last saturday afternoon, exactly a week ago, when i closed the shop, i had a thought that i had not looked at buying a nissan for either myself or francois, or for both of us. we both need a car. i had looked at almost everything else, but not nissan. so i drove to the dealer, hoping to still catch them open. they were not.
so on monday francois and i went there, and we test drove some cars. we decided against the tiida for francois, because it was too expensive and a little too big.
on tuesday evening a different dealer stopped at my shop, and brought red tiida to show me. it is almost new, and in a good condition, with low mileage, for a good price. it was either a good deal, or too good to be true. so on wednesday i arranged for the car to go to the AA for a full test, which it passed with flying colours.
on thursday the man and francois, and my dad, saw the car. and they approved.
on friday the car was serviced, cleaned, fitted with a new windscreen, and insured. francois got the car late on friday.
phew! what a week! last saturday we were no closer to buying a car, and now it is all over, bar some administrative things.
the process this week went by in a whirlwind. i found it quite stressful, and the whole week i had a lump in the pit of my stomach. this morning, during a quiet minute, i reflected a little, gathered my thoughts...
...and there, deep inside, under the tension, and the relief of having it all done, fluttered a teeny butterfly. wondering what it was, i discovered, to my surprise, a little pride.
a pride in doing it myself.
look, i had a lot of help, input, and many, many opinions, from the man, francois, family and friends. but mainly, it was a project driven by me. arranged by me. organised by me. and looking back, i am quite proud that i pulled it off.
i also spent a few minutes wondering why buying a car seemed so difficult and stressful to me, when it seems to be so easy to others. and i realised that it is because most people finance their cars, and get used to a Rx per month car payment. when they buy a new car, they re-finance, and just continue with the monthly car payment. so same cost, new car.
for me, it is a new cost, and it is a lot of money for something that rapidly loses it's value. i have also had bad experiences with my jeep, that is a huge expense to maintain. i am a little scarred, and traumatised.
and also, there is an emotional reason. our current cars are our last big, visible, tangible link to ronnie. he chose and bought the 'old' cars. selling them, and driving different cars, will remove yet another daily reminder of him.
letting go turned out to be a little more emotional than i expected.
jacki janse van rensburg - SCRAPPIN TIMES scrapbook shop, benoni, gauteng, south africa