last week was the anniversary of my cousin's and my grandfather's deaths.
on 31 august 2002, 6 years ago, my cousin michael had a heart attack at age 35, and died in his home, leaving his wife and 3 kids, the youngest was only 6 weeks old! he died on his mother's birthday. i think i would never want to celebrate my birthday again...
on 28 august 2001, 7 years ago, my grandfather died. he was well on his way to his 91st birthday. many years before, some months after my grandmother had died, he had gone to holland to visit friends and to travel. there he met with a woman who, along with her husband, had been friends with my grandparents when they were young. there is even a photograph of the two couples together. both she and my grandfather had lost their partners. they fell in love, and got married. she was 57 and he was 75. their marriage lasted 18 years, 2 years longer than mine, and i was 19 when i got married.
after their marriage, they lived in holland for 6 months every year, in her house, driving her car, celebrating her birthday, and seeing her children. and the other 6 months of each year they lived here, living in his house, driving his car, celebrating his birthday and seeing his children. year-round summer. an ideal situation...
after his 90th birthday, they left for holland again, but while they were there, he got ill. they flew back, and he spent some weeks here, weak but lucid, until he died peacefully in his own bed, his wife by his side.
my mom phoned me to tell me he had died. she told me he was in his bed, and peaceful, and that i could come to see him. i went to fetch francois (who was 15 at the time) from school, and went to his house. i told francois to wait in the lounge, but he followed me to the room.
when i saw my grandfather lying there, less than an hour after his death, i could immediately see that it was no longer him. i could see that it was just his earthly vessel, and that his body in the bed was just that, his body. that that was 'him' was no longer there.
for as long as i can remember, i was terrified of finding a dead body. i had a phobia about it. i had nightmares about it. if we walked somewhere in the bush, i would have that fear in the back of my mind, much like people who are afraid of snakes feel. so, seeing my grandfather there, was very good for me. it showed me that a dead body was nothing to fear.
it was also GOD's way of preparing me for what was to come. 6 months later, my husband ronnie died in an aeroplane crash. my experience with my grandfather, made dealing with some of the aspects of ronnie's death easier. ronnie had died in a horrible crash, and the aeroplane had burned. what was left of his body was burned and mutilated. they had to use dental records to identify him and his 2 colleagues/friends who were in the plane with him.
we know that ronnie and his 2 friends died upon impact. the slamming of the plane on the ground was what killed them instantly. what happened after, did not happen to him. it happened to his earthly vessel. he was no longer there. that what made him him, did not feel the pain.
and in the days after, when his body lay in the mortuary, i never felt that 'he' was there. one often hears of people who say that their loved ones are cold, or uncomfortable, or unhappy. but i never felt that. i knew that 'he' was no longer there. my grandfather had shown me that in his death.
GOD works in wonderful ways. HE uses so many things to teach us for the future. things happen to us, that sometimes years later mean something. we may not see the significance now, we may not ever. but, out of today's happenings may come tomorrow's comfort. the hardship of now may be the preparation for the future.
my grandfather meant a lot to me in his life. he taught me so much. and even in his death, he taught me something that would probably be the most important lesson for me ever.
and to prove that every winter is always followed by spring...
jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa