{scraps of jacki's life}

Going to the chapel...

Dear family and friends

I wanted a country wedding. I wanted to get married in a rough and simple ‘klipkerkie’ on a farm, and have a late Tuscan lunch outside at long tables under trees, with family and friends. I wanted buckets of flowers and rice instead of confetti. I wanted matching rings and a flowy dress and flowers in my hair. I wanted to be thinner. I wanted a donkey cart and lots of flower girls.

Every time I started to plan it, I realized that I didn’t have enough time, money and energy to arrange it all, so I kept postponing it. And before I knew it, it was 9 years later…

In the last few months, both Mike and I have been feeling God’s calling to do more of His work. And we have been feeling prompted by Him, to live a life of obedience. We were starting to feel an urgency to get ‘hitched’.

Recently, sick loved ones made me stop focusing on what I cannot have, and see what I DO have - a wonderful, kind, good, loving man, right beside me. After 9 years I know this: he makes me happy. He completes me. I want to be his wife.

And so we decided that we would no longer wait. I would stop worrying about a dress; we would get married in something I already had. I would not waste more time looking for the perfect rings and music and flowers. There would be no stress over whom to invite. No donkey-cart and no honeymoon. I would stand in the local chapel, in front of God and our immediate family, and say YES to marry my best friend.

So here I am. No frills. No fuss. Just love. And commitment. Just US!

Thank you for your support.

Love, Jacki Hayter (finally!)

PS. Dad Ron: I am sorry we didn’t make it in time for you to be here. We miss you. But we know you are here in spirit. And in our hearts.

Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God

 

The English language has 2 small words, which have to convey so much meaning. The little words ‘Thank You’ are almost inadequate to convey the gratitude we feel towards the following people:

Our family: You have watched each of us get married before, and you were there to pick up the pieces when life became difficult. Thank you for all you have meant to us, and all the support you give us. Thank you for being here on a winter’s morning, at such short notice, for our happy day. To my parents, Jan and Lotty, thanks for letting us share your wedding anniversary. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Trevor Hudson: I know I am the first bride ever, and will probably always be the only one, who arranged the entire wedding service with you via Twitter. Thank you for being available at such short notice, and thank you for your ongoing guidance.

Hayley Malherbe: My dear friend, who took time off from her work to take the photos. Thank you for everything, and thank you especially for making me believe that a stripped-down, low-budget, short-notice wedding can also be special.

Thank you so much!

Mike and Jacki

3 July 2012

Social media for churches (or any religious group)

Should my church or group have a social media presence?

Social Media is for celebrities and large companies and the youth, right? Wrong! Small local companies and organisations with a limited, local market, can find social media a very powerful tool in their marketing strategy. Even a church can reach its congregation and community very well, by using Facebook and Twitter effectively.

Social media is cheap, easy to use, informal, immediate and social. Perfect for your church!

It may be more practical to have more than one social media profile for your church community. Different departments may have their own pages, with their own focus. You could have a ‘general’ page, a community outreach page, and a youth page. The idea is that each page has its own identity, while at all times being obviously part of the church's stable. Finding your church's 'Main' page should be easy from everywhere. All pages should be linked to each other. It is advisable to have the name and logo of the church displayed prominently on each page, and to have at least one person who acts as admin person across all pages, to ensure brand consistency and continuity.

Incorporate all your church's web presences into one vibrant, informal and informative digital footprint. Your website, blog, Facebook and Twitter should all point to each other, and work together. Get a bigger and constantly growing congregation and community buy-in and participation.

To make your church’s social media strategy most effective, decide in advance exactly who your target audience is. Knowing them, and keeping them in mind at all times while posting, is vitally important. Who do you want to engage? What are the goals of the page? What content do you want to share?

Some of the more obvious target audiences for your church page are the following:

• Current active members of the congregation – youth and adults
• Current members of the church, who do not attend services regularly
• People in the surrounding area, who are potential new members, or who may sometimes attend a special service, course or event
• People who do not live close by, who still want to feel a part of your church community
• Non-Christians, people who are unsure, or people who are inactive in their faith

Current, active members of the congregation

These are the people who attend services and events regularly. They know who you are, and are most likely to ‘Like’ your page. They are the easiest and most supportive and active audience to reach, but it is also often a case of ‘preaching to the converted’.

Posts aimed at this group may include:

Information and reminders of upcoming services and events – general info, what times and places, what to expect, don’t forget, etc. A big advantage of these posts, is that members who have not attended services for a while will still be in the loop, members will be able to ‘share’ these posts on their own profiles and so reach a far wider audience, and people who check their feed regularly can be reminded of the event on the day

Feedback and photos of events that happened recently – this gives the member good opportunity to see photos, post comments, tag friends, ask questions, relive the experience, and give feedback. It is best to update the pages with photos and feedback on Facebook from every church event, within minutes. Preferably as it happens. This helps to create a greater sense of community. Tagging people in photos will place the photo and the related post on their wall, thereby potentially reaching a far wider audience. It is here where having a regular blog, that does ‘community’ and ‘around the campus’ type posts, will also be useful. Make sure you update the Facebook page regularly with links to these posts. The point is to show photos and tell stories from events and projects by and around your church - sometimes a short update is not enough. The intention is to get each department to do their own 'Press releases'. When people work hard, or have fun, or donate time and money, the results will be visible to all on the blog. All should be linked to the Facebook pages.

This audience group is important, because they will ‘Like’ and comment on your posts, create a buzz, and will be most likely to ‘Share’ your posts, thus creating visibility and community. They influence their friends. Some people influence hundreds of friends, many of whom don’t know about your church and may not even be Christians. This will raise awareness of your church and its activities and outreaches.

Current members of the church, who do not attend regularly

Getting someone to ‘Like’ a church page, is very important. Unless you really annoy that person, it is rather unlikely that they will un-‘like’ the page again anytime soon. This means that you can reach them, even if they are not attending services regularly. You are keeping a connection that you would not have had otherwise. This is a person who is loyal to your church, but does not see your notices on the screen, or get them at the door. When he sees regular reminders and feedback in his feed, that feeling of ‘missing out’ may encourage him to come back.

People in the area, who are potential new members, or who may sometimes attend a special service

These are the people who may live in the areas surrounding your church, who may or may not attend regular services at another church. They may be family or friends of a regular member, of may have been a happy member in the past. They may love your church, but they are not members or regulars. This is a very valuable audience to reach – your next active member may come from here! It is important that you portray your church as warm, welcoming, active and friendly.

People who do not live close by, who still want to feel a part of a church community

This will probably not be your primary target audience, but you may be reaching them ‘accidentally’. This group may still be loyal and interested, and may ‘Like’ and comment on your posts. If your church has podcasts and videos of sermons, and blog posts or articles on relevant topics, discussions and forums, this may be what this group is after. Make sure you post links to this kind of content often. You could also post links to content generated by people outside of your church, such as other minsters and speakers that you admire. Also, you could post bible verses or inspiring quotations, to keep this group interested. Bear in mind that it is this kind of content that is most likely to be shared by your fans, to a wider audience.

Non-Christians, people who are unsure, or people who are inactive in their faith

A very important function of your church’s social media presence may be what I like to call e-Evangelism. Your church should decide in advance if their social media focus will be on this, or not. Some of these audience members may feel intimidated by overly Christian content. Others may ‘Like’ your page for precisely that reason. For some people, your Facebook page may be their first interaction with your church, so it should always be welcoming, inclusive and community-friendly. But you are a church after all, and should be proud of it. Keep a good balance.

Finally

It is important to get your social media presence to grow. Make sure there are links to your social media from your website. Put links on your presentations, newsletters, course materials, service notices and on the bottom of your emails. Keep the content and updates relevant, interesting, ‘share’-able and fun. Build conversation. Ask questions. Create discussions. Post photos. Engage. Reach your congregation, your community, and sometimes even reach beyond a Christian audience. And don’t be afraid to experiment. Social media content has a short shelf-life. So if you try something and it didn’t work, you can try something else.

Love, Jacki

An (almost) untold story

I was about 12-ish. I standard 5, I think. An early teen. Young. Innocent.

We were on holiday in Rome - our whole family. We were staying in a hotel. We had breakfast downstairs that morning. I think there was some kind of display in the lobby. Easter eggs, or something. My family was spending some time walking through it.

I went back upstairs to the room. I don't remember why. I went alone. As I walked down the passage, a young, attractive Italian guy called me over in broken English. He was standing at the door of some kind of service room. He called me inside. I followed him.

Once inside, he pressed me up against the wall, and started to kiss me. This was my first intimate kiss. He kissed me passionately. I was about 12-ish. An early teen. Young. Innocent. At that moment, I thought it was romance. Fairytale stuff. A dream come true. He was attractive, and he kept telling me I was beautiful. I was enjoying it.

I was flattered. Excited. Confused. Scared. Beautiful. Overwhelmed. Powerful. Powerless.

It felt as if I was in a vortex. The world, at it's edges, had stood still. But on the inside - in my head, in my heart, in my body, there was a rush of colours, sounds, thoughts, feelings. I don't know how much time passed. It felt like hours, weeks. In reality it was probably only a few seconds. It was a rush of emotions. And arousal.

When he stopped kissing me, the spell broke.

He was still murmuring about how beautiful I was. He bent down to feel my breasts, thighs and between my legs. It was then that my mind started working again. I pushed him away. I saw an open elevator, a service lift. I jumped in it, and I banged the buttons. As the doors closed, I looked at him standing there. He didn't try to stop me. He looked rejected. He asked me when I was coming back.

On the ground floor, the lift opened in the kitchen. I ran towards the closest door. All the kitchen staff turned and stared at me. The doors led outside. I ran around the side of the hotel, and back in the main doors, into the lobby. I went into the lobby toilets, slammed the door, closed the toilet cover and sat on it with my legs pulled up. I knew that he hadn't come after me, but I only felt safe when I thought he wouldn't find me. Where nobody could find me.

Only then did I breathe again. I shivered and shook. I don't know if I cried, but it is possible. I sat there for a while, until I had regained outward composure.

I didn't tell anybody for more than 15 years. Nobody.

Today, as an adult, as a parent, I know so many things. I know that I was the victim, and that he was doing something terrible to me. I know that I had no reason to feel guilty, but that the guilt stemmed from the fact that I was enamoured, flattered. And aroused. I know that the young me was caught by surprise, unprepared for my reactions and feelings. I was about 12-ish. An early teen. Young. Innocent. I know that my parents would have been supportive. I fact, my mother is probably hurt and sad that I never told her. I know that I didn't tell anyone, because I was so confused and overwhelmed myself.

And I know it could have been worse. So much worse.

Well, there you have it. An untold story. Well almost. I have told a handful of people in my life. It has affected me on many levels, it still does today. The fact that I can recall so much small detail, while I cannot remember much else from that trip, shows that it made a deep impression on me. It awakened feelings in me at a very young age, when I was not emotionally ready to handle them. But I am fine. I have dealt with it. I have grown.

I am deeply aware that there are many people who have gone through serious abuse, rape, incest. Some over very long periods of time, and by people who they knew, and should be able to trust. I cannot imagine their pain, shame, fear and trauma. My incident pales in comparison. If my relatively benign experience affected me the way it did, how much deeper would their wounds be?

If that is your untold story, please consider telling someone?

Imperfect poem..

In the dark early morning hours

my mind, like an overladen ship,

wanders off course

and visits unscheduled ports -

Doubt, Worry, Sadness, Hurt, Anger

and takes on dangerous cargo

that makes it list and roll,

in danger of capsizing.

 

I have to hand over the rudder,

let my Captain take control,

for He knows my ship's true course.

He will steer me to the safest routes,

guide me through the cruellest storm

and lead me to the clear blue water.

Really, Pick n Pay?

I received this email over the weekend, from Pick n Pay. It was a Valentines Day promo:

 

Really, Pick n Pay?

Gifts for HER: flowers (R99,95), DVDs (from R49,99) body care products gift pack (R64,99) and assorted chocolates.

Gifts for HIM: iPad2 (from R4999), PSP (R1199), Blackberry Curve (R1599) and assorted chocolates.

Is it because men deserve more? Or because we women are happy with less? Or just a silly little oversight?

Look, I know no animals and children were harmed in the making of this advert. So really, I am not making a big issue. But it is perpetuating the gender steroetypes. And that is sad. 

C'mon Pick n Pay. You can do better!

 

Jacki Janse van Rensburg

 

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away, in a country at the southern tip of Africa...

The room is huge. It is noisy. It is filled with lots of people. They are all a-twitter: debating, arguing, and sharing information, all in short bursts.  They are following each other.  The decor is sparse. The rules are simple.

Many guests are scoffing at the social in the much bigger room next door. In that blue room, people are liking each other’s Faces and harvesting virtual crops. There, they say, the news is old, the conversations are mundane, and the guests complain every time the decor changes. In our room, they say, people are more real. More interesting. More fun.

In the corner of the room, is a radio booth. On duty tonight are @DJFreshSA, @Anele, @F1sasha and @GarethCliff.  A huge crowd is gathered around them, repeating everything they say. On the other end of the room is another radio booth. There @MarkPilgrimZA, @BaileySchneider, @PabiMoloi and @samcowen are chatting. @WhackheadS pops up occasionally, nobody has told him his mike is off.

The southern part of the room is the busiest. There they all stand in the shadow of a huge table. There is a lot of alcohol, and some whisps of smoke.  @SamWilson1 is partying, @Tertia is working on her laptop, and @MvelaseP, @helenzille and @ianollis are talking politics. But not with each other. @dorothyblack is talking about sex. @ettiennebeneke is surfing. @SquidSquirt and @kambabe are talking to each other.

In the tech zone, @shapshak, @AkiAnastasiou, @paulscott56, @walterpike,  @art2gee and @simondingle are comparing gadgets, codes and websites. Nobody understands a word that they are saying, but everybody nods, intrigued.

Wait, who is that, on the couch in the centre of the room? Why, it’s @NonhleThema. She is shouting about how many millions she has for dayzzzz. She is telling her fanz to SIT DOWN. BOOM. Many people in the room are pretending not to notice her, but they are hanging on her every word.

Near the beer fridge and the big screen TV, are @KevinMcCullum, @RunningGolfer and @6000. Actually, there is a huge crowd of sports fans. Today, they are watching #RWC. They are reporting every move on the field. And they are repeating everybody else’s reports of every move. Also near the TV is a group of people complaining loudly about the sports watchers. Later, when #SAIdol is on, the sports watchers will, in turn, start to complain about the TV watchers.     

There is a group of people complaining loudly to anybody listening about the bad service they are getting. A small group of brave company representatives are trying to pacify them. @WOOLWORTHS_SA, @Vodacom and @TheGautrain are trying hard to keep everybody happy. @MichaelJordaan and @Rbjacobs are doing a better job.

@CrownePlazaJHB is hosting all the cool parties. On chilly days @MelanieMinnaar hands out #TBD blankets. @News24 and @ewnupdates keep interrupting with the news, brought to you by @MandyWiener and @StephenGrootes. @phillipdewet is ducking rocks at a protest.

@simonwillo is travelling. @IvoVegter is disagreeing with everyone. @Sentletse is debating with everyone. @gussilber and @khayadlanga are being philosophical, and everybody is repeating their philosophies. @JJ_UFS is writing letters to his children. Wait! It is @SA_Trivia time...

In the interactive zone, @dan_vh,  @clivesimpkins, @staceysuperr, @angelo2711 and  @RayRott are chatting amongst themselves. @KeenyKeenz is chatting about bicyles and white people. @tumimalatsi  is being noisy. @sdiedericks is checking in on 4square!!!!!! @alambchop, @norwin, @TanyaKovarsky, @Nicki_Dadic, @MingBean, @samcholes, @ExMi, @acidicice and @Taniar2 are talking about their kids, @BronyW and @HayleyM_ are talking about their dogs and @TheJoLurie is talking about her cat.

@Jane_Anne62  is reading the news, the more bizarre, the better. @HansHaupt is working on his thesis. @comradesipho is writing articles. @mikestopforth is arranging a @27dinner. @DazMSmith, @blackburnmike, @cazpi and @Jenty are discussing photography.

@al_ice  #ChaseYouAroundTheKitchenTableDiveForYouGrabYourAnkleNibbleOnItAsYouTryToGetAway! Smile on this Toosday! @spillly and @BarryTuck are telling dirty jokes. @FionaSnyckers, @brodiegal, @MeyerDeon, @JoanDeLaHaye and @laurenbeukes are talking about books.

Do you spot someone in the crowd that i missed? Please feel free to tell me in the comments.

Disclaimer: All the characters in this story are ficticious. If any description reminds you of someone, you are clearly as mad as i am. The contents of this publication reflect the opinion of the author only. This publication is for informational purposes only. Opinions expressed should not be construed as medical advice. The particulars of any person's concerns and circumstances should be discussed with a qualified health care practitioner prior to making any decision which may affect the health and welfare of that individual or anyone under his or her care.

what does this button do?

oh! look what i found under layers of dust and cobwebs? a blog with my name on it!

 

please excuse me as i oil my keyboard...

 

love, jax

Why i do this blogging thing...

I have always been a writer. No, not an author, as in someone who has written a book, but a writer, as in someone who writes.

As a teenager I was a prolific letter writer, and people said that I should write books. When I was 19 and unmarried, and discovered that I was pregnant – with that wonderful boy, Francois - I put pen to paper, and dealt with my feelings of confusion and fear by writing. When my husband Ronnie died one awful April morning in a plane crash and left me behind, shattered, heartbroken, and in the depths of despair, I was pouring out my feelings on paper within days, and continued to do so for a whole year.

So, I have always been a writer. But I have only recently discovered blogging. Initially it felt uncomfortable. It was a chore, a commitment I wasn’t sure I could keep. I was, and still am, painfully aware that there are people who read this. Writing about life, and feelings, and fears, is like putting your heart outside your body, where people could step on it. You open little windows to your soul, and let people peep into them. You make yourself vulnerable. And yet, almost perversely, you want people to read this.

You need people to see. You hope people will understand you a little better. You need to share shards of your soul, some beautiful, colourful, and some cracked and scratched and ugly.

I have always been a writer. I need to think ‘out loud’, in writing, where I can re-phrase, re-read, edit, and really think about what I’m feeling, and why. Putting it in words helps to crystallize, to clarify, to process. Part of my growth process is to write it down.

It is commonly advised by experts, that a good way of dealing with deep seated issues, fears, anger, or sadness, is to write it all out on paper. Then that paper is burned, and the feelings are released into the atmosphere, as symbolised by the smoke. Being a modern and environmentally aware girl, I use this blog to process my thoughts. Once it is all written, I release those feelings into the blogosphere by pressing the 'publish' button. It really does have the same effect for me.

But, if it means anything to you, if you agree or disagree, if I make you think, if I make you smile, if I touch a chord, then please, please leave a comment. You can comment by clicking on the word ‘comment’ below each blog entry, and a block will appear for you to write in. It only takes a minute, but it means so much to me.

If you don’t, it feels as if I’m shouting in the wind, and nobody hears me…

Learning to trust God – a journey...

For the first time in years i did not choose a word for this year. Not for lack of thinking about it, i pondered for weeks. It is just that nothing felt right.

Of course, the fact that my life is just drifting a little at the moment may have something to do with it. Not necessarily drifting in a bad way, sometimes we need to drift a little after having been pulled by the currents of life, just to spend some time resting. recovering. reflecting. Sometimes drifting is learning to trust the river.

But before i drift off too far, back to the topic.

For the last 2 years or more, i have been experiencing huge anxiety. The kind that causes sleepless nights and heart palpitations and sore necks and shoulders. The kind that needs medication. The kind that causes me to question God. And i have been trying to change things. Last year my word was ‘overcome’, which was all about my attempts to conquer those issues that cause me the anxiety.

And changing things is good. Of course. And it has helped. A little. I could write an entire blogpost about what i have changed, the biggest thing is of course the fact that i closed my shop. But that is not what this post is about.

“She was beginning to understand that there was a big difference between danger and fear.”

For a few months now, something inside me has been telling me that although dealing with the physical issues in my life is necessary, i also need to challenge my thinking about it. God has been whispering in my heart for months now. Mike has been echoing that message to me for a long time too. But since the beginning of this year, this message has been coming to me from all directions.

“She had no choice. Either she believed in God, in her Guardian Angel, or she despaired.”

On the first Sunday of 2011, in church, it seemed as though the word ‘Trust’ kept jumping out at me. Everywhere i found it, in the hymns, in the reading. And so, then and there, during the service, i pledged to learn to trust God this year.

Francois’ friend Emily read a book called Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety (10 Simple Solutions) by Kelly G. Wilson, Troy Dufrene , and she and i briefly discussed it. It is about dealing with anxiety: "the ACT approach offered in this book is not about constantly arguing against your anxiety-provoking thoughts to defeat anxiety once and for all, but instead it's about how to cope with your anxiety and how to continue to live a full and satisfied life, even *while* feeling anxiety. The point of this book is not to eliminate anxiety altogether, but to stop anxiety from limiting your possibilities in life" (Emily's words).

On my beloved BlackBerry, i found a Bible app {youversion} that also offers Bible study plans. Of the many i could choose from, i thought i would start with a 14 day plan called ‘Should life hurt this bad?’ Earlier this week, Mike asked me how the plan was going, and i replied that unfortunately the answer was “Yes. Life should hurt this bad”.

“The night is just a part of the day,’ he would say. The night is just a part of the day. Therefore she could feel as safe in the dark as she did in the light. It was the dark that had made her invoke that protective presence. She must trust it. And that trust was called Faith. No one could ever understand Faith, but Faith was what she was experiencing now, an inexplicable immersion in blackest night. It only existed because she believed in it“.

You see, i HAVE had bad times before. I have had WORSE times before. And i did find the answers during that time. And the answers this time have remained the same. There is nothing new in that study plan. But i needed to be reminded.

“She had faith. And faith wouldn’t allow the forest to be peopled again with scorpions and snakes. Faith would keep her Guardian Angel awake and watching”.

So, my word for 2011 is TRUST.

“I learned about the Dark Night, she said to the now silent forest. I learned that the search for God is a Dark Night, that Faith is a Dark Night. And that is hardly a surprise really, because for us each day is a dark night. None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, and yet we still go forwards. Because we trust. Because we have Faith. Or, who knows, perhaps because we just don’t see the mystery contained in the next second. Not that it mattered. What mattered was knowing that she had understood. That every moment in life is an act of faith. That you could choose to fill it with snakes and scorpions or with a strong protecting force. That Faith cannot be explained. It was simply a Dark Night. All she had to do was to accept it or not”.

All the italics are passages from the book ‘Brida’, by Paulo Coelho.

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Stefan Diedericks, who is completely unaware of how often God has used him these last few months, and especially one rainy day over juice in Eastgate. God has used his voice, his tweets, his annoying positivity and constant cheer, and his wisdom gained from personal experience, to encourage me, and to shine His light over the rocky path that is this journey.

I have also been reminded that shining God’s light into the lives of others does not mean admonishing, preaching or judging. It entails saying out loud what God whispers into our hearts, because we do not know who needs to hear it. And it does not mean living a life devoid of sin, it entails living a life filled with Gods joy and light, because we do not know who needs to see it.

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Book review: The girl who couldn't say no - the memoir of a teenage mom

"There are people who think they have the whole 'tragic teenage pregnancy' thing figured out. they don't. they don't know squat, in fact, unless they've been there themselves."

Tracy Engelbrecht was a good South African girl. a normal girl. no difficult childhood. no broken home. no addicted parents. just a normal girl from a normal home. who fell pregnant at 14.

this book is her frank account of how she fell pregnant, how she told her family, friends and school, how she decided to keep her son, and how she is coped with motherhood, homework and dating. 

it is also a story about how she grew up.  

so many aspects of the story were close to home for me, i myself was 19 and unmarried when i fell pregnant. i married the guy, and my son is now 24. many issues in Tracy's story were so similar to mine.

this book was easy to read, and has a delightful balance between humour and depth. it had me laughing and nodding, and wiping the odd tear. it is written in an informal, chatty style, that is charming and amusing, and it feels like she is telling you the story over a cream soda float.

i would recommend this story for teenagers and their moms, as an easy-to-read illustration of consequences. it clearly shows that while some choices have a very high price, nothing that happens to us is so bad that we cannot deal with it with love, humour and hard work. and that sometimes, when we look back, the worst thing that ever happens to us, can be the best thing that ever happened to us.

in her words: "it is not a cautionary tale of a Good Girl Gone Bad or even of a Bad Girl Made Good... it's just a little story of changes and adjustment, of love and destiny. it is just my story. that should be good enough, I reckon."

but this book is also enjoyable and universal enough for a even wider readership. it is a lovely book. read it!

 you can buy your copy of The girl who couldn't say no' here.

you can read more about Tracy's life on her blog here.

you can follow Tracy on twitter here, and you can follow me on twitter here. 

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happy 2011

i was just fiddling about in photoshop. and if you see this in your facebook feed, it is an animation, not a typo!

frustratingly, i cannot get this animation to work in the post, like my 'love, jacki' blinkie does below. i don't know why. but if you click on the image, it will open in browser, and work there.

for a lot of reasons that i am not going to blog about now, 2010 has been a very difficult year for me. here is to a fresh start - and a very happy 2011!

Thoughts on having an eBook reader - Amazon Kindle 3.0.2 with Wi-Fi and 3G

When I was thinking about buying an e-book reader, I searched online for opinions of others about the topic. And I found no shortage of reviews on specific readers. But they were all technical reviews, on the specs and the size, and how the e-ink works, and having a backlight versus no backlight. All very useful. So I am not going to write in depth on that topic. If you need more technical info on the Kindle, see here.

This is about the question that I did not find the answers to: why would I want an e-book reader? Would it be difficult to read on? How does the book get on there? What do I do once I have one?

I have to start by saying that I have quite an emotional relationship with books. Books are never just inanimate objects; they are more just the sum of their parts. Books are my friends. Books are more than just words on paper, I see them, feel the paper, smell the ink. Having books close by me, displayed in my bookshelf or piled on my bedside table, is part of the experience – the anticipation of the unread ones, and the soft voices in the lingering memories of the finished ones – I read with all my senses.

I was, and still am, very concerned that reading books on an e-book reader will be fundamentally different. And generally, every booklover I have spoken to has voiced the same concerns. I have come to the conclusion that it is probably a compromise.

The e-book reader will never take the place of books completely, but it is a good supplement. It is lighter and smaller than a book, and fits nicely in my handbag. That also makes it more practical and accessible than a book. It can contain a huge number of e-books and e-magazines and e-newspapers. It is more practical to carry around than a book. Just recently I spent the 12 minutes it takes to get from Sandton to the East Rand in the Gautrain, reading. And the few minutes I wait in the car at my son’s school are also spent with my nose in my, er, Kindle.

But I am also often a spontaneous reader. I buy a paperback at my supermarket with my groceries. I blow my budget with an impulse buy when browsing through a bookshop. I buy books from second-hand bookshops. And I borrow books from friends; I get it from her along with her vocal, on-the-spot review. So I don’t think I will ever give up on paper books either. The Kindle will supplement my books.

Buying a Kindle, and buying eBooks

Buying Kindle is simple. You go to www.amazon.com and look around there, and if you are ready you just click to follow the instructions. From the moment of purchase to having it in my hands was one week.

Once you have it, you go back to Amazon’s website, and follow the prompts to register your Kindle and linking it to your credit card, and from then on buying a book is incredibly easy. From the moment of purchase till it is on your Kindle is a matter of seconds. You can buy directly from your Kindle, or from your computer. I find browsing their shop easier from my computer, simply because it is easier to navigate. The book you purchase is sent to your Kindle via Wi-Fi as first option, and if none is available, 3G. (More on 3G later)

I got the Kindle without a cover, and since I will be carrying it around in my handbag, I found a cover very necessary. They are almost impossible to find here, so when you are ordering your Kindle, you may consider ordering one of the many cover, pouch or skin options they have available, at the same time.

Another brilliant feature is the ability to buy a sample book. Any book available to buy, gives you the option of getting a sample book first – the first few chapters of the book are sent to your Kindle free of charge. When you have finished reading those you can buy the rest of the book with a click from your Kindle. I love this option, as I am not always sure if I want the book, without browsing it first. I recently bought a wrong book accidentally, and I wrote an email to Amazon support from the website. Within minutes I received a reply, and within a day or so the amount was reversed on my credit card. No fuss.

It is also instant gratification. Once my account was set up at Amazon and linked to my Kindle and credit card, I had instant access to any book I could think of. Many of the classics from Shakespeare to Sherlock Holmes are very cheap or free. Other books that would require a search in bookshops are at my fingertips. Bestsellers are available even before the bookshops launch them, and at a better price. So, if it is a specific book I am looking for, I can have it on my Kindle within minutes. While thinking about buying, you can browse the range of books here. 

Reading on the Kindle

Reading on the Kindle is surprisingly easy. There is no screen glare. Ever. Under any conditions. As difficult as it is to imagine before you have tried it, it really does read just like a book. Except that it is lighter, and easier to hold. Once I got the hang of turning the pages by pressing a button, it was easy to forget that it was not a paper book. You can set the font size from rather small with more lines per page, to rather large with fewer lines per page. One thing I love is the built-in dictionary (there are 2); when you move the cursor to the beginning of a word, it will bring up the definition of it, and you can click if you need even more info. You can also highlight and save quotes and clippings, for later referral. The screen is black-on-white. This is easy to read, but might be a little detrimental if the book you are reading has a large number of photos. Especially if you are going to be using your Kindle for reading magazines, it may be a drawback. But for ordinary novels, it is perfect.

Because it is not backlit, it is easy to read in any light conditions, and it is easier on the eyes, but it does mean you need a light when it is dark. The absence of a backlight also make the battery last longer.

Having a Kindle in South Africa

This was a big concern to me. Most reviews I had read, were about owning a Kindle in USA, and I was worried about spending all that money, and then it didn't work here.

first: if you have any concerns about Amazon not shipping to SA, you can read what Simon Dingle says about that here.

Having a Kindle here is really not very different to having a Kindle in USA. Once you have your account set up, it works very much the same. Many of the books available for free in the Kindle books store on Amazon to users in USA, are available to international readers for $2. South African online bookshops like kalahari.net and exclus1ves are moving into the e-book market, and are adding titles to their ranges all the time. The books available from these sites are very well priced. Kalahari is now also offering Huisgenoot and You in eMagazine format, with other titles to be added soon. 

Other features

Some of the other features offered with the Kindle are a PDF reader, the ability to play your music files (experimental) and a text-to-speech feature. Although you can download and listen to audio books, the text-to-speech feature means your Kindle can read all your books to you, even the ones that are not audio books. You can choose between a male and female voice, and reading speeds. The voice is rather electronic and monotonous, and the accent is annoyingly American, but the feature has its uses.

The browser is 3G, and it is free. It does not use a simcard. This makes it possible for you to buy books anywhere, anytime. It does browse the internet, and is bookmarked with Twitter, Facebook, Wikipedia and more. The browser is very clumsy and slow, and browsing is not very comfortable. It was never meant to be a tablet computer, and browsing on my phone is faster and easier.

All in all, I am thrilled with my Kindle. I love the convenience and the portability. It is a great tool for any book worm, and a great gift.

Specs:

• Available from Amazon.com here

• Weight: 8.7 ounces - 232.46609 grams (lighter than any book)

• Reading area: 6” – 15.24cm diagonal

• Thickness: 0.335” – 8.51mm

• Cost: $189 without shipping costs

• Holds up to 3 500 books

• Battery life is about 1 month if Wi-Fi is switched off

 Do you have a Kindle? Or another eBook reader? Do you like it? Where do you buy your eBooks? What is your favourite book that you have read on it? 

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zie ginds komt de stoomboot uit Spanje weer aan...

In Holland, the Christmas tradition is a little different. There they celebrate Sinterklaas, traditionally on the 5^th of December.  And true to the nature of the Dutch, they celebrate it in style!

The name ‘Sinterklaas’ comes from ‘Sint Nicholas’. He has the same basis as Santa Claus. He was the patron saint of children and sailors. Sinterklaas arrives by steamboat from Spain, and rides with his horse over the rooftops, to deliver gifts through the chimney. He wears red bishop's robes. He has a black helper called ‘Zwarte Piet’ (Black Peter). This helper has Moorish origins.

Traditionally, in the days leading up to the Sinterklaas evening, you place your shoe in front of the fireplace. Of course, it used to be clogs, but today any shoe will do. You also leave carrots or hay, and water for the horse. The next morning, when you wake up, Sinterklaas has left small gifts. He has a book with the names of all the children, so he knows who was naughty, and who was good. The good children get sweets, the naughty ones get ‘de roe’ – a spanking with the broom used to sweep the chimney.

On the day of the Sinterklaas celebration, children welcome Sinterklaas by singing songs, and then ‘Zwarte Piet’ throws hands full of ‘peper noten’, a small spicy biscuit, into the room. He brings with him a big bag of gifts. Often, these gifts come with humorous poems and riddles, often teasing the receiver. It is uncanny how well Sinterklaas knows all the family members.. ;-)

There are many traditional eats around this celebration. As mentioned before, there are ‘peper noten’, a little hard biscuit. You get a chocolate letter, the first letter of your name. ‘Spekulaas’, another traditional Dutch biscuit, is also eaten.

I have never experienced a Sinterklaas celebration in Holland, but I am told that it is incredible. Apparently, a steam boat does really arrive, and Sinterklaas is seen to disembark. To many Dutch people, Sinterklaas is a bigger event than Christmas. Everybody decorates their houses and streets and shops.

Growing up in South Africa, with Dutch parents, we continued the tradition. Firstly because it is part of our Dutch heritage, but also because my religious parents preferred to keep the ‘gifting’ and commercial and silly aspects away from the spiritual nature of the Christ celebration.

Now that we are adults, we still celebrate Sinterklaas as a family together. Although we all have South African partners, and South African kids, we still get together in late November/early December, and celebrate. Although it has become our family tradition, it is also practical – in December some of our families go on holiday, or spend Christmas with their in-laws. This way we get to have our family celebration, and the freedom to go away.

Although traditional Sinterklaas foods and music and decorations are difficult to get here, there is a large Dutch bakery in Edenvale that we get lots of goodies from. For the rest we improvise, or do without.

This year Sinterklaas is being held tomorrow (Friday 3 December), and it is at my house. I wonder what he will bring me? I have been really good this year... 

you can read more about the Sinterklaas celebrations here and here.

all images used here, were found here.

 

The launch of the latest book from South African writer Deon Meyer, ‘Spoor’

He caught my eye as I glanced around. He stood out from the crowd. It could have been because he looked familiar, and that I was expecting him to be there. He was what this evening was about, after all. But there was something about him. A quiet confidence, a man who has grown used to being the centre of attention. Not an ego. An aura.

I was at the launch of Deon Meyer's new book, 'Spoor'. He is one of my favourite South African authors.

After being served wine or water, we were called to order, and he sat down with Etienne Bloemhof, Deon’s publisher and friend. They each had a microphone, and they were chatting casually. With a practised ease, Etienne asked questions, and Deon answered. A lot of it was probably scripted, and done before. It was after all the second time that week they were doing this; they had done a launch for ‘Spoor’ a few days earlier in Bloemfontein. Yet it did not feel contrived, it felt like a lovely chat between friends about the book, and the writing process.

They chatted about the 18 months it took to write ‘Spoor’, the fact that it is his thickest book yet, and about the characters in it. Deon described how he misses his characters when a book is done, and how he actually worries about them. 

After about an hour they were finished, and I didn’t want them to stop! I could have listened to them chat for longer, and judging by the fact that most of the visitors to the launch were listening quietly, they felt that way too. After a short Q & A session, the crowd formed a queue at the tills and in front of Deon, to buy the book and have it signed. During this time a dish of delicious Bobotie was served, and a chocolate covered chilli for dessert.

It was such a treat to meet Deon Meyer. I have been a fan of his writing since I read ‘Blood Safari’ (my review here), and I am looking forward to reading ‘Spoor’, in Afrikaans, as soon as I am finished with his excellent book ‘Thirteen Hours’ on my Kindle. He came across as a nice guy who does not take himself too seriously. A friend, Rina, who also attended the event, said “he came across very warm, humble and friendly. Very, very charming too - a real heartthrob in our books”. He took the time to chat to everybody, and answered questions. He signed piles of books, and remained friendly and personal about it.

Thanks to Human & Rousseau and Exclusive Books Brooklyn Mall, for arranging such a great event, and for doing it all in Afrikaans! I left the event an even bigger fan than before!

 

have you ever been to a booklaunch? do you have a book signed by the author? which author would you love to meet?

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you are unique. just like everybody else...

Many of you know that i am closing my scrapbooking shop, after 4.5 years in the shop, and a good 5.5 years in the industry. This post is not about my feelings around this – i am not yet able to express those. I will blog about that when i am ready. But this post is related to that, and you will see why.

When i was younger, i used to love spending some time in shopping malls. Especially the malls that were not in my area. Every holiday saw some rainy days spent in a centre, browsing. I loved discovering little gift shops, and craft shops, and art shops. Small boutiques, where the owner was the sales assistant, and who could judge your size at a glance. Unique little coffee shops that each had their own speciality, and left you craving their incredible Bienenstich or homemade vegetable lasagne for months after you left the city. Hardware stores where the owner would spend time explaining to blonde housewives how to fix those pesky irritations themselves, which their accountant husbands could not. Bookshops that smelled of books and coffee, that had a cat in the corner and an owner who had read many of the books on the shelves. Shops where the owners were behind the counter every day, who knew their products and their customers, and who would go the extra mile to get you the item you need. Shops where you would walk out with so much more than just the product you came in for.

That is the kind of shop i had.

Unfortunately, these days the malls and shopping centres are owned by big investment companies. Nobody knows their landlords, because the landlord is an admin executive at a huge firm, who manages more than one mega-mall. And the rentals in these huge centres have become unaffordable for almost any tiny shop. As a result, the large franchises are the only ones who can afford those rents. And so we have come to a time where you can walk through Riverside Mall in Nelspruit and Cresta Centre in Randburg, or East Rand Mall in Boksburg and Shelly Centre near Margate, and the only difference is the arrangement of the shops. Because the actual shops are all the same: Woolworths, Edgars, Mugg and Bean, CNA, Mr Price. And the sales assistants know nothing about the products they sell, and they stand around bored and unmotivated, because they don’t care if there are enough sales to cover the rent. There is no more passion and inspiration, and service and personal attention. Originality and personality is frowned upon, so those once-off gems are gone. And forget about speaking to the owner, he is in some admin office somewhere, often even in another province.

Make no mistake; i have nothing against those malls and mega-retailers. I see that there is a place for them, and i know that they have become the norm because the recipe works. But it saddens me that those little owner-managed shops are finding it harder to survive. The ones that are left are often tucked away off the beaten tracks, in little shopping areas where the rent is cheaper.

My plea is that we support those little one-person businesses. Because they really, really do need your support. If you come out of the mall, and blink against the natural light, and find those little shops gone, you will be sad and you will miss them. But did you support them when they were still there?

When i close the doors of my shop forever in a few days time, i am not only closing the doors of a place where you can buy paper. You can buy that at many hardware stores and supermarkets and even flea markets, often for cheaper. I am closing the door to inspiration, and information about the crafts we love. I am closing the classes and the demonstrations and the community. And when you go to the large stationery retailer, and find a product you do not know how to use, the bored shop-assistant will not be able to help you. And then you will realise that our little shops did have some value. That cheaper can be good, but it comes without personal attention. That original and unique and handmade and once-off are gone.

Maybe forever.

do you agree? do you go to the mall every weekend, or are you always looking for a little shoppe to visit? let me know in the comments.

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Book Reviews

This is a list of the book reviews i have written, and the links to them. It is easier when it is all in one place.

On reading and reviewing - Women24's book club

My thoughts on having an eReader - Kindle 3.0.2 with Wi-Fi and 3G

I blogged about attending the launch of Deon Meyer's book 'Spoor' here

The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger - blogpost

 

 

 

 

 Blood Safari, Deon Meyer- Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

 

The Other Side of the Story, Marian Keyes - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

I, Alex Cross, James Patterson - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

Swimsuit, James Patterson - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

Stealing the Marbles, EJ Knapp - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

Killerbyte, Cat Connor - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 

   The Facebook Effect, David Kirkpatrick - Women24's book club

 

 

 

 13 Hours, Deon Meyer - Women24's book club

 The girl who couldn't say no - a memoir of a teenage mom, Tracy Engelbrecht - blog

 

if you are a fellow reader, you can find me at goodreads.com

 

on reading, and writing book reviews..

This post was written for women24's book club, and was published here on 13 August 2010.

My Dutch grandmother says I read 'prul boeken'. this means that instead of reading 'good' books, books of value, books that have meaning; I read empty, meaningless, cheap novels churned out by commercial writers who produce a book a year, all written by a formula. The literary versions of rom-coms. You know: pulp fiction.

She is right.

I read to escape. For a few hours at least, I want to be somewhere else. Living someone else's life. It has to read quick and easy, and if the story is forgettable it is also ok, because then I can get better value for my R100 by reading it again in a year or two. I have always jokingly said that if it has a fact in the first chapter, then I am put off. And if there is no murder in the first chapter, I am also disappointed.

I don't normally read chick-lit. There are a few exceptions, but generally I choose thrillers, who-dunnits and legal dramas - my favourite writers are James Patterson, Jonathan Kellerman, John Grisham and even Dan Brown. I read very fast, I can finish an average paperback in a day if you leave me alone, so I prefer it if I don't have to think.

But this year I decided to read a little wider. Try new authors. Different genres.

And so in this spirit of inclusiveness, I read 'The Time Traveler's Wife' - a book a friend lent me. And I loved it! For weeks after, the story stayed with me.

It was during these weeks, that Sam Wilson, editor at women24 and twitter-friend, tweeted that book24 was looking for someone to do a book review for them. Without delay, I set about writing a review for 'The Time Traveler's Wife', and within an hour it was ready to send off to woman24. A few days later I got an email from Tammy, the book24 editor, saying that they already had a review for that book, but was I interested in doing a monthly review?

And so it came that I write a review every month. And that means I have to read a book every month. And it has to be a reviewable book.

This has been a wonderful challenge. Suddenly I have to think about what I read, and I have to think about the story while I’m reading it. I am reading more critically. I am asking other people who have read the book their opinions. Instead of just consuming, I’m chewing. And in the process i have discovered wonderful new writers.

I look forward to further literary growth. To many happy hours spent reading.

What do you read?

Tears of rage...

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh! I am so angry, I could just..... just.... burst into tears!

A while ago, on twitter, someone mentioned that she was close to angry tears. Within minutes she had lots and lots of replies. It seems there are many women who can relate to that, including me. All of us agreed that when we get angry, or frustrated, we cry.

Crying is as much an expression of human emotions as laughter, we were designed to cry. But society has decided that laughing is much more acceptable than crying, especially in public. In fact, even violence, although frowned upon, is more acceptable than crying!

We all have situations where we get very angry, or very frustrated. Some people, like my husband, want to lash out, and fight. Much to my dismay and embarrassment, I start to cry. No matter how hard I try, I cannot help it! I am an emotional person, and keeping my feelings bottled up has never been my strong point. I cry when I’m happy. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when I’m angry. I cry in movies. In fact, when people run in slow motion across the beach in a cigarette advert, I cry. I once cried at a Toyota truck launch...

Of course, generally speaking, releasing emotions is a better way of dealing them. I have heard that tears are a way of flushing all that adrenalin. I know that I feel instant relief of the emotional tension that has been building up inside, after a good cry. So crying is a lot healthier than suppressing, and a lot more civilised than getting involved in a fistfight. But that is all well and good, when it happens in the privacy of my shower, or in my pillow.

The problem is when the angry tears happen in front of others. I want to come across as assertive, confident, justified. Instead I look silly, girly, pathetic. Just when I need to appear formidable, the tears come, and I lose all appearance of being capable and in control. Feeling humiliated by the unwelcome tears just makes matters worse. And of course, it doesn’t help that my mascara then runs in black streaks down my reddening cheeks, instantly multiplying the cringe factor!

The problem with angry tears is that they often achieve nothing. When, as the crier, I feel humiliated and powerless, I will often back down, thus ‘losing’. If the person I am angry at feels manipulated or blackmailed, nothing positive can come from the situation. Crying can be experienced as passive-aggressive behaviour or emotional blackmail.

Do you cry angry tears? How does that make you feel? And when someone cries angry tears in front of you, how does that make you feel?

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unfair...

i recently applied for a writing position. i did not get the job.

i think it is unfair, as i am better qualified than the person who did get the job. i will show you her resume, and then you can tell me if you think i have a case:

Resimay

Toe hoem it mei konsern,

I want to aplaai for the job what I saw in the courant.   

I can Taaip reelie kwiek wit one finggar and doo sum a  countieng..

I thienk I are good on the phoune and I  nou I am a piepels person, Piepels reelie siem to respont  to me well. Certin women and all the menn. I nou my  spellieng is not to good but I find that I Offen can get a job  throe my persinaletie.

My sellerie is open sou we  can diskas wat yoe want to pei me and wat yoe  thienk that I am wort,   

I can start iemieditely. Thank yoe in atwaans fore  yore anser.

Houpfulie Yore best apliecant sou farr.   

Sinseerly,
Lotty (short for Laurette)

PS : Bekose my resimay  ies a bit short - below is a piekture of me.
  



Employer's response:

Dear Lotty,

It's OK  honey,

We've got spell checker.

See  you Monday...

well? do you think i should have got the job?

 

silence...

 

Although I am very social, and appear to be extrovert, I am in actual fact an introvert. I need downtime. Quiet time. Introspection time. Think time. And if there is something going on in my life, I need more time even more desperately.

Growing up as the oldest of 4 children, quiet time was hard to get. But even then, in the afternoons after school, I would climb high into the huge black wattle tree we had in the garden, and I would spend hours there, brooding. Nobody else could get up there; in fact mostly nobody even knew I was there. I used to cycle to school a few days a week, even though I hated the exertion. But I did it because it gave me an hour or so of riding home in the afternoons with the wind in my hair (no helmets in those days), and the delicious freedom of having nobody to talk to.

Ronnie, whom I married when I was 19, was an extreme extrovert. He needed people around him all the time, and could not bear to be alone. But as I was a full time mother and housewife shortly after I was married, I could get my silence-fix during weekdays. And when François grew up and our lives became more social and busy, Ronnie was away from home often for work, so I had many evenings and some weekends to be silent. François is very similar; in fact, he needs it more than I do. So even when we were alone together, we could happily spend an entire day or even weekend pottering around, ignoring each other.

Just to clarify: I don't need to be alone/silent all the time. Just a few minutes a day, and a few hours every few weeks is fine.

After Ronnie died I needed even more time, as I was obviously having things to deal with. And concerned family and friends, bless them, wanted to keep me busy, did not want me to be alone. Never understanding that being alone was exactly what both François and I needed. Craved. In that time I learned to take the phone off the hook, switch off my cell, and ignore the doorbell.

Mike is different. He understands. He is the same. He will happily spend hours in his workshop, grinding, welding, working, smoking. And I know to leave him alone. But by the nature of his work he gets lots of 'quiet time', while mine is more social. And Saturdays, when I am at work, he potters happily about. Quietly. Alone.

Then come Sundays. By this time I am craving some downtime. Desperately. And he has had enough alone, quiet, and he wants to go out. Go to a shop, a nursery. He want to go for lunch, or to visit family. And I go along, although I would rather be home, reading.

So when he told me weeks ago that he was going away for a long weekend with a group of guys, to the mighty men conference, I secretly rejoiced. Although I miss him hugely when he is gone, at last some me-time! A whole weekend!

But of course, there was school and work. Life intervenes. So I kept promising myself that I would do everything to keep Sunday open. On Saturday I had to work, but I left the shop as early as possible, so I could go grocery shopping. And Sean wanted to go to a movie, so we went out Saturday evening. Sunday, I kept promising myself. Sunday is mine. Sunday is alone. Sunday! Even bought a new book, so I could read.

Saturday evening my mom told me that my sister wanted me to join the family at her house for tea, because it is mid-way between the birthdays of 2 of her children.

I love my sister. I love her children. I don't see then nearly enough. I seldom see them on their birthdays. I love my brother-in-law. I miss them. So what do I do? To explain to my mom, my wanting to stay home, pottering quietly, rather than visit with family, is futile. She would never understand.

I did not go. I wanted to. But I wanted to be home, quiet, reading, sleeping, more. I’m sorry sis. But I think you do understand. I suspect you need that too...

What would you choose? Do you understand when you read this? Nod your head? Feel the need too? Or would you always choose people over silence? Are you a frustrated introvert as I am? Or are you an extrovert like Ronnie, who almost feared being alone? Do you do a sport, or a hobby, or even a long commute, because it gives you alone time?

Please tell me? I would love to know.

 

Book review: The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

i wrote this book review for women24's book club. i write one for them every month. but they already had one for this book, so i will post it here.

 

When Claire is 20, she meets 28-year old Henry, her husband-to-be. He has never seen her. She has known him well, almost her entire life.

Henry suffers from a genetic disorder, Chrono-Displacement. This causes him to travel through time, into his own future or past. This sound very sci-fi, but surprisingly, it is not. The story is written from both Henry and Clare’s perspectives, and it jumps back and forth through time. Obviously it has the potential to be confusing, yet it is written so well that it all makes wonderful sense.

The focus of the story is not Henry’s time travel; it is about their relationship, and the love and the difficulty they share. Henry has no control over when or where he travels. But his older self often visits the young Clare, where he gets to know her, and she him. At first she is a child, but as she grows into a young woman, she comes to love him. It is through his time-travel, that he gets to know Clare, it is also through his time-travel that we get to know Henry. We see, as he does, how his mother dies, and we meet his daughter when he sees her at the age of 10, and talks to her, although she was not even born yet in his present.

The characters are so real. The book explores all the emotions they experience. Not only relating to his time-travel, but also their love and marriage, in times of better and worse, in sickness and health, and in birth and death.

I read this book a few months ago, and the story has been haunting me ever since. I can honestly say that it is one of the most memorable books I have ever read. It makes you laugh and cry, and think and wish, and dream and fear. I would recommend it to anybody, especially to the romantic at heart.

After loving the book, I watched the movie. As is usually the case, the movie was a little disappointing, and my husband, who had not read the book, found it very confusing. The book is just so much more complex, and many of the book’s themes are not even portrayed in the movie. The book was published in 2003, and the movie came out in 2009, and features Eric Bana and Rachael McAdams.

You can read more about the book and the author here.

You can order the book here.

my review for 'blood safari' - deon meyer

my review for 'the other side of the story' - marian keyes

 

what are you reading? what have you read that you loved?

 

What this World Cup taught me – Part 2

you can read part 1 here.

 
I am not a big sports fan. In fact, until 4 weeks ago, I had never watched a football game before. So this football world cup has been a steep learning curve for me. Here is what I have learned:

- You say football. Only newbies and Americans say soccer. This is frowned upon. Using the word soccer proves that you are not a true fan, and you will never be taken seriously. (@shahil told me on twitter it is called soccer in countries where more than one type of football is played, like America and Australia). you can watch a hysterical explanation by John Cleese on football versus soccer.

- Football is not as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, it can be very exciting! Although the game seems to be much simpler and easier to understand than most other sports, you may not say this out loud.

- Football is a very emotional game. You get swept up and carried away, and you say things in the moment, and then your friends get angry with you, and lose all respect for you.

- Your team never loses. They get robbed. By a player on the opposing team who cheated. By the referee, who is blind and stupid and biased. By FIFA, who must be boycotted, and who are old fossils who refuse to accept modern technology and who therefore condone bad calls. By Jabulani, the new ball. By the vuvuzela. Oh, and by the coach, who chose players who are too old, or too inexperienced. But if you complain about being robbed, the supporters of the other team will say you are whining.

- Everybody has an opinion. And for theirs to be right, yours has to be wrong.

- You may not express an opinion on the game if you are a new fan. If you cry foul for whatever reason, you will be met with mutters saying 'suddenly everyone is an expert', even if you repeat what everyone else is saying. You may only express an opinion if you have been a long-time fan. Since birth. The only way you can get away with saying anything, is if you acknowledge the expert’s expertise, and phrase it like a question. So, don't say: “That cheat! That was a handball! That cost us the game!” Say: “I’m not an expert like you. Would you say that was a handball? But isn’t that cheating? Won’t that cost us the game?” Experts love explaining the game and it’s intricacies.

- If you are a coach, and your team loses, you are expected to resign. No matter how far you got in the competition. The fact that there has to be a loser, and you have a 50% chance of being that, does not matter. If your team loses, everyone from the press to the fans to the government will be calling for your resignation.

- Before the game, football is unifying. We all dress in team colours, and stand next to the road to cheer and blow our vuvuzelas. We all talk and tweet excitedly about how wonderful it is, to be unified and positive and proudly South African/African. After the game, football is divisive. We complain about the game. We complain about the referee. We complain about the complainers. We accuse each other of being naive/racist/cynical/hypocritical. But only till a few hours before the next game, when the cycle starts all over again.

- All this football emotion is exhausting. The ups and downs you experience on a daily basis, take their toll. But when it is all over, you miss the excitement. The vibe. The roller-coaster ride.

This I have learned: South Africa will never be the same. For all it’s controversy, we agree: this was an awesome event. This is a great time to be a South African. This will change the way the world sees us, and more importantly, this will change the way we see ourselves. In the years to come, we will refer to the World Cup in 2010 as a time when we all worked together to produce something we can be proud of. And that feels good!

the above photos come from nico roux, and were taken at soccer city, johannesburg, on the day of the opening match, 11 june 2010.

these 2 photos i found online. i don't know who to credit. if you know, please tell me?

   

to read part 1, click here.

What this World Cup taught me...

I am not a big sports fan. In fact, until 4 weeks ago, I had never watched a football game before. So the football world cup 2010 has been a steep learning curve for me. Here is what I have learned:

What makes a great footballer?

- Great ball skills. A natural talent. Of course.

- Great acting skills. If you get tapped on the shoulder by an opposing player, you have to be able to fall on the ground, and writhe in pain, and convince the referee that your leg hurts very much.

- You also have to be able to convey intense emotion with your face, so the referee and all the millions of TV viewers, will see that you are horrified, shocked, dismayed at his decision. You cannot verbally argue with the referee, or you will get a card. So your body language has to convey that you disagree vehemently.

- You have to have great recovery skills. When the referee has/has not responded to your extreme pain, you have to recover very soon and very bravely, before the coach replaces you with someone on the bench.- A great body. Good abs. The ability to look fabulous in a suit. The skill to be a smouldering model, for watches, men’s perfume and underwear. The inclination to take off your shirt at any given time. If you do so directly after a game in front of the cameras, all female viewers will swoon, and they will support your team in future. Your ginormous income will depend on this.

- You don’t have to be well spoken. You don’t have to have a deep voice. Although you speak English, your accent may be so strong that many will not understand. It’s ok, you are not admired for what you say.

- Moral ambiguity. The ability to be outraged when an opponent cheats, while being quite willing to commit the same foul if the situation were reversed. After the game, you may admit you cheated. You justify it by saying that it is the referee's job to keep the game clean, and if he didn't see it or he allowed it, you are vindicated.

There is something else that takes you from being a good footballer, to being a legendary, internationally recognised one. This factor is a subject that needs to be discussed in more detail, so I made it a separate point.

Legendary footballers have an edge when they have great WAGS - wives and girlfriends. Having WAGS, is what makes especially English footballers the best in the world.

What makes a good WAG?

- You must be skinny. Extremely so. If you are a model, it counts in your favour. Of course you have to give up your career and stop working, to be a full time WAG. You may attend charity functions to justify your existence, as long as they don’t interfere with your job as a supporter of your husband.

- You must be able to party. Hard. There may be hints of drugs, alcohol and infidelity, but they must never be proven.

- You must be able to shop up a storm. This is very important. The economies of the countries that you are visiting while your man is playing, depend on it. You must be seen shopping in the most expensive and exclusive boutiques, and pushing lettuce leaves around in the restaurant-of-the-week. If you are photographed by paparazzi while doing so, you have proven your worth.

- It gives you more credibility if you have/had a singing career. You don’t have to be a very good singer.

- When your soccer-star husband cheats on you with the nanny/the wife of a team mate/porn star, you have to be very brave about it. You have to forgive him. Unless he does it a few times, in which case you have to be seen being thin and pale and distraught, yet dignified, while telling the painful story on TV. This will ensure you gets a good financial settlement.

- You may not cheat on your football-star husband. This will not be forgiven. He is the hero, you are only the accessory.

the photos in this post are courtesy of C Jane Moneypenny, and were taken at the USA - Slovenia game on Friday 18 June 2010. nice, hey?

you can read part 2 of 'what this world cup has taught me' here.

   

football fever...

on friday 11 june 2010 (tomorrow!) is the kick-off for the football world cup in south africa. if you live here, you will know that we are all very excited. even if you are not a huge soccer fan, like me, you cannot help but catch football fever. it is all over.

 
on the R24 coming from the airport towards johannesburg, you can see thousands of flags.

office buildings are decorated.

ordinary people's houses are decorated.

most of the roadworks are completed, new offramps and bridges opened, highways have more lanes.

although the gautrain will only open it's other routes in a few months, the airport - sandton leg is running. the airports have all had huge facelifts and improvements.

many people have taken the initiative, and done some decorating.

even the telkom tower has a huge football!

people are excited, you can see it in their faces!

the country has a festival atmosphere, and you can feel it everywhere! this is truly an exciting time to be in south africa. the excitement is making the air vibrate! it is almost impossible not to get caught up in it.

some of these photos were taken by me, and some of them i found on the internet. there are many, many more photos to be found!

see some of the most beautiful world-cup related photos i have seen online, are here.

eyewitness news

more eyewitness news

 

gautrain...

 

on saturday francois and i were invited to the official launch of the gautrain, at gallagher estate in johannesburg. it was a fancy, black-tie event, attended by politicians, ministers and journalists from all over the world. and us.

we were invited as so-called 'new media'. i was invited because i tweet, and i was invited to tweet about the launch. this is, as far as i know, the first time members of 'social media' were invited as media members, and we had full media privileges. this was quite exciting! this was the second time i got to ride on the gautrain, once before, in march, i went to a twitter-gautrain event.

 

for those of you who do not know, the gautrain is the first rapid-rail system in africa, and when completed will connect all hubs in gauteng with each other. at the moment only the leg between sandton and the airport are open, with the rest of the routes opening within a few months. 

 
i am looking forward to using it. my closest station is rhodesfield, and from there to sandton is 12 minutes and it will cost R21. people who live in cities where there always has been public transport may not understand our excitement, but for us it is great indeed.

 
 

you can read a somewhat negative article by ivo vegter here. he specifically refers to us who were tweeting from the event. please also read my comments.

read another article in mail and guardian, referring to, and quoting francois here.

and an article from bbc here.

 

ps. the photos were in my media pack

you are my hero, brother!

 

the captain of this aeroplane, Andre Bakker, is my brother.

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7 December 2009

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33 unhurt after plane overshoots runway

Roy McKenzie

Cape Town - SA Airlink has confirmed that its flight SA8625 operating from Cape Town to George was involved in "an incident" on landing at George Airport on Monday morning, but that 30 passengers and three crew are unhurt.

"The aircraft, an Embraer 135 (37 seat) regional jet ZS SJX, is reported as having aquaplaned off the end of the wet runway," SA Airlink said.

The incident occurred at 11:06.

"Airlink has arranged trauma counselling for all passengers and crew. Airport staff and trauma councillors are with the passengers at present," spokesperson Karin Murray said.

Ended up on road

"The aircraft appears to be damaged the extent of which is unknown at this stage."

The company apologised for any inconvenience caused to passengers, and said it would release further information as soon as it becomes available.

"The airplane landed at about 11:00 this morning, it went through the lights at the end of the runway, through the fence, and ended up on the road itself," Western Cape police spokesperson Inspector Bernadine Steyn told News24 from the scene.

Traffic was not affected.

Western Cape Safety and Security department spokesperson Julian Jansen told Sapa that the plane came to a halt at an intersection between the airport and the N2 freeway.

"The plane overshot the runway because the brakes apparently failed," Sapa quoted him as saying.

- News24

more articles about the incident here and here and here.

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Press release:

By George, it was the runway after all!

Johannesburg, 6 May 2010

 
Airlink welcomes today’s pronouncement by the Civil Aviation Authority that the aquaplaning accident at George on 7 December 2009 was caused by a combination of runway deficiencies resulting from; the use of bituminous fogspray, depressions in the runway surface allowing water to pool, and inadequate macro texture and micro texture.
 
The accident catalysed a sequence of events including; an intensive and rigorous audit by the CAA which culminated in some findings that jeopardised the airline, and the unrelated grounding of the Jetstream 4100 aircraft type on 23 December after a benign discontinued takeoff at Mpumalanga, which in isolation would not have justified any intervention by the CAA.  Airlink was as a consequence of the George accident thrown into mayhem and the events that ensued with many flights being disrupted were particularly unsettling for our passengers. Public perceptions created by the media in response to the accident were that Airlink presented an imminent threat to safety and practised alleged “dodgy” maintenance.  Travellers were concerned about flying with Airlink and many chose alternative means of getting to their destinations or cancelled their bookings.  This has been the most difficult period in Airlink’s history and its biggest threat.
 
The thorough audits (and independent reviews by internationally accredited aviation experts including Captain Scully Levin) that Airlink was subjected to and voluntarily undertook, confirmed that Airlink’s aircraft are airworthy, are maintained to the highest international standards, and that Airlink’s operational and safety procedures and standards are world class.
 
Airlink CEO Rodger Foster said “the finding by the CAA that Airlink was not in any way to blame for the George accident is a further affirmation of Airlink’s integrity as a serious and committed airline to upholding the highest international operational and safety standards. Airlink has emerged from the post accident trauma as a stronger leaner more efficient business with enhanced procedures and standards”.
Cognizant that many customers have experienced service disruptions resulting from the restrictions imposed by the CAA on the use of the runway in wet conditions, Airlink is relieved that runway resurfacing is in progress and looks forward to this work being completed on or before 18 May and to the lifting of the restrictions such that air services at George can be normalised for all operators.
 
“Now that the cause of the accident has been made public, Airlink would like to acknowledge the efforts and skills of our crew, Captain Andre Bakker, First Officer Richard Halton and our Flight Attendant Anneena Hurling, in ensuring the safety of our passengers during the accident and subsequently evacuating our passengers was nothing short of heroic. The fact that there were no serious injuries, other than a sprained ankle sustained by the First Officer, bears testament to the professionalism of our pilots in the circumstances. This applies equally to all George airport emergency response staff and especially our passenger handling team led by John Spence, said Rodger.
 

“Airlink wishes to thank our many loyal customers for their continued support of our services and for their numerous messages of encouragement throughout these very challenging times. We apologise for any inconvenience and disruption they may have experienced”, Foster emphasized.

see some news articles on the report here and here and here.

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in spite of initial attempts of journalists and news sites and commenters on the websites to blame airlink, the pilots and the maintenance of the planes, it seems that the problem was with the runway.

i am proud of the way my brother and his crew handled this very difficult situation. their actions prevented serious consequences and possible loss of lives.

you are my hero, brother!

 

liza scraps with harmonie products..

recently, i got an email from a company called harmonie, based in canada. they make scrapbooking and stamping products. they asked if they could send me a sample scrapbooking kit to use.

what a question! i said yes! it was quite exciting, getting a mystery package in the mail! when the kit came, it was quite tropical. as i had no 'island holiday' photos, i gave the pack to liza, who had just come from her holiday in mozambique.

the pack contained a number of patterned papers, a die-cut sheet of paper, some ribbon, a pack of colourful buttons, an alphabet, some chipboard elements, a pack of travel-related stamps and a perspex embellishment.

 

liza enjoyed working with these products, and they do her photos justice!

thanks harmonie!

 

edited to add: you can see liza's layout featured in their gallery here. if you look carefully, you will see sophia allison's layout there too!

how to really spoil your wife...

instead of taking your wife to a packed and overpriced restaurant where you get bad food and worse service on a commercialised occasion, you can spoil her at home.

i am posting this ahead of mothers' day on sunday, but this is also suitable for valentine's day, your wife's birthday, your anniversary. in fact, it is a wonderful idea for any time your wife deserves to be spoilt. why not do this every weekend?

BONUS TIP: this is even more thoughtful and romantic if you invite your entire family, a few of your drinking buds, and some of the neighbours.

BRAAI = BBQ

your wife goes to the shops to buy the meat and the accompanying foods, drinks and snacks. she makes the salad, pap, sauce, butters the breadrolls, and makes dessert. she spices the meat, places it in a bowl, gets the braai tongs and brings it all to you where you are outside by the braai with the men, with a beer in your hand.

you place the meat on the grill. this is very important. your wife goes back inside to ready the cutlery and crockery. she comes out to tell you the meat is burning. you mutter, and ask her to bring you another beer while you turn the meat. you remove the meat when it is done, and give it to your wife. she places all the food on the table, and helps the kids, and dishes up for you.

after dinner, she clears the table, cleans the kitchen and washes the dishes. everybody thanks you for the wonderful braai. later, when you look up from watching tv on the couch, you ask your wife if she enjoyed her 'evening off'.

judging from her facial expression, you conclude that nothing you do, will ever make her happy...

i found this in huisgenoot magazine. it was sent in by karen hefer, jhb. i translated it freely from afrikaans.

 

a moment in time....

yesterday, at 5pm our time, was the new york times' 'a moment in time' initiative.

Attention: everyone with a camera, amateur or pro. Please join us on Sunday, May 2, at 15:00 (U.T.C./G.M.T.), as thousands of photographers simultaneously record “A Moment in Time.” The idea is to create an international mosaic, an astonishingly varied gallery of images that are cemented together by the common element of time.

so, i went outside with my camera. since i was at home, and not anywhere particularly exciting, i thought i would take some photos of our plot.

our plot is not 'fancy' or expensive, or developed and manicured. it is just our tiny bit of africa. is is 2.5 hectares. we have quite a few animals, and we grow vegetables. as you can see, it was early evening, and it is autumn. you can see more posts and photos about 'country living' here.

 

now i need some help in deciding which one to upload. any suggestions?

 

meet the parents...

francois has made many friends over the years on the internet. people who spend some time online, will know how such friendships become quite important. 

as he has 5 weeks of holidays in june/july, because of the football world cup, and because his 2 year masters degree course affords him some time to do some travel planning, he decided to use this opportunity to do spend some of his long-term savings, and do some overseas travelling. in fact, everything seemed to be working out for him, to make this trip possible.

so he decided to go to USA. but where does one start? visiting a good friend seems like a great way to go about it. so, slowly the trip is taking shape. first he had to apply for a passport, then a visa. as the USA is quite strict in their visa requirements, especially for a single young person, he had to collect a number of documents and letters and references, and he also had to provide proof that he has enough money to fund a holiday. quite a mission.

a few weeks ago i asked francois if he was going to stay at the family of the friend. he said he didn't want to inconvenience them. i told him that i would love to meet and host any friends of his. especially since overseas travel is very expensive. so, he asked. and the family responded with great enthusiasm! they have gotten involved with some of the planning, and with many suggestions and ideas. and an invitation to stay at their house.

all the requirements were met, and the tickets were bought. the ultimate destination is the town where his friend lives in Illinois. this will be the start and end point of his trip.

i have had some (very little) interaction with his friend through comments on my blog, and facebook. but francois told me that her family had started to read my blog, to get to know a little about this stranger coming to visit. i felt a little disadvantaged because they knew at least something about us, and i knew nothing about them. i mean, my baby is going to visit strangers in a strange country. he may be all grown up, but i still worry, you know!

so, i decided to reach out. i got the father's email address from francois, and sent him the following email:

Hi

I got your email address from Francois.

I just wanted to touch base, and tell you how much i appreciate it that you are a contact for Francois for his trip. Going overseas is always a daunting challenge, and doing so alone as a young person for the first time is quite an adventure! It helps to know that you are keeping an eye on him, so to speak.

He is rather a good boy. He is responsible and intelligent and charming. He also has the attention span of a gnat, and his table manners are a little lacking, in spite of 23 years of constant coaching. But i am sure he will be on his best behaviour during his visit. If not, you have my permission to ground/spank him. :-) He can wash dishes, but not cars.

Please let me know if you need anything. You have my email address now.

Thank you,

Jacki

His reply had laughter-tears running down my cheeks!

Jacki,

Thanks for your message.  My trust in the success of Francois' visit is based on three factors:  (1)  He must be a rather high quality person or my daughter would not have developed such a broadly based friendship with him online over the past few years; (2) The unusually detailed font of information about him and the family as described on your extensive blog, the entirety of which I have perused, and throughout which your fondness for him is well documented, and (3) the e-mail communication I have had with Francois, which reflects his most interesting personality, wry wit, politeness, and excruciating respect for the English language.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the "heads up" on the new information about him that you provided.  I will have to do some research on gnats in order to interpret you comment on attention span.  Francois' academic achievements alone would suggest to me that there are some extraordinarily contemplative insects in that part of the world.  Table manners are not among the strong points of anyone in this household, and our dining style could not be less formal.  I have raised three fine children and so far have not felt the need to ground, much less spank any of them, and I am not about to start with an international guest who is an adult graduate student. And finally, were he to wash the dishes it would amaze, shock, and shame my daughters to tears as they have never seen anyone other than their parents do this and it is apparently not considered a 21st century skill.

We are very excited about his visit, and are making lists of things he might wish to do, eat, or visit.  So far we have arranged a flight to see our son in San Francisco, and hope to drive up to Wisconsin sometime.  I suppose that Francois and X might come up with additional destinations here in the Illinois area.

I feel like I know you already, certainly more closely than any of our neighbors, from the wonderful array of postings on your blog.  I am sure Francois will tire of answering questions about this and that which I have read there.  We will do our best to make his visit safe, productive, and interesting.  As I have tried to make clear already, we are not very typical as Americans go, and the diversity of lifestyles in the USA will not be revealed to him in the time available.  But he did express a desire to go off the beaten path, so to speak, and "middle America" is pretty well represented in this state, with a mixture of urban, small town, and very rural environments.

Best regards,    

F

i like these people already, and i feel quite confident that francois will have a great time in visiting them..