I have always been a writer. No, not an author, as in someone who has written a book, but a writer, as in someone who writes.
As a teenager I was a prolific letter writer, and people said that I should write books. When I was 19 and unmarried, and discovered that I was pregnant – with that wonderful boy, Francois - I put pen to paper, and dealt with my feelings of confusion and fear by writing. When my husband Ronnie died one awful April morning in a plane crash and left me behind, shattered, heartbroken, and in the depths of despair, I was pouring out my feelings on paper within days, and continued to do so for a whole year.
So, I have always been a writer. But I have only recently discovered blogging. Initially it felt uncomfortable. It was a chore, a commitment I wasn’t sure I could keep. I was, and still am, painfully aware that there are people who read this. Writing about life, and feelings, and fears, is like putting your heart outside your body, where people could step on it. You open little windows to your soul, and let people peep into them. You make yourself vulnerable. And yet, almost perversely, you want people to read this.
You need people to see. You hope people will understand you a little better. You need to share shards of your soul, some beautiful, colourful, and some cracked and scratched and ugly.
I have always been a writer. I need to think ‘out loud’, in writing, where I can re-phrase, re-read, edit, and really think about what I’m feeling, and why. Putting it in words helps to crystallize, to clarify, to process. Part of my growth process is to write it down.
It is commonly advised by experts, that a good way of dealing with deep seated issues, fears, anger, or sadness, is to write it all out on paper. Then that paper is burned, and the feelings are released into the atmosphere, as symbolised by the smoke. Being a modern and environmentally aware girl, I use this blog to process my thoughts. Once it is all written, I release those feelings into the blogosphere by pressing the 'publish' button. It really does have the same effect for me.
But, if it means anything to you, if you agree or disagree, if I make you think, if I make you smile, if I touch a chord, then please, please leave a comment. You can comment by clicking on the word ‘comment’ below each blog entry, and a block will appear for you to write in. It only takes a minute, but it means so much to me.
If you don’t, it feels as if I’m shouting in the wind, and nobody hears me…