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today sean went from this:
to this:
via this:
and is it my imagination, or is there fluff on that upper lip?
of course, the whole evening it was rather painful. but it will get better, and soon his cute little face will look completely different.
ps. ugh. my blog is acting funny. so i cannot do a final check of this post. i will look tomorrow, and if something is wrong, i will fix it.
i was reading this post by allie a little while ago, about the guy who was eaten by the shark. she said 'Apparently his wife saw him being shaken around by the shark. Unthinkable trauma. It is unreal to think that life for the rest of us just goes on, but in a second, her life has changed forever.' and that suddenly made me remember something that happened to me. a bittersweet experience.
on the night after ronnie died, i had a dream. well, actually i think it was more like a vision, but whatever. i don't know about you, but i dream in pictures. almost like a movie. i was dreaming that i was lying on hundreds of hands. lying. not sitting or standing. lying. and these hundreds of hands were lifting me up. lifting me up to the light and warmth of GOD.
the implication of this dream was very powerful. i was lying on all those hands. those hands symbolized everybody who loved me, knew me, or even had just heard of me or of ronnie or francois. or just heard of the plane crash. the hands that lifted me up to GOD were all the many, many prayers, of the many, many people, who were lifting me up to HIS light. HIS warmth. His strength.
at that moment i knew that no matter how difficult things were, below me was the prayerful support of many people, and above me was HIS comfort. and i knew that i would be ok.
ps. all these years i have been looking for someone who could paint/draw a picture of that for me. not big, A4 or smaller. just to place somewhere as a visual reminder of that feeling of comfort. if you can, please tell me?
i'm feeling a little blah at the moment, so creating a blog-post from scratch seems a little daunting today. so before i let ages pass without posting again, i thought it was meme time...
i got this one from wenchy's blog.
Opening…
Do you get regular massages? no. i would love to. but i just cannot justify the expense.
Do you have an answering machine? yes. but i hate it.
What cuss word do you use the most? i don't cuss. i'm a f.*u.c*k.ing lady..
Are you underweight or overweight? over. way over. way, way over. *sigh*
Can you see your veins? yes. my skin is so light, it is see-through in places. my veins are blue, so i must be royalty.
Favourite…
Soap? any. not fussy. as long as it smells fresh, it is fine.
Fruit? watermelon. berries.
Kind of red meat? beef and pork. i'm not fond of mutton. unless it's curry.
Fish? any. i love fish. but i seldom cook it myself.
Candy bar? lindt dark chocolate... *drool*
Have You Ever…
Eaten a whole bag of chips? what? me? never! *crosses fingers behind back*
Eaten lobster? yes. yum.
Climbed a mountain? yes. and once i fell and tore the ligaments in my ankle just when i got to the top during a hike. and had to WALK for kilometers and hours like that, crying and swearing, to get back down. ugh!
Been skydiving? no. not sure i would want to.
Been water skiing? no. been on the boat a couple of times, though.
Do You…
Wish you could change something about your life? yes. of course. a lot!
Like salt and vinegar chips? no.
Eat salsa? yes.
Own a boat? no.
What Is…
A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences? admin. especially bookkeeping and taxes.
Your most macho trait? i can use tools.
The longest relationship you’ve ever had? parents.
Your most embarrassing thoughts? what? i only have pure thoughts.
Your most shameful moment? that would be telling...
This/That…
Bath/Shower? shower. don't like a bath at all.
Markers/ Crayons? crayons.i have to choose?
Pens/ Pencils? pens. i think. what kind of questions are these?
Jelly/ Cream Cheese? jelly. cream cheese reminds me of diets. blegh!
Bagel/ Toast? toast. with butter. and syrup.
Finish…
My greatest weakness is…
I wish I was… thinner. richer. funnier.
Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are… i would do anything for a million dollars. well, almost anything...
The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is… a mopani worm.
Firsts…
Credit card you had? standard bank.
Loan you got was for? to buy our first house.
Paycheck was for how much? cannot remember. i do remember
when ronnie earned R800pm. and when his boss asked him how much he
would like to earn, he said, seriously reaching, R2000pm! *gasp!* those
were the days....
Time you had stitches? probably when my tonsils were removed. first external stitches were for c-section.
Time you went to the hospital for something? tonsils.
Lasts…
List everything you ate in the last 24 hours? are you kidding? i have to list EVERYTHING?
Last thing you used a credit card for? don't have a credit card. debit card. probably pick 'n pay.
What was your job previous to the one you have now? stay-at-home mom.
Last thing you celebrated? new year. christmas.
Last time you were at a sports bar? cannot remember. i am not really a 'bar' kinda person. or a sports kinda person.
i don't really do new-year's resolutions, i prefer to do a word for the year. last year i just could not get one, but in 2008 my word was 'grow'. the word thing was inspired by ali.
my word for 2010 is 'overcome'. or rather the afrikaans word 'oorwin' that literally means 'overwin'. i like the positivity of the 'win' part, that inspires visions of me standing on a winner's podium...
there are lots of loose ends in my life, that trip me up. unfinished tasks that drain my energy. many of the stemming from my 'previous life'. i am often angry at ronnie for leaving me with so much unfinished, unorganised, unarranged. yet i am not doing so much better myself. and often i wake up in the night and lie awake and stress about the undone. it drains my energy, and fills me with fear.
a few months ago, in july 2009, i decided to give myself a year to fix, finish, finalise. and i did manage to do a lot. amongst others, sorting out car papers and license documents, and selling the old cars and buying newer ones, were part of that. and this year i want to do more. instead of having to tackle a huge project, i decided to break them up into smaller tasks. and to try and set myself a 'task of the week'. some tasks take more than one week, and some are quick and easy, and take only a few minutes. doing it this way, made me feel more in control, and less overwhelmed.
part of the visualisation of the word, is this:
i like the fact that there are mountains, and they look pretty daunting, and big. but on the other side is a valley of peace.
so: i want to overcome the physical 'mountains' in my life. i am not going to list them all here, but i do have a list of specifics. most of them are administrative and organisational.
but also: i want to overcome other things too. overcome some bad habits. procrastinating. paralysing myself with fear. doubting myself.
overcome fear: fear of failure. fear of success. fear of not having enough.
i hope look forward to coming back to this post at the end of 2010, and reflect on just how much i have overcome. overwon.
do you have a word for 2010? what is it? did you blog it? tell me, i love to know!
love, jacki
let me see.... birthday? no. nothing. christmas? nah. new year? no. boring...
oh yes! *brightens...* car!
after 4 months of waiting, nissan still didn't have stock of the car i wanted. but a friend knew of someone who was emigrating, who had one to sell! yaaay!
i really love my car, even though it is white...
and it is a 2l, where i was waiting for a 1.6l. it was about 18 months old, and had very low km's.
unfortunately it also already has been damaged in a bumper-bashing in december. the damage is about R20 000. but i am insured, so it will be fixed soon...
and i love it, love it, love it! and it was a lot less stressful and emotional than when i bought francois' car.
and francois passed his BA Politics (Hons) with honours! he wanted to move to cape town to do his masters degree at UCT, but nothing seemed to fall into place as far as the arrangements are concerned. so he is going back to UJ this year. and he is getting a few bursaries and incentives. he is disappointed because he was looking forward to living in cape town, but i'm sure that he is making the right choice.
as my reasons for not blogging? that will have to wait for another post.
and thank you for your lovely comments on my previous post. i did nt realise that you missed me so much. :-)
love, jacki
sean started high school yesterday. of course, when your mother is a blogger and a scrapbooker, you have to pose for photos. to capture the moment...
the poor thing. he was soooo nervous! he could not even smile.
not even his dad's silly jokes could cheer him up!
but, 2 days into this new adventure, and he is fine!
love, jacki
ps: i will do a 'i'm-sorry-for-not-blogging' catch-up post soon. i have lots to tell...
