging me to start too. so, on 12 april 2005, i joined her for a class taught by valinda, and did this:

all the photos are of ronnie. i refused to use patterned paper, as i thought it would be too busy. she helped me choose bazzill paper, and i thought it was weird that they would call blue paper 'basil', as i thought basil was green.

it was no coincidence that i started scrapbooking on 12 april, as it was the beginning of what i call 'ronnie week'. his birthday is 14 april, and he died 19 april, and that week is always very emotional for me. i thought it would be a good way to celebrate the memories of him.

i finished that layout of him that day, and i was totally hooked! so much so that i went to another shop the next morning, to attend another class, where i did this:

this layout shows photos of my son, francois, and was done on 13 april 2005.

the next one was this:

it also shows photos of ronnie, and was scrapped on 15 april...

initially, i dated my layouts, but then it became apparent that i wasn't doing much else, so i stopped that. (i didn't stop scrapping day and night, i just stopped dating the layout - less evidence...)

to all the scrapbookers reading this: i challenge you to also blog your first layouts, and to put a link to your post in the comments, so i can see it!

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

your father would have been proud, part 2...

i attended francois' graduation ceremony yesterday. he got

baccalaureus commercii cum honoribus (trade and development).

got it? me neither...

actually, it is B.Com (hons) Economics. which is kinda ironic, since he has a BA degree, that he got last year. this year he is studying his honors in international politics. and everybody asks the same question - the answer is no. politicians don't study politics. analysts, journalists and consultants do. politics is his true passion, the economics was just a little detour for background.

as always at occasions as this, ronnie is missed. he would have been so proud of his son.

your father would have been proud, part 1 here.

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

ready to go...

soduku, pencil, eraser - check.

phone on silent with facebook enabled - check.

camera with fresh batteries - check.

ok, i'm ready...

i'm going to francois' graduation ceremony at the university of johannesburg. he is getting his honors degree in economics. you can see my post of his graduation last year. and the layout i made with his and his father's graduation photos here.

those ceremonies are not particularly interesting, so i plan to do a lot of facebook surfing from my phone...

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

friday the 13th..

• i'm going to do the list making thing again today, as it has been a long week, and i'm tired, and i really don't have the energy to string a long series of random thoughts together coherently.


• i don't have coherent random thoughts. they are just random.


• thanks for your positive response to my post dear spar people. the events actually happened last week, and i wrote the post that same evening. then i saved it as a draft, and spent a few days wondering if it was postable. i don't want this blog to be a place of complaining and ranting.


• instead, i want this blog to be a place where i talk incessantly about myself, my issues, my feelings, my scrapbooking (or lack thereof), my achievements. you know, the inconsequential minutiae of my boring life.


• “People have often described me as a blogger. I generally shy away from the term because, to me, bloggers are boring, self obsessed narcissists who use their website mainly as a means to discuss the inconsequential minutiae of their day to day lives.” (Anonymous)


• check out this free digital scrapbooking kit. it is awesome! thanks summer!
  


• i noticed that i was nearing 1000 comments on my blog, and i wanted to have a RAK to celebrate. but before i could, i had already passed the mark. so i went to the comments folder to see who no 1000 was, and saw that i had 270 spam comments in my spam folder! and it automatically gets emptied every 30 days. 270 spam comments in 30 days! thanks typepad, for picking them out automatically.


• the 1000th commenter was toni, incidentally. the same one who surprised me earlier this week.


• i really love that i have got 1000 comments that are not spam. wow! thanks you guys!


• i made this list on stacy julian's blog.


• sean has been sick at home from school all week. i would tell you what he has, but i can't spell it. he will be fine, though.


• have any of you met clive yet? he used to be from benoni, he is really funny, and he has awesome shoes and a really famous shoulder. pop over and say hi, and don't forget to tell him i sent ya! and remember, you liked me first...


• this is really all i can think of today. so, i'm leaving to visit facebook, and make and print new gift vouchers for the shop.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

when?

when do you stop the tooth-in-the-shoe ritual?

when your 12.5 year old baby gets too old to believe in the tooth fairy?

(i photoshopped these teeth to remove the bloody bits - for you cheryl!)

when his shoe is longer than my hand?

when the dentist extracts 2 baby molars, and he takes the discomfort without a fuss? (i was so proud of him!)

 

or when he puts notes in his shoe, to negotiate rates with the tooth fairy?

 

the note says:

negotiation: 

tooth 1  R 5

tooth 2  R 5

         +  R10 because they were forcefully removed.

of the R20 he asked for, he got R16,85, because that's all the tooth fairy had available.

just for the record, he has not believed in the tooth fairy for years, but we still go through the ritual every time. he only has one more baby tooth left. and yes, the writing on the note is very untidy! but there were no spelling mistakes...

 

in november 2006, when he was 10.5 years old, he wrote this note:

dear tooth mouse

can you please go into my stomach and fetch a tooth that i swallowed.

thank you. sean

imagine. a tooth mouse in your stomach. needless to say, i do not have that tooth saved with the others. i think some sewer rat got it...

you can see my blog post about my oldest son, francois' tooth fairy story here.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

interior decorator...

a decorator came into the shop today. she did some re-arranging.

 

she felt that the butterflies needed to make a bigger impact.

 

she thought that they would make a striking statement if they were packed in rows on the floor, from the door.

 

she spent quite some time ensuring that the fung shui of the shop was right.

 

she has quite a talent!

 

you need her services too? her name is carli, and she is the daughter of my sister.

although, everytime people ask her, she says her name is 'liefie' (lovey).

she is right!

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

flashbacks...

the day was coming to an end....

almost everybody was gone, and the people who were left, were cleaning up, and washing the dishes. for the first time in that dreadful week, i was left alone, and i sat down with a sigh. it was the end of a long and emotionally draining day, and i relished a few minutes of quiet.

she came up to me. quietly. shyly. she was about 5 years old. very unsure of the correct protocol, yet aware that some polite thanks were socially expected, she stood before me. in a tiny voice, she said: um... aunty jacki, um... ah, um... thank you that your husband died...

her mother had taught her that it was polite to thank the hostess for the occasion, and to her, a funeral was just another occasion.

henk's death last week, and his funeral on saturday, brought back that, and many other memories.

what you know to expect after a death of a loved one, are the tears, the sadness, the condolences, the flowers, the support. but what i found, and did not expect, was so much laughter too! yet it makes sense. many people gather together to celebrate his life, and to say goodbye. and everyone has their own story, their own fond memory. and the need to share.

also unexpected, was the stress level. at least in my case. as ronnie's death was so sudden and unexpected and dramatic, we were all in shock. and the adrenalin levels were very high. as a result came hightened senses. and i heard everybody and remembered everything. so many little details. what was said, what happened, and what everything smelled of. that day, and lots of days afterward, i experienced in high definition, and the details are burned in my memory forever. and strangely enough, although it was a very sad time, as with henk's funeral, it was also happy and funny and special. a celebration of his life.

within hours of ronnie's accident, people started offering (almost insisting) calming tablets. and i refused. i was fine (under the circumstances). and i wanted to be present. i wanted to feel. and i have not regretted it, as it means that i have all these bittersweet memories, that sometimes come out and remind me of that time. (i did take sleeping tablets every night for almost a year after, and i had therapy once a week for a year, together with anti-depressants. i have nothing against drugs. i just didn't want to be fogged)

although the memories of that time are sad and difficult, it is good to revisit them every so often. it is part of the healing process. in time the pain begins to fade, and in it's place are the fond, happy memories.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPINTIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

henk amoraal

my friend henk who i blogged about here, passed away peacefully in his sleep this morning.

he was suffering from cancer.

 

he was 60 years old.

 

he leaves a huge hole in a large and close family. he will be missed!

he was the father of jomien, who you can see here, and at the end of this post. and the husband of my dear friend anne.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

new look...

twins? no, smoke and mirrors. well, no smoke. just mirrors...

i would love to have a secret twin, then i could do double the work in half the time... or spend double the money in half the time...

 

this is just to show you the new look. after 12/15 years of wearing contacts, i have switched to wearing glasses. i'm gradually getting used to them. and you can't really see, but my hair is longer in the front than in the back. it is so great - the best of both worlds...

i have been a bad blogger. i have just been so distracted. the worst is that i have nothing to show for all my time, it is just normal everyday stuff. you know?

also, i have been very sad for a very good friend of mine, who is slowly slipping away from this life. it is so awful to see the cruelness of cancer. and the tragedy of a family waiting... waiting for what they don't want to come. their lives are on hold, they are holding their breath, they are speaking in hushed tones, they are holding their tears. man, it is a difficult time. i have been editing photos of him, but from time to time i have to stop and move away, because the emotions become too huge, the sadness becomes overwhelming and the tears make it difficult to see.

and, as always when i am confronted with this kind of situation, i wish i had time to say goodbye almost 7 years ago, to my first husband ronnie. always there is a price to pay - a sudden death leaves loved ones behind in shock, with so many things that were left unsaid. a lingering goodbye usually means suffering and pain and memories of a loved one battered by a merciless disease. fortunately we do not get to choose. because that choice would be impossible.

my heart aches for my friend, because i know what lies ahead for her. i know what she is heading for. i know how empty her bed can be. i know how long her sundays can become. i know how lonely the hours can feel. i know how bland a cup of coffee can taste. i know how empty a house can seem. even with family and kids and friends and love and support, i know how huge and hungry the black hole of emptiness can get....

but. i also know how huge HIS mercy is. i know how comforting HIS love feels. i know how calming HIS presence becomes. i know what is is to 'walk through the valley of the shadow of death' (Ps 23:4), but i also know that 'the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus'. (Phil 4:7) (quotes from bible.com).

in our darkest hours, that is when we truly feel HIS presence.

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

16 things about me...

i saw these '16 things' lists on ali edwards' blog, and also at helen's. it looked like a fun way to string some random blabbering together. so, here goes:

1. i went over to amelia (my next door neighbor who you met in this post) last night. she wants to take her photography further, and i needed a victim sucker guinea pig to practice my photoshop class on, so i got in my car, and drove to her house - what? it was night and i live in the country, our properties are big and there is electric fencing in between. so i drive. the entire 150 meters - and after a cup of coffee we left her husband to watch WWE Raw in peace, and got to work.
   
2. i left there at about 01h45, got to bed at after 2, and then i couldn't fall asleep. my head was buzzing, full of ideas. 'what if i tried this, i should change that, i'm sure that will be a great idea'... when i eventually fell asleep, i was happily dreaming of teaching photoshop to large classes in fancy venues with powerpoint presentations running on audio visual thingy-ma-jiggies. and i was using a laser pointer. that has always been my dream, to use a laser-pointer. for something other than playing 'catch the dot' on the walls with my kids...
3. so, this morning, now that i can actually start working on those brilliant ideas, i'm exhausted. my eyes feel like they have sand in them, my head fells heavy, and instead of thinking of all those wonderful ideas, my battered brain cells can think of nothing but coffee... lots of coffee... thank goodness for spell-checkers, because you should have seen what the first draft of this post looked like!
   
4. anyway, the point of this blabbering is to tell you that i'm excited. and i'm thinking/planning/dreaming. and that my posts have points.
5. i have found a few sites about photography that i need to study further. you might not be interested, but i want to look at them lots more over the next few days, and i need a place to put the links so i can easily find them later. so here they are. you can follow the links if you like. or not. if you do, you might just bump into me wandering around in there... coffeeteaphotography, cliff mautner
6. and my favorite photography place to visit is pioneerwoman photography. read this post for an interesting idea.
7. you see? my posts have points. lots of them. they just don't always make sense. and they don't always gel well together. that is why this list thing is a great idea.
8. this post and this one and this one had me laughing out loud today. you might as well just read the whole blogs while you are there. and while you are surfing, go see what donna downey has done here. with fabric. after you are finished on my blog, of course. ...you cannot leave now... i'm still talking... hey, come back... how rude!...
9. oh yes. this list is supposed to be about me, and where i am now. i forgot.
10. i have a serious affliction. i lose hours a day. almost every day. time gone. forever. unproductive. it is called internet-itis. the symptoms are: facebook. blogs. photoshop sites. scrapbooking heavens. wilna. google reader. my own blog. email. photography gaze-in-awe-fests. time, and brain cells get sucked in and swallowed up by that big black cyber-hole. bad for productivity. but oh-so-much-fun!
11. i have five more points to fill. darn! and i have nothing intelectually stimulating to say. like that has stopped me before.
12. :-)
13. after wearing contact lenses for 12/15 years, i have just got glasses. today. and since the medical aid will not pay for glasses and contacts in the same 2 year cycle, i will have to wear them permanently. if i can got used to them.
14. my son francois has just gone to register for his second honors degree. he studied BA (Economics and Politics), and then did his honors in economics last year. for the cv. but international politics have always been his passion. and now he is going to study what he really enjoys. he plans to study for many more years. anything to avoid working for a living...
15. i have not done any paper scrapbooking since mid-november. that is the longest that i have not scrapped since i started. but i have been creating a little scrapping corner in the shop to work in. i will post about it soon.
16. liza is teaching this awesome project on saturday 31 january. booking is essential. in fact, book now to avoid the stampede. it is different. it is unique. it is great!

it's a tea tray! with glass in it! (hence the reflective glare and the difficulty getting the lighting right) and it fits a 12x12 single page layout. so you can change the layout if you wish, or you can keep it just the way it is. isn't that so cool?

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

here is a prezint...

a few days ago it was my sister paula's birthday, and two of her kids were visiting my mom. she brought them to my shop, and they spent some time making cards, amongst others for her.

 

on the inside tian wrote this:

it says: 'here is a present'. does a card really need to say anything more?

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

feedback on my word for 2008...

this year my word was 'grow'. i thought i would review it today, to see how i did. the italic words are direct quotes from the post i did about it on 2 january 2008.

remember, as 'grow' is a verb, i am grading the process, and not the end result.

i want to grow my creativity. i want to scrap more, and create more in other ways too.

i didn't scrap nearly as much as i should/could/wanted to. there always seems to be so much else to do, and so the scrapbooking  seems to take a back seat. so i give myself a D.

however, i did grow creatively in other ways. in blog writing and design, in photography, in photoshop and in digital scrapbooking. in those respects i grew a lot! the end results can still be improved, but in terms of the process, the learning curve, the growth, i give myself an A.

i need to grow in simplicity. i need to de-clutter my life even more. this will go a long way in decreasing some of the stress in my life. 

i did do some work here, but not nearly enough. i did put some actions in place, and i also learned to make some peace with projects that turned out to be very long-term. but here i give myself a C.

i wish to grow my inspiration. i will try to inspire others by sharing my passions, ideas and talents. i will also continue to seek out people who are positive, passionate and inspiring to me. 

not too bad. it is difficult to be inspiring if you are not feeling very inspired yourself, but i have started teaching workshops again, and i have done quite a few tutorials on my blog. i have found lots of inspiring people though, most of those in the blogosphere, where inspiration from the world's most talented is but a mouse-click away! so i give myself a B.

i have to to grow my shop. i need to get more customers, grow in turnover and in numbers of customers.

well, here i have failed. badly. but, it was not my fault... the declining world economy, and south africa's huge increase in food and fuel prices and very high interest rates has left very little extra money in my client's pockets. we are all feeling the pinch! so, an F here. *sigh!*

i will continue to grow spiritually. i know that GOD has a plan for my life, and for 2008, and i want to feel HIM at work in and through me.

this of course is a constant challenge. no matter how much i grow spiritually, it is never enough. maybe a C+?

i hope to grow the blog, both in the quality of the content, and in readership. i want to work on writing with the poetry and vulnerability of kelly rae roberts. i want to be as passionate as donna. i want to be as inspiring as wilna. i want to share ideas as freely as leah. i want to be as chatty as heidi. i want to be as disciplined as annette. and i want to be inspiring, and funny, and generous, as all the other blogs i visit regularly. and i hope more of my visitors will comment. hint, hint!

well, here i did well. this was my best subject, in a manner of speaking. i could probably look back and say that 2008 was the year of the blog, for me. once again, in the end result is always room for growth, but as far as the process goes, i give myself an A+

on 31 december 2007 i had had 579 total hits, and today (31 december 2008) i have had 19 182 total hits. so 18 603 hits in 2008. but if you consider that it took me to mid-march to get my first 1000 hits, i didn't do too badly from there on. from september 2007 to end february 2008 i had a total of 675 hits, and in march 2008 i had 667 hits. you can see the statistics and highlights of this blog here. and i am so thankful to all of you for this.

i strive to grow as a mother. i love francois and sean, and they need me to be the best mother i can be. they are the blessings in my life, and i need to show them this.

i love to grow as a supporting, happy, loving partner for mike, who is the most amazing man, and the best friend and supportive partner a girl could ever want, and who makes me happier than i ever thought possible.

these 2 are also the kind of things were one needs to work constantly on growth. unfortunately, as the economy worsened, i needed to put in longer hours in the shop. and my stress levels increased. the man also had a very demanding job that kept him going for long hours. these factors are not very conducive to family bliss. a C here. not too great!

i dream to grow as a friend.  there are so many wonderful people in my life, who are the sunbeams that brighten my days, the supports that help me carry the load, the fertilizer that help me grow. i need to love them more, to hug them tighter, to phone/sms them often, compliment them every time, and thank them constantly for their unwavering love.

once again, long working hours do not help in this respect. and between work and family/home life, there was way too little time for friendship. i am so appreciative of the friends who know and understand and forgive this, and who come to the shop to visit me. thanks! a C here too. maybe a C-.

i try to grow in positivity. in south africa today there is sooo much negativity! i will try to have and spread more hope, more love, more passion, more friendliness.

i did try. this was probably the most difficult year to be positive in, in south africa. we had a lot going against us. on the financial and political front there was a lot of drama and turmoil, and with electricity and telephone problems (my shop had been without a working telephone line for 11 months so far, and no end in sight), crime, uncertainty, a declining currency, and growing pessimism and huge emigration, it has been hard work. i started the year off low. now i'm better. or just numb. it is not great, but taking the tough times in consideration, i give myself a B-. 

did i do well? no. not at all. but it was a very difficult year. and i did have some growth. so, all in all i passed. i go on to 2009. i'm sure things can only get better...

did you have a word? what was it? how did you do? do you have a word for 2009 yet? tell me, i'd really love to know.

 

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa

ss Agamemnon and Captain Douwe Sparrius

i am bound to them,
though i cannot look into their eyes
or hear their voices.
i honor their history,
i cherish their lives,
i will tell their story.
unknown

Ss Agamemnon

On the morning of 8 November 1940, the steamship ss Agamemnon (1930 ton) carrying freight, was in a convoy, in Barrow Deep on the English East Coast, on the way from South End to Cardiff (another source says from Newcastle to South End). The Captain was Douwe Sparrius, my maternal grandmother’s father.

At about 13h55 a German bomber dropped 2 bombs on the front deck of the ship, and one bomb fell next to the ship. The front of the ship began sinking immediately, and thick smoke rose from the engineroom. The engine was stopped and the crew tried, under leadership of C Mentink, to lower the lifeboats who were always ready to be launched. But as the front of the ship was listing too much, this was no longer possible. Within approximately 3 to 5 minutes the whole ship had sunk.

The crew had jumped in the water, and held on as far as possible to planks from the wreckage and one lifeboat that had come loose. After about 45 minutes the crew was picked up by the British destroyer HMS Cattistock, but my great-grandfather, Captain Douwe Sparrius, who had not been wearing a lifevest, probably drowned due to exhaustion. He and the English radiographer C Hubbuck were never seen again. The body of the British Cannoner Sgt Kenneth Thorpe was found. That same evening the crew was dropped back at South End. Three crew members were hospitalized.

this telegram was to inform the family of Sgt Kenneth Thorpe of his death.

Sources: various internet sites. www.google.com

francois has always been fascinated with history, and so all those family stories have always meant a lot to him. after he had heard the story about the ship and his great-great grandfather, he googled it, and found some info, including a photo of the ship. isn't the internet awesome!

 

jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa