the man smokes. and although he is generally a very kind, caring and considerate person in almost every aspect of life, he is rather a selfish smoker.
he smokes in the car. i don't care what he does in his car, but he smokes in my car too, and when the car stands closed in the sun for a few hours, the smoke smell gives me a headache. we have to eat in smoking sections of restaurants. i am an adult, and make an informed choice, but when 11-year old sean goes along, i have to agree to go to mike's kitchen, the man's favourite but not really mine, because the smoking area is well ventilated, and sean spends almost all the time in the kid's play area anyway. he refuses to go to the movies, because he can't smoke, and he hates going out to supper with family or friends, because then we have to sit in the non-smoking section. he also smokes in our bed at night.
sunday morning, he got up earlier because he had to work on the electric fencing of our property, he was doing some maintenance and upgrading. he left me in bed to lie in. when he was gone, i smelt the stink coming from all the stubs in the ashtray.
for a moment i was annoyed. but then i remembered, that if heaven forbid something were to happen to him, and i were to be lying alone in the bed, crying the heartbroken primal sobs that tear painfully from the core of my being, it is the smells that i would miss the most. i know this from experience. you don't miss the title, or the posistion, or the car, or the salary (ok, maybe you do miss the car and the salary), but while you sob your heart out, you know that you would give anything, everything, just to smell the smoke again. just to smell the scent of him again. i would put up with all the smoke, just to have him here again.
so, while i would be very happy if he were to give up smoking, i snuggled down under the duvet, and smiled while i snoozed contentedly, because i knew that that stink of the ashtray was a reminder that he was still very much around, and that is all i need.
i am writing this from the hospital, where the man is in for a few tests. he is back in the ward, and awake, and feeling fine. we are waiting to hear from the doctor. and he cannot stop moaning, because he cannot go out for a smoke. he is stuck in bed because of the drip.
edited to add: the man wasn't in hospital as such, he was just in for a few hours for tests. he is back at work, and will see the doctor next week.
edited to add: the doctor says he has ulcerative colitis, an inflammation of the intestine. we are thankful to GOD that it is a treatable condition, and not something more serious.
jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbooking shop, benoni, south africa
